Once apon a time there was a girl, she was so happy and everyone loved her and no one ever hurt her. she was an angel and her wings were so bright that you couldn't stare to long for fear of blindness. she was amazing, smart beautiful and talented, everybody envied her, but they never took the time to look into her eyes.1
this girl who had a 1000 watt smile at night screamed and cried she was to afraid to say how she felt inside so behind her happy mask she always hid. 2
and this is that angel's story...3
her name was actually trisha, angel was the girl she dreamt about when things would start to get bad at home, and this girl was anything but happy. she would laugh and sing when others would watch, but as soon as there eye's were close her real colours shined out. inside her heart was rotten and black and her feelings she seemed to lack and all she wanted was her innocence back. she didn't want to know about sex, she didn't want to have disorders, and she didn't want to be facinated, instead of scared, of her favorite thing... cutting.4
only a baby and living through so much all most to much to take. her father is gone, and she doesn't know what to feel. she's glad that he's gone now her bruises cvan heal. her mother locked away in her self controlled by her addiction, and this little child left to fend for herself. rapped and molested, hollow and betrayed, this poor little angel will never be saved.5
in her room all alone, and so afraid she trys to catch
her breath, hearing the party right down stairs, she slices and her parents don't even know, inching closer and closer to death, she closes her eyes and trys to find the courage. in a flash her life apears to her, she remembers all the pain and tears, and there on the floor of her childs room she dies.6
and as death creeps up she sees a light and hears a voice all so sweet, and with a smile she sees the angel from her dreams. she's there to greet her with her bright white wings and in heaven she flys and she can finnaly dance and sing. trish the angel can be happy now, no longer does she wear a mask, happy at last.7
the next morning her parents find her cold as ice and snow, all high and drunk they start to freak out and i know that they knew. they were to blame for all her pain and all the crimson she shed, they could have saved there angel could have let her fly, but insted they ignore and tragically this poor little angel died. 8
Author notes
this is about how all her life a girl was tortured by her self and abuse and depression took her over but in death the dream she dreamt of, freedom from her torture, came true
can any of you relate?
Comments
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This story really has some good possiblities however, not know you I'll have to take a guess and say you wrote it for a reason and not to create a story.
At some point though, you should take another look at it and set it up a little better.
Find someone who will beta read it for errors. One I see without really trying is, you say the father is gone, then continue about her parents [parents mean two, not just mom?]
Other than that, it's a very heartfelt telling. I like that she dreams of an angel and eventually, that is what she becomes....
Keep writing. I can see the talent is there, you just need to harness it!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very Good
Hey hun,
I can relate to your story. It is yet again very well written, powerful and emotional. Don't get discouraged, keep on writting it is the best thing that you can do for yourself. You know i'm here if you need to talk and i think this story is really great. Even though you think it is to poetic and unlike a story i don't think that you should change a thing about it. love you tons and keep up the good work.overall: 10.
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