As griffin leaves the chambers of the Queen and walks silently down the hall beside Anina. A small boy comes running and laughing from around a corner. Running up to Anina he grabs her. Anina jumps in fained surprise letting out a little shriek. The boy laughs even more. Anina leans down grabs the little boy and tousles his hair. “What are you doing up here you little monster?” Anina asks with a mock frown upon her face. 1
“Just playing with Kathren.” the little boy replies seriously. 2
Anina looks around “Well, I don’t see her.” 3
The little boy wriggles out of her arms, “She’s a little ghost and she is my friend. She only lets ME see her.” 4
“Oh I see.” She says smiling not sure if she should believe him or not. In this strange castle, almost anything is possible. 5
Griffin looks on seeing the warmth and love Anina offers this young lad. 6
Anina kneeling down beside the boy looks up to Griffin saying, “Please excuse my little brother. He lives here in the castle with me now. Like you, my parents were also killed and the Queen in her kindness has given us refuge here.” 7
Griffin looks down with a warm smile and says, “He looks to be about seven. Has he begun his training yet?” 8
Anina frowns not understanding, “Of what training do you speak?” 9
“Those of the mind, body and spirit. Already he shows signs of his first spiritual awakenings and must soon learn the skill of mind blocking. Send him to my room after supper tonight I will give him his first lesson. Also, as soon as the Queen feels better inform her of his sight. Queen Essilynn and Witchy are trained more then I in the magical arts and will understand his peril. Until then Anina, Goodnight.” Griffin walks alone back to his room his mind in turmoil. So much death and heartbreak he has seen and felt of late. Have I come too late? He wonders… 10
Griffin alone in his room dons his scabbard and slowly draws it. Flames spark up and down the edge of the blade. He holds the sword straight up before him and closes his eyes in concentration. The flames become brighter. With his eyes still closed, he begins to move slowly and gracefully forward, moving the sword through precise lines and arcs. He quickly passes it to his left hand reversing the steps he just took. Now he begins to stretch and weave his speed increasing with each moment that passes. The sword becomming a brilliant blur of fire that surrounds him as he swoops and weaves about the room. The little boy having come in while he practiced his deadly but beautiful art stares in awe. 11
Suddenly Griffin moves towards the boy, deadly fire flashing about him, his eyes still closed. The boy looks up as the blade races down. His eyes cross as the blade stops just inches above him. The boy in shock falls, fainting there on the spot.12
Griffin opens his eyes and sheaths his sword. The room seems to be shadowed in darkness now. A warm smile comes to his face as he picks the boy up and places him on the bed. He remembers how it was for him the first time he watched his father practice. Such innocence should be protected he feels, wishing for better times. He pulls the chair beside the bed and waits for the boy to awaken. 13
The image of his dead little brother tied to a tree, birds eating his eyes. His mother’s broken and ravaged body at his feet, his father... he pushes the terrible images from his mind. 14
"I know the Queen is going to become irrational now, as once did I.", he thinks, "I must find an ally, she is too important and has the potential to hold this kingdom together. However, if she losses control she could be far more dangerous then her mother ever was." 15
As the little boy awakens, he jumps a little in startlements and embarrassment finding himself on Sir Griffin’s bed. Again, Griffin finds himself smiling down upon the boy. “What is your name lad? Griffin asks. 16
“My name is Daniel.” The little boy says with a tremble in his voice.17
“I see, a good name that is fitting a young man of the castle. Tell me Daniel, how long have you been aware of the ghosts?” He asks. 18
The boy sits up straighter now, feeling a little less shy as he looks up to this tall, kind, yet powerful man. “She came to me just this morning. She seemed a little shy at first until I spoke to her. Then we became friends. She asks a lot of questions about the people here.” Griffin listens with some mounting concern.
"Do you trust me?" Griffin gently asks the boy.
“Yes, I think so.” The boy says with a slight tilt to his head.
“Good, then I want you to do me a favor. When speaking to Kathren from now on remember not to repeat the things you hear or know of the people here. Doing so is like a bad person who spreads rumors. You’re not a bad person are you?” Griffin asks.
“No!" he responds emphaticly. "I want to be like you when I grow up. You’re not bad are you?”
Griffin laughs and replies, “No I am not. Moreover, thank you for the complement. 19
Sir griffin becomes aware of someone moving quietly in the hall outside his room yet continues his lesson. 20
"Now, I want you to listen to the sound I make with my voice.” Griffin begins to hum. “Can you hear that in your mind?” he asks.
“Yes.” Danny replies. “Good, now close your mind and listen only with your ears, acknowledge the sound with your mind, but don’t let the power itself enter. Continue to practice that as I find out who stands outside my door. Try to sense the power behind our words. Listen to the words, block the power.” When I finish out there, I will become quite busy. So you must leave then.” 21
Griffin stands picking up and donning his sword and scabbard as he moves silently to the door. He stops and listens. He hears the sound of a breeze as it passes through the persons clothing. Concentrating on the sound, he perceives the image of a man dressed in robes. The frame of the person is to large to be a woman. There is also the reflection of a higher sound of metal. He lets his mind free associate with the people he has met. Ahh, Witchy friend to the Queen he realizes. He opens the door and for a moment watches Witchy as he catches small sights of the ghosts. 22
“Good evening sir, I gather you have come to find out if I am truly friend or foe?” Griffin speaks quietly drawing Witchy’s attention with his question. “Please enter my room. Daniel, Anina’s little brother is here as well. He is training tonight with me. So pay him no heed” 23
Witchy enters, concern written across his visage. He looks and sees the boy still sitting on the bed with his eyes closed deep in concentration. Then follows Griffins suggestion and puts him from his mind. 24
“Tell me a little about yourself Witchy? I don’t quite understand your relationship to the Queen. I need to know so we can better understand each other. It’s obvious she trusts you. Please sit down and tell me your story.” Griffin takes off his scabbard and sits on the edge of the bed. Tossing back his long brown hair. 25
Griffin hopes this man is as smart and kind as his class should make him. He has met bad and stupid mages before. Soon I may have to answer his questions as well and state my true purpose here. But not all, Please.. not yet. Not till I….the Queen.....no I do not even dare let those thoughts enter my mind in this castle. 26
Witchy enter and sits, and looks at Griffin “You know why I am here. So don’t play games with me.,” he says. For a moment there eyes lock in challenge. This is not what Griffin wants. He quickly breaks contact. “As you wish then Sir Witchy. I shall tell you my story” 27
“My father was a seasoned knight in the king’s army surviving many campaigns. During his final campaign against overwhelming odds, a tendon was cut in his leg. No longer could he march. For his prowess in battle, he had gained the respect of his companions and his king. For which he was deeded a small village called Farendal. He was a fierce fighter and continued to practice. Before I could speak, I watched him develop this deadly art. Such grace and speed he showed, his features coming alive as the sword flashed around him.28
I was in awe of him and would sit and watch for hours. When I was about seven he started training me and for many years thereafter we practiced. He first helped me develop my strength, then to develop speed. Going on to the higher training in using intimidation and cunning like second weapons. He also taught me The Code of Honor as it was taught to him by the king himself and by which he lived 29
I was hurt often by him in those early years. 30
My mother being a sorceress started training me in the arts of the magi. Of this I was not especially adapt.. then. I could only learn the arts that would help me survive and overcome my enemies with my sword. 31
So, I learned the magi of heal to attend to the wounds of my father and myself during our tough but mock battles. Then the magi of confuse to trip up a weak of mind foe. The art of confuse I found does not work well on the strong of mind and spirit. Rather I found the art of intimidation and cunning better tools. I tried using the magi of confuse on my father during one of our bouts. Ha, such a trashing I received that day. I learned my lessons well: Never trust magic in the heat of battle, for there is not enough time to formulate your thoughts. Never show weakness to a foe, for he will use it against you. And ALWAYS follow the Code of Honor, without which your life has no value or meaning. 32
It was much later and through much pain I learned the skills you may see me use now. But please forgive me, more I must by honor not say at this time. 33
We all have our secrets and painful memories that burden our souls. Some secrets and memories will be revealed as occasion arises, others, as you must know, we will take to our graves. 34
Now, there are important matters to discuss with the King and his councilors. Perhaps you’ll be so kind as to introduce me? Before Witchy answers Sir Griffin turns to the boy.35
"Daniel, it is time for you to go. Tell me first though; could you feel the power separate from our words?
“Yes but...?” Daniel replies. “Describe what you felt.” Griffin commands.
“I felt a strong power of coldness from Witchy that I don’t know how to block. It made me shiver all over.” 36
“I understand, that’s ok. If you are, and remain of good heart, Witchy may find it within himself to teach you more about that. Now, what about me? What did you sense?” He asks. 37
“Well, that was strange, at first I could feel warmth that soothed and comforted me. I didn’t want to stop it then suddenly as you started to speak to Witchy, it disappeared. I felt nothing but the sound of your voice.” 38
“Very good, what you had noticed is me, out of respect for Witchy, stopping any power that may be considered an effort to influence from being transmitted. That is enough for today’s lesson. Now go, and remember what I said about Kathren.” The boy slips off the bed bowing to Witchy and I then departs. 39
At the door he suddenly stops and turns “Do you think that Queen Essilynn will be ok?”, he asks 40
“Of course she will. She is just sad right now.” Griffin replies confidently. “Why do you ask?” 41
“ Well, just before I came here she was running through the hallways screaming something about someone named Kain and going to the dungeon.” He states with concern in his voice. 42
“Thank you for telling me Danny. We’ll check in on her. Don’t worry. Now go!” I reply as I look toward Witchy. “I was afraid of this, we must act quickly. Come, let’s get the King and find her before she acts unthinkingly.” 43
Danti comes into Griffins room just as they were about to leave. He greets Griffin politely but then offers a secondary greeting in elfin. Griffin doesn’t show it, but he is shocked. Does he know? he wonders. He sends a quick precise questing probe into the apprentice mage, finding only that these words were due to his heritage and out of respect. Relieved, he welcomes him. 44
“Yes, of course you may join us, if it is acceptable to Witchy your master instructor. I want all those who love and care for the Queen to join us. It is my hope that if we surround her with love we may break the hold that hate now has upon her. She is the light of this kingdom. We can not let the clouds and demons of darkness take her.” Now come, both of you, offer me what support you can as I confront the King. 45
I have heard that she loves him. We will need his help and that of any others who are close to her. There must be no avenue open for her to escape from herself.” Griffin states as he picks up his sword and scabbard and dons his bright black annd red cape. 46
Witchy speaks up. "I hear the King is in the dinning room."47
Griffin with a serious look upon his face rushes from the room, his cape waving behind him immediately encountering the ghosts in the hall. Without breaking stride or even an acknowledgement, he sends out beams of energy. He has no time at the moment to settle the spirits of the castle. 48
As Griffin rushes down the hallway, young Dante races up to him. “Wait, M’Lord Griffin, the King is no longer in the dining hall. He went out to the practice yard to exercise.” 49
‘Thank you, lead the way then.” Griffin replies. 50
They race out to the courtyard and find the king practicing in full armor with his great sword. Griffin watches in admiration for a moment as the King performs complex katas. The King laughs as he sees us. 51
“Ahh, so you have come out for a little fun then?” He says while twirling his blade. Then notices the serious looks upon all our faces. Leaning the sword against a wooden pillar used for practice he approaches. 52
I lower my head and kneel before him. “Sire I…. We have grave concerns about Queen Essilynn.” Griffin proceeds to explain 53
….shortly after. the King, a grave look upon his face states “You bring bad tidings indeed. Now stand and let us head for the dungeon.” taking Griffins arm and pulling him up. "I know a shortcut from here.” as he now leads the way. 54
*Next four paragraphs accidently erassed*
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...55
Griffin though happy that the Queen is with child is reserved. Something is not as it appears perhaps. He will not probe the Queen. Everything he stands for will end if he shows any disrespect. But the bruises…. timing…hmmm. Perhaps it’s just his war torn memories. There are those with power watching her for both Good and Evil. Soon she must face her greatest challenge, she has the tools needed to face them, but can she use them anymore? 56
Griffin looks too Witchy, “We must talk.” He says calling him aside. “I have not been in the realm of Orion that long. Is this the way Queen Essilynn always acts? I mean the impulsiveness of her actions seems off. I think I have noticed, that all of you who know her well, seem to be concerned or am I mistaken? Has she spoken to her ancestors recently asking for advice? I understand that is the Elvin way. She didn’t even want to discuss anything with her mother or any of us for that matter. You know her better then I, advise me.” Griffin speaks with mounting concern and states the question he fears the most. ”Is she competent to rule? If not…..” 57
Witchy having put a ball of ice around them while he spoke, listens carefully to Griffins words and considers all that he has seen and heard of late. Then says “There are certainly strange goings on of late I admit. She is like a daughter, or sister if you will. As such, I will not answer hastily. It grows late, lets rest and consider and hope for new question and wisdom that will lead us to different more acceptable answers. Good night sir Griffin ” 58
With a wave of his hand he dissipates the ball of ice. Turns with a look of concern on his face towards his room and walks away. As they part and walk there separate ways Witchy turns one more time and looks at Griffin walking to his room, his eyes furrow for a moment then he turns and walks on. 59
Griffin having well rested after his talk to Witchy, decides it is time to leave the castle for a time. Anina comes in early with Daniel beside her with a breakfast tray in her hands. “Good morning Sir Griffin I hope you have slept well?” She says putting the tray on the desk. 60
“Good morning to you and Danny as well. Why this special treatment?” I ask, smelling the odors of the fine food wafting through the room. 61
“It is for the kindness you have done for Daniel. He hasn’t stopped talking about you since you gave him his first lesson. I think he is practicing using his newfound skill on all his imaginary friends. He even talked the master craftsman into making him a wooden sword. He thinks you're going to be a hero to the realm or something.” She laughingly states. 62
“I am honored. We all need our heroes. I hope I can live up to his expectations.” He says as he sits to give justice to the food. 63
Anina and Daniel wait in respectful silence while he eats. Once completed, he says. “That was wonderful, thank you for your kindness. Now, I must be going. I have an important journey to make. If Danny would be so kind is to inform the stable master of my emanate departure, I would be grateful. Daniel eagerly complies rushing out of the room. I turn to Anina, now alone. “When and if I get back, I will need to know more about these imaginary friends of his.” So saying I don my scabbard, cape, and leave. She will care for his room. 64
I ride late into the evening through the forest. The sounds of the creatures abound. When suddenly silence…. I am wise to the woods and silence means something or someone is near. I move slowly and quietly keeping to the darker edges of the path. My steed snickers giving my location away. There ahead something moves in the shadows and again to my right. I know this now to be a band of bandits. Seeing a traveler riding alone they wish to rob me first of my steed and then my life. I have seen there like before. This fine black stallion I ride is well trained and will hold the path alone as well as be a dangerous foe with its teeth and hooves to any man alone. 65
With my left hand I grab the reins with the other my sword. As I draw my sword from its scabbard fire glows from the blade. My steed rears back his paws cleaving the air. I strike to the right… an arm that was reaching is severed. The night fills with his screams. My steed comes down on another. On my left another comes I kick out knocking him down. I kick in with my heels signaling my horse ahead. Ha, they think I’m running off. That is to be there second and last mistake. 66
As I break free ahead I stop and turn, my heart pounding in anger. I let go of the reins reach into my jacket and pull out a knife. Again my horse rears up and we charge back in. I throw my knife at one piercing him through the throat. Then grab my pummel and lean to the right slicing off the head of another. Breaking free again I stop and turn. There gone, disappearing into the night. I wait for a moment, calming myself, then dismount from my horse and walk over to the bodies. I retrieve my knife cleaning it upon his jerkin. I search them but little do I find. 67
Remounting my horse I walk on deeper into the forest. I will reach the cave by morning. 68
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Interesting world and people you are creating here. I will definately keep reading to see how they develope and what happens next.
A few things I noticed while reading that you might want to check on:
Paragraph 11 You say "Witchy enters" on line 4, then in paragraph 14 you restate "Witchy enters" on line 1. No need for him to enter twice.
Paragraph 12 to 15: The sequence of events through these paragraphs is a bit confusing. I was all set to see Witchy speak but we end up listening to Griffin instead. It could be that I am just missing the transition, which is entirely possible, but you might want to read over that section.
Paragraph 15, line 4: The word "greeded". Should that have been "deeded"? On line 7, "aw" should be "awe" and on line 8, "there after" should be "thereafter".
Paragraph 18, line 1: "know" should be "now".
Paragraph 21, last line: "and I then departs" should be "and then departs".
Paragraph 30, line 1: "having well rested" should be "having rested well" and Anina name is spelled wrong here.
The last line is "She will care for his room". That line doesn't really fit the paragraph or forward the story. It seems to come out of nowhere. If you intended it to show a closer relationship developing between Anina and Griffen you might want to have her say it to him as he leaves.
Paragraph 32: Horses paw the air with their hooves, not have paws. Might want to reword that part.
Paragraph 33, line 4: "there gone" should be "they are gone" and not real sure on this one, shouldn't "disappearing" be "disappeared"?
Enough of the little things. I hope you don't feel I'm being picky by listing them but I think the story will read more smoothly if they are fixed.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Loved it! Can't wait to read more!
Keep it up,
Jewel -
I enjoyed this very much and am looking forward to reading more of the quest.
Great job
Gypsy -
Well it is only the first part of a much longer story
Where this Griffin takes over the kingdom and becomes known as The One in an epic battle. In this portion it is just an introduction to the charector
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ummm...interesting, very well written. In certain aspects confussing, but thumbs up! xox
1 - 5 of 5

