Though i cry, i can see the rain drops falling. This is a secret tear that i cry. 1
The pain is a black cloud. The dying breath is my one and only desire. Blood in runnels and tears in the sink. 2
I wish that you were here, i look out at my hammock were i used to lay and dream about you. Now it is nothing more than i suspended bed of shattered memories. 3
When i lay the strings are cold and wet, but thats okay i really dont plan on getting back up. So all i do is lay, and give up the desire to live. 4
I feel the rain hit my chest, then it turns to hail as the swirling mass of destruction comes closer, I am sucked into its grasp and flung into the roof of a barn were my heart is peirced by a board. 5
Now that i lay here dying, the memories are fading, then before the blackness draws in all i feel is these tear drenched eyes. 6
Author notes
yeah
i dont give a fuck
Comments
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it's a nice piece... the guys kinda emo here... well... for me he seems... yeah... anyway... I like how you started the story...your introduction created the damp setting, making his pain more realistic, and the ending is so...sad. It was short but cute... great job!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 9, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Interesting
This was quite interesting to read, although it is sad. I have felt like this a few time in the past when things have just gone completley wrong. This was a good write mason, keep your head up.
Muchlove
Donnaoverall: 8.
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sad story
you need to capitalize every I
line 3: I wish that you were here, i look out at my hammock were i used to lay and dream about you. Now it is nothing more than i (a) suspended bed of shattered memories.
line 5: pierced (i before e except after c)beginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 5, overall: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 1.
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