The Day Of Court...

I didnt sleep good last night and when I got up this morning I started dreeding the day ahead of me. I opened my door to see that mom was in the shower so i did my hair and got all dolled up because you have to look simi decent to go to court. We went and picked up Chelsea because she was going with me. I needed someone there not my mother because I didnt even want her in the room. I was walking into the court house with my mother, Chelsea, and the atornys when Chelsea warrened me to not look to my left. Stupid me did any ways and it was him, it was Chris. I looked toward the ground i didnt have the courage to look again. He sat down on the other side of this wall and I sat on the opposite so I didnt have to look at me. I lost it. I started crieing. I didnt know how this was going to be like. I didnt know what the inside of the room I would have to go in to talk looked like. I was so close to the one that probably hates me and that I still love and cant do nothing except sit there dazed. I heard someone call my name and I walked throught these 2 doors and just stopped. I didnt know where to go or what to do. They made me go stand by my atorny and I had to say "I do" because they asked if i would tell whole truth nothing but the truth s ohelp me god blah blah shit. They point for me to take the stand. I knew I was scared but I didnt know how scared I was until I started walking up the stairs to the stand knowing Chris was looking right at me. My atorny asked me the simple qeustions and then she got to the point of the night that everything happened. She also had me point out who chris was and it was hard really hard but I didnt dare look into his eyes. Then Chris's atorny started asking me qeustions. He kept asking me about how much he drank and do I know what it was and shit. He was trying to make it that Chris was drunk and didnt know what he was doing. Chris knew what he was doing he was shit faced. The judge said that I could get off the stand and walk out the doors I came from and I did as told. While I was going back down the stairs I started shaking because I knew Chris was looking at me. When I walked out of the room I started crying. For some reason while I was up there i didnt cry I didnt shed a tear. I was so affraid that I could even cry. I went home after that and know I'm here writeing this. Seriosly it was as bad as I thought but when i was leaving he ended up walking past me and all I did was look down to the floor. The toughest part was seeing him thinking he hates me. Talking in a room with him looking right at me and people I didnt even know looking at me. I never want to go through that again. I never shook as much as I did when it was time for me to walk past him. I dont think i have any thing to worry about any more except try to get over him and everything that had happened this past year. I'm ready to move on with my life but affraid...1