Curtains fluttered above a ball of blankets in a dark room. The tinkling bells from a wind chime rang cheerfully. Stirring from the ball of blankets caused a small stuffed bear wearing a pink tutu to fall off the bed. A pale arm emerged and then tufts of red hair appeared. Gray eyes flickered open catching a glimpse of a star filled sky between floating curtains.
Yawning Shellee sat up and stretched her long thin limbs. Looking around she wondered what woke her up. She peered into the shadows of her room not daring to leave the safety of her warm covers. At a glance nothing looked out of sorts in the darkened room. A pile of clothes look undisturbed on a blown up chair, stacks of paper filled with stories she’s written and drawn still wait near the bookshelf to be put away. Stuffed animals line against every available space, smiled out at her. She sighed relieved.
She turned to her window behind her and pushed the dark blue curtains apart. “The night sky looks like a blanket of dark silk with silver confetti thrown on it.” She thought, “I wonder if I could see a shooting star?” Closing her eyes she inhaled a deep breath and smelled the jasmine that bloomed under her window. A soft breeze blew through her window caused the wind chimes to sound. Through the lids of her eyes she saw a shimmer of light bouncing out in the yard. Quickly she opened her eyes to watch in amazement. She thought about the light for a moment before she slipped her shoes on and tiptoed out the door.1
* * *2
A frustrated squeak issued itself forth from Annaliss’ pouty mouth as she searched desperately among flowers of the human’s yard. Wide spread green eyes darted here and there as her lacy wings flapped rhythmically from her back.
“How could I be so stupid?” she muttered to herself. “I have to get back.”
Suddenly a sound broke through her silent muttering. A soft thud caused her to slide under a shrub to hide. Annaliss held her breath and searched for the source of the sound.
A shadow darted by causing fireflies to take flight. The shadow stopped to follow the pattern. Annaliss could slowly see a form of a human girl.
Annaliss stilled her gossamer wings willing the blue shimmer that surrounded them to dull slightly. She slowed her breath and sat back to wait for the intruding human to leave. Annaliss knew humans were reluctent to believe her kind exist. They would leave off searching easily if given time, especially humans of this size. Patience was not something humans came by easily.3
* * *4
Shellee wrapped her arms around herself and shivered in the cool air. “I should have grabbed a jacket.” She looked back at the house debating whether to go back for the much needed coat, but after some thought she decided to stay where she was instead.
Shellee continued to search through the shrubs and rosebushes looking for the source of the meager blue light. Just today Shellee and her mother tended this part of the yard, endlessly pruning and weeding, getting ready to plant more spring flowers tomorrow. She didn’t remember seeing anything that had been blue. “The Forget-Me-Knots were a purplish blue but that wouldn’t have given off a light.” She thought as she pushed aside a few delicate blooms.
Frustrated she sat down on the freshly mowed lawn. The smell of overturned soil made her breathe in deeply. She stuck out her lower lip and balled her fists in frustration. The bottom of her pj’s were wet from the grass and it soaked through to her butt. Standing up fast she threw down her hands and stomped off towards the house.5
* * *6
Annaliss let out a sigh of relief in a rush. “That was close. That human almost touched me when she was smashing the Forget-Me-Knots. Good thing I moved,” She thought.7
Annaliss crawled back out from under the shurb and continued searching among the spring flowers. Decaying leaves and freshly turned soil feeled her nostrils and brought a sweet smile to her lips.8
* * *
Out of the corner of her eye Shellee caught a flicker of blue. She glanced around to find a medium sized bush she thought she could hide behind. She quickly ran behind it as her heart pounded in her ears. She peered through the scraggly limbs and past newly formed buds to watch the dim light.9
* * *
Annaliss looked over her shoulder when she thought she heard the leaves of a tree rustle. But she had seen nothing that moved and nothing that would have caused the noise. The wind that had been blowing softly had become still and the hypnotizing lullaby of the crickets hadn't stopped.10
* * *
Shellee peeked through the branches of the bush. She brushed one of the new buds on the limb and smelled a sweet sticky fragrance.
“Oh my gosh!” she gasped to herself. “What is that? No,” her eyes widened, “that can’t be! Wow! Mom wasn’t lying when she told me there were garden fairies.”11
Curiosity pushed her forward. She slowly made her way towards the pansies and forget-me-nots, further away from her safe house and warm bed. Gaining courage with each silent step she worked up the nerve to speak.
“What are you looking for?”12
* * *
Annaliss darted from one flower to another. Looking on top and underneath, muttering to herself the whole time. Nothing looked familiar. Nothing screamed “DOOR RIGHT HERE,” with a big flashing arrow pointing. She shook her small head in aggravation.13
“Why did the door have to be hidden?” She mumbled. Then she remembered why. Trolleva. Trolleva the wicked troll who wanted to rule Elden….14
“What are you looking for?” came a soft voice.15
Annaliss screamed as she ducked under the pansies again. Leaves and dirt sprang into the air.16
Holding her stomach Shellee doubled over, hair sweeping the ground. “I’m sorry did I scare you,” she said after she had recovered.17
Annaliss’ eyes darted left and right looking for a way out.18
“Please,” breathed Shellee, “I won’t hurt you. You really are a fairy aren’t you?”19
Still Annaliss searched anxiously. Her small body tense and ready to spring at any moment, at any movement.20
Shellee sighed. “L-let’s start again. My name is Shellee. I live here. What’s your name?”21
Trembling Annaliss looked at her with fear and reluctantly said, “Annaliss.”22
“Are you really a garden fairy?”23
“Of course, what other kinds are there?” She replied outraged.24
“Well,” said Shellee warming up to the subject, ”there’s garden fairies, fairy godmothers, house fairies, lake fairies, river fairies, tree fairies, brownies, sprites….”25
“Ok, ok enough,” Annaliss relaxed a little bit. “You’re not going to try and catch me are you?”26
Taken aback Shellee quickly replied, “no, of course not. My mother says garden fairs are good luck and they help our flowers grow. I would never mess with luck.”27
“The reason you know about fairies so much….?”28
“Because of my mom, she loves fairies. We even plant special flowers over there in the corner so you will come and help our flowers grow.” They both looked over towards a mass planting of pink and white Asters with their puffy flowers. Followed by red Bee Balm mixed with cream colored Beardtongue and their flowered spikes. In the back was a beautiful red Butterfly Bush.29
“Those will attract butterflies which….”30
“Always come before fairies,” Shellee finished.31
“Sounds like your mom knows her stuff.”32
Shellee nodded her head. The full moon’s light bounced off her hair giving it a silvery glow.33
Annaliss relaxed fully. The cricket’s song filled the silence. For few minutes they stood staring at each other. Annaliss barely hitting Shellee's knees, Shellee having to look down from her three foot height.34
“Soooooo, what were you looking for?” Shellee asked.35
“Oh my, I’d forgotten all about that.” She looked around, “Can you keep a secret?”36
Shellee nodded.37
“I’m looking for the door to Elden.”38
Shellee looked confused, “Elden?”39
“Yes Elden. That’s were all fairies live when were not in the human land.”40
“Wow, your own world. I bet it’s neat.”41
“It is beautiful,” a longing look filled Annaliss eyes.42
Shellee watched her for moment in silence. “You must miss it.” Annaliss said nothing but nodded her blue head. “Well, where’s the door? Why don’t’ you go back?”43
Annaliss hesitated, not sure if she could really trust Shellee. After all she was a human. But then again she hadn’t tried to catch her. “ Can’t find the door,” she finally admitted, “I wasn’t paying attention when we we’re told the location.”44
“Is this your first time here in my world?” Annaliss shook her head. “Then you should know where it’s at.”45
“There’s the problem. You see it changes every night.”46
“Why?”47
“Because of Trolleva.” Annaliss whispered quickly looking away.48
“Who’s Trolleva?” Shellee asked.49
“Shhh! Don’t say her name so loud!”50
“Oops sorry.”51
Annaliss looked around. Seeing nothing lurking around the yard motioned Shellee to squat down. Shellee sat down on her already wet butt and waited. Crickets played their soothing melody on through the surrounding foliage making the night relaxed and peaceful. Shellee continued to wait while Annaliss collected her thoughts. The smell of wet leaves floated right along side of the jasmine by the house.
Finally Annaliss raised her spring green eyes to meet Shellee's. “Awhile ago, oh it must have been twenty human years but only a few for us fairies, a gnome name Lady Eva tried to…”52
“Hey, wait a minute,” interrupted Shellee, ”there are gnomes too?’53
Annaliss sighed making her wings flutter slightly, “yes and unicorns, elves, sprites, nymphs, and dwarves all kinds of non-humans.”54
Shellee’s mouth had dropped open as Annaliss read off the list.55
“May I go on?” In stunned silence Shellee nodded. “Where was I? Oh yes, Lady Eva tried to take over the council,” she started to pace, “the other heads of the council put a stop to her. She promised to be good and to use her intelligence to better things for her people, for all people.” She paused talking and pacing. Looking around she continued, “After awhile she started to change. Nothing too noticeable, a few warts here and there at first. When this was happening our lands started to change. No rain fell, and crops were ruined. Fires raged, burning trees and grassy plains. It was terrible. My people were starving. Finally when the fire reached a village of gnomes it burnt everything except Lady Eva’s domed hut. The council knew she was behind it all. When they finally tracked her down she had changed into a troll.” She paused and sat down across from Shellee, “Lady Eva had turned into Lady Trolleva. She was beautiful once but she was hunched over, her nose became long. Bushy green eyebrows hid mud brown eyes. Her skin had turned brown and had a crinkled paper look to it. Green hair, ratty and wild framed her face and hung down her back. She was horrible looking.”56
Shellee sat there and stared, opened mouthed at Annaliss. There was nothing she could say. Finally she gulped and shut her mouth.57
“When we, mystical creatures, turn bad we end up as trolls. The council banished her from our lands and as she left she vowed she would come back and rule Elden. Since then the door is moved every night. We cannot let her find the door. Our lands are just now recovering.”58
“That’s a awful tale. What would make someone go from being good to being bad?” Shellee asked.59
Annaliss stood up and looked directly into Shellee’s eyes. “It’s said that she went mad with power.”60
Shellee just shook her head. “You’d think being a magical creature would be enough. So you didn’t listen when they told you where the door was?”61
“No. I just wanted to get here and have fun. I love helping flowers grow.” She said with a smile. Then a look of knowledge came to her shimmering face, “but there are clues.”62
“What clues?”63
“The guardian elf of the door always leaves clues for us in case we forget!”64
“What are the clues?”65
Annaliss’ face turned into a frown, “I don’t remember them,”66
“Great just great!”67
“What? It’s not like you’re the one locked out.” Annaliss said crossly.68
Shellee stood and crossed her arms, “my mom said fairies were responsible, but you’re just like me!”69
“And what is that?” She asked.70
“A kid!” They both turned their backs to each other and pouted.71
Annaliss peeked around her back at Shellee and at the same time Shellee peeked also. They both started giggling when they caught each other.72
“Ok, ok! How do we find these clues of yours?” Shellee asked when she had stopped giggling.73
“We just have to look. All of the clues will be here in your yard,” She was already looking through the grass.
“
So does every fairy have to come to my yard to get to Elden?” Shellee walked over and started searching the hedges.74
“No, there’s a door in each yard but it’s only one.”75
Confused Shellee replied, “What? That makes no sense.”76
“I’m not sure I can explain it.” She stopped and looked at Shellee, “there’s only one door, but you can use it from every yard, forest and so on.”77
“I still don’t get it.”78
“Oh just forget it.”79
Shellee let the matter drop. “Hey what’s this? Annaliss come here. I need your light.” Shellee had moved to a patch of flowers.80
Annaliss came flying over, blue light shinning strong. “What have you found?” she asked.81
With puzzlement in her voice she said, “I think it’s a mushroom. Does it look like a mushroom to you?” The patches of flowers were the forget-me-nots that Annaliss had hid in earlier. In the middle was the outline of a bell-shaped mushroom.82
Annaliss studied the outline, “yeah, I think it is. Do you think its one of the clues?”83
“I don’t know! You’re the mystical being here, not me.” Shellee stated.84
“Well, yeah I think it is. But lets keep looking. There’s got to be more.”85
The two continued to search. Through the thick hedges a pair of brown eyes watched them closely.86
“Have you found anything?”87
Shellee pushed aside gold marigolds, sneezed then replied, “nothing yet. You?”88
“No.” That simple word held a lot of disappointment.89
“How long have we been searching? I must be almost morning.”90
“When you’re a fairy time slows. So you being around me time slows for you also.” She looked up, “by the stars it is around midnight.”91
“That’s is? It feels later.” Shellee said around a yawn, “I hope we find another clue soon. I’m about ready to crash.”92
“Please don’t give up on me yet. You found the first one. I know you’ll find the next.”93
Shellee could hear the desperation in Annaliss’ voice, “of course I’ll still help. I wouldn’t dream of not helping.”94
A branch near by creaked and weeds rustled like they were being stopped on. “Did you hear that?”95
Annaliss stopped searching a rosebush to listen, “I don’t hear anything. What did you hear?”96
“Shhh.” After a few heartbeats Shellee replied, “I guess it was nothing.”97
***
The corners of the mud brown eyes crinkled with delight. And dry cracked hands rubbed together. “Soon,” it whispered and continued to watch.98
***
“Hey, this has never been here before,” Shellee said in a loud whisper. The night had gradually become quiet. The crickets had stopped and the wind wasn’t playing with the chimes. The smell of rotting foliage became stronger the farther along the hedge she got.99
Again Annaliss glided over, “Did you find another clue?”100
“Yeah, I think so. You see here, this hole?” Shellee pointed towards the edge.101
“Yes, what about it? Hedge’s always have holes here and there.”102
“You’re right, but earlier today I watched my mom cut back some of the longer branches and at that time there were no holes along this section.”103
“So you’re saying this is a clue? A hole in the hedge?” Annaliss said disbelieving.104
“Look at the hole. See it’s not round or misshapen. It’s a perfect square. And see there’s one little leaf off to the left side like a…a…”105
“A doorknob!” Shouted Annaliss. They both looked around quickly. “Sorry about that.”106
“My mom would ruin this if she found me out here.”107
“Sorry.”108
“Never mind. What was the first clue?”109
“Outlined mushroom.”110
“And now we have a door in the hedge. Does this make any sense to you now?” Shellee asked.111
Annaliss thought for a moment then shook her head. “No it still doesn’t. Lets look for more clues”112
113
Sometime later when they had moved down to the fairy flowerbed a dark shadow slinked across the yard. Darting this way and that way, slowly coming towards them. Annaliss was the first to notice. “Shellee?” she whispered stopping in her tracks.114
Still searching Shellee didn’t bother to look up, “What?”115
“Don’t move.” She breathed through her full lips, “Stay very still.”116
Shellee stopped searching the asters. Their puffy heads swayed from her hands. Slowly she turned her head. The black shadow raced forward. Annaliss screamed and leapt off the ground. Lacy wings beated frantically. The black shadow made a sound like a bark and launched itself on Shellee. Shellee hit face first into the grass struggling to keep her face protected from the monster that was attacking her. A cold nose pressed against her arms while a warm sloppy tongue licked her. She peeked out and was relieved.117
All the while Annaliss was on its back pulling with all her might. Shellee started laughing, “stop Banson! Stop it! Get off! Banson off!” The black shadow stepped off with Annaliss still on its back. “Annaliss you can stop now,” She said while sitting up. “Banson come!” The shadow came closer and Shellee started petting it. “Its only a dog. My next-door neighbors dog. Banson meet Annaliss, Annaliss meet Banson.”118
Annaliss stopped tugging on Banson’s collar, gave a squeak of surprise then hid behind Shellee. “That thing’s a monster. How do you know its name?”119
“Because he lives next door, duh.”120
Banson sat down with his tongue hanging out. He was a black lab, about a year old and came up to Shellee’s hips.121
Annaliss was shaking with fear. “T-t-those things that make so much noise and try to eat us fairies are called dogs? And they’re your friends?” She stuttered.122
“Yes,” Shellee went over to pet him. “The noise is called barking. They’re only trying to protect what theirs.”123
Still shaking Annaliss said, “I don’t care! One bit my cousin. It takes along time to heal from one of their bites.”124
Just then Banson started growling and whimpering. He started towards the hedges behind them. “What’s that sound he’s making now?”125
Shellee grabbed his collar and held him back, “it’s called growling. There must be something in the hedges he doesn’t like.”126
Banson strained against Shellee’s hold. Suddenly the collar slipped from her fingers and Banson plunged right into the green foliage. “Banson! Banson! Come back here.” Shellee yelled.127
The barking continued frantically then it stopped and they could see Banson trotting off into the next yard, tongue sticking while he panted. “Well that was odd.” Shellee said baffled. “Usually he doesn’t give up that easy.”128
“Forget about the monster, I-I mean dog. Lets keep looking for the last clue.” And Annaliss started back towards red Bee Balm.129
Shellee shrugged her shoulders and want back to the asters.
Time went on and the two girls, one human and one magical continued to search. No flower, shrub or tree had been missed. Still nothing. Shellee’s mind kept wandering back to her house and her cozy bed. Finally she flopped right down on the grass, not caring that her pj’s were getting wet. “That’s it. I’m done! I’m so tired. I can’t keep my mind on what I’m doing.”130
Annaliss came and sat down beside her. A pink blush swept across the horizon showing the first signs of dawn. “It’s almost morning. You did your best.” she said disappointed, “it’s more than I could ask for from someone I just met. Thanks for trying.”131
“But what will you do?” You can’t stay out here?”132
“I’ll hide in the hedges until night.”133
“But that’s…”134
A strong gust of wind took Shellee’s words away. She noticed that none of the flowers or trees swayed with the wind. Suddenly one lone leaf floated down towards them. The wind stopped. The leaf circled the sitting girls not once, not twice, but three times, then landed under a rosebush.135
“What was that?” Shellee asked in a strangled whisper.136
Annaliss just shook her head, “Who knows? What I want to know is what does it mean?”137
They thought for a few minutes, “Maybe it means it’s under the rosebush.” 138
Shellee shook her head; “I don’t think so,” seeing the doubt on Annaliss’ face, “because where does the mushroom come into it.”139
Annaliss said nothing. They both thought some more. 140
Shellee finally spoke up, “Well we know that the clue in the hedge means ‘the door,’ but does it mean the hedge is the door or that the door is near the hedge?”141
“Lets look around the hedge and see.”142
They got up and started looking in the branches for some sign. After thrashing around for some time Shellee turned to Annaliss and asked, “find anything?”143
“Not a door, but I did find some mushrooms. Do you think that means anything?”144
“Where and how many?”145
“Over here under this part.” She pointed to the section near the fairy patch.146
“Three mushrooms. How many times did that leaf go around us?’147
“Three, I think.” Annaliss said.148
“Three mushrooms, three circles. That has to mean something right? I mean it just can’t be a coincidence.”149
“Maybe it’s the last mushroom.”150
They walked over to the third mushroom and squatted down. “It doesn’t look any different than the other two.” 151
Shellee observed. The tops glowed brilliant white with a gray spots dotting here and there in the dawns early light.152
“Look underneath. Yeah that’s it, the leaf landed underneath!” Annaliss stated excitedly. 153
They started to look underneath when a voice stopped them. “That’s far enough,” cracked the voice. “Slowly turn around and walk away from the mushroom.”154
Shellee turned around first, then Annaliss. There was nothing there just green grass and hollyhocks. Perplexed Shellee went to turn back around.155
“Don’t move.” A slight movement blurred the grass. Slowly an outline of a small hunched woman came into view. Green straggly hair framed a brown crinkly face with brown eyes the color of mud. Above the eyes green bushy eyebrows covered half her forehead. Her clothes were dirty and loose mud hung from them, “Thank you for showing me the door to Elden, stupid human child. 156
For six long years I’ve searched and searched. And now because of you careless fairy-child I have found it. Now I shall conquer the land and rule as I was destined long ago.”157
Annaliss gasped as she finally recognized who was standing before them. “Lady Trolleva!” she whispered.158
“That’s right.” She cackled gleefully.159
Shellee and Annaliss slowly snuck closer to each other.
They watched as green slime oozed down Troleva’s arms, dropping off her fingers onto the ground. Lady Trolleva began talking about all the changes she would make. Bringing in all the other trolls and letting them help govern Elden.160
All the while Shellee and Annaliss were whispering to each other. But keeping a careful eye on Trolleva. On and on she went pacing back and forth. Shellee and Annaliss made their plan.161
Annaliss broke through Lady Trolleva’s ranting, “You’re not going to do any of those horrible things to my land.” She fluttered over towards the rosebushes.162
Lady Trolleva couldn’t keep an eye on both of them, but dismissed the human child as not a threat. Annaliss was the one she needed to keep a close eye on.163
“Who’s going to stop me from bringing destruction and pain to all that have opposed me, you?”164
Annaliss nodded, “me and the council. They’ll stop you just like last time.”165
“And me!” piped in Shellee. Bravely she squared her shoulders preparing for a fight.166
“Last time I was caught off guard. I didn’t think the council would figure it was I draining the land. They’re not very bright, you know? But I won’t be caught off guard this time.” She laughed making a high and dry sound.167
As they talked on Shellee had snuck around the back of Lady Trolleva. Wrinkling her nose because of the smell of decay, she pushed back her disgust, squared her shoulders and moved forward. She clinched her fists tight and reviewed the plan she and Annaliss thought up. Shellee could hear Annaliss and Lady Trolleva talking in front of her but not the subject. She concentrated on being quiet and getting close to the ugly troll. The smell of rotting leaves was strong, so Shellee breathed through her mouth.
The arguing got louder, and more intense. Shellee found herself standing right behind Lady Trolleva. Slowly she reached out, pushing past the oozing slime and started tickling. Lady Trolleva started wiggling, and then in mid rant started giggling.168
Annaliss stopped arguing when Trolleva began giggling. Coming up beside Shellee, Annaliss helped tickle her. Changes began almost immediately. Her nose shrunk, and the warts disappeared. The more they tickled, the more she laughed, and the more she changed. Finally a low laugh emerged from Lady Trolleva, Shellee and Annaliss stopped and stared. There in front of them stood a two and a half foot, white haired gnome with a red pointed cp covering half her head. Short, stubby fingers wiggled in front of the gnome. Fat legs and tiny feet the shape of rocks stuck out from beneath a long coat the color of new foliage. Pink sprayed across plump cheeks and under merry blue eyes.169
“Oh my word. I’m back to normal.” Said Lady Eva gratefully, “thank you.”170
Lady Eva disappeared under the mushroom. Shellee and Annaliss hugged for a moment, tears slipped down their cheeks. “Well if you ever come back to my yard, come find me. Whether you need to find a door or not,” laughed Shellee.171
“I’ll do that, “whispered Annaliss. She broke off the hug, “thank you”, and she disappeared under the mushroom also.172
* * *
Shellee woke up in her bad. The covers still in a ball, tutu wearing bear on the floor and the smiling stuffed animals stared at her. Shellee staggered to the bathroom, she wondered if last night was all a dream. Looking in the mirror she notices a crown of forget-me-nots weaved around her head.173
“Guess it wasn’t a dream after all,” she whispered. “Mom,” She yelled “guess what?” she said running down the hall.
Author notes
Option 1
Edited 1-23
In a list
A contest entry
- Completed Works Contest by whichcraft.
350 points, ended February 5, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
This is quite an old story but pretty good. It had originality, proper story format with only a few paragraphs clumped together and the title left room for curiousity. I labelled your story a 70%. Thank you for entering the contest.
-
-
This is the first story I wrote when I started writing again. Thanks for the 70%. It was higher then I thought I would get
-
-
ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL!
Oh Syren! This was wonderful! I enjoyed it very, very much. It was not by any means predictable. You had my attention from beginning to end! I liked the dog in the middle diversion. It was very effective. Afterwards, I did not expect Tolleva to come into the story. I just loved the fact that tickling her to make her laugh brought her back to normal. It was a truly, truly delightful story! Thank you!
Anaya Roma

-
-
Thank you so much for those wonderful words of praise. I did like the story when I was writing it and I always thought it was one of my better ones. But I can't write a truly terrible villain. It's something I've been working on. Plus this was a story for my children. Shellee if Shelbie and Ryelee put together.
Again thank you.
~*Brooke*~
-
-
Your writing style is pretty good, but mostly I have issues with your formatting and a few little things.
In your first paragraph you use present tense, but then a paragraph later you jump to past tense. Personally I prefer past tense for storywriting, but I've seen present tense done well at times. Either way, I feel like you should be consistent with your tenses. Sometimes, even in the middle of paragraphs you change tenses- like the very last sentence of the second paragraph where you cut back into present tense when it should be past tense.
Some very beautiful imagery here- silver confetti, lacy, gossamer, fireflies... such images are vivid in your writing and really paint the picture quite well.
Another thing that concerned me with your writing was the lack of flow when you cut in and out from one characters' point of view to another- from about paragraph 9 onward you switch back and forth between characters at least 7 times, giving each character only a few paragraphs at most- this becomes very distracting.
I'm not sure if the "Ahhhhhhhh" was necessary when Annaliss was screaming- I think you could cut it out and we'd get the idea.
A lot of very beautiful descriptions of flowers takes place throughout the piece, again giving it mood and atmosphere which is lovely.
I liked how you gave a bit of an introduction to the characters before cutting into the plot- the search for the door to Elden. It was effective in captivating the reader's interest- but then luring them in to the main plot.
The fairy's remark regarding dogs was funny and a nice touch. As well, the leaf circling was very effective.
Your descriptions are clear and never drag on- they're of the perfect length.
You do have a few noticable spelling errors- such as "slim" instead of "slime", so you may want to make sure to do some really close reads of this, but for the mostpart the spelling and grammar is just fine.
Again, another charming part of your story is how Trolleva is a typical evil villain who rants and rants instead of actually doing anything. In this case, it gives the heroes some time to fight back.
Also, I liked how the heroine didn't physically attack the villain- but that the weapon of choice was tickling. This was an interesting way to remove a "curse" I think- very creative.
Thanks for an interesting story. ^^ -
-
After Totem commented on the tenses I must have not gotten to it. But thank you for pointing them out for me. I have learned since then to go back over the story once or twice and sometimes more looking for the tenses. This was my first attempt after not writing for many years. I hope that my writing on the other stories has improved.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this. Your suggestions will help me a lot on this story and stories to come.
Again thank you
~*Brooke*~
-
-
watch your tenses it should be looked not look after clothes etc.
ok this was the cutest story I've read
it's well thought out, detailing is great! well done

-
Real good fairy story
Hello youngster, that was a really good read, if you let yourself go you can actually go through the door,...i did. Well done.
Ps, are you back at school?. -
-
Hey thanks
What makes you think I'm in school? Please don't say that it my writing. That would wound me. I actually am 34 years young and am a mother of three. lol My wee ones help me write like I'm young.
But hey thanks for reading. I loved this one and yes I've gone 'through the door'. Replenished Cup is the next one in line from this one. It's not done and it really needs help but its 'through the door'.
Again thank for reading.
~Syren~
-
-
Your language is sharp, neat, direct. Though it is descriptive, it sounds simple to the reader. Your imagination is pretty smart and you create through your words a vivid imagery for your readers as well. Great Going. Keep up the good work!
-
-
Thanks
Hey thanks for reading and commenting. This was one of my funner ones to write. I sometimes can get over descriptive at the beginning and then not enough near the end. But I think I pulled it off this time.
Again thanks for reading and commenting.
-
-
I love the details and imagery put into this story as well you describe everything it's like you can see it with your own eyes and it's soo sweet I really like it
1 - 12 of 12






