The Train Passed By

“Fine! Run away! You’ll just come crawling back!” yelled the drunken voice at the hooded girl, muffled by the noise of a train. She wouldn’t have listened if she heard the cry anyway. Her legs were ready to run, and her mind was shot with sleep deprivation, looking for any kind of release from her life, and herself.  She ran down the pavement, flapping with her sneakers, yet no one chased her. They never did. She took a few turns down the road of her sleeping neighborhood, and slowed down her pace. Going around every bend, and through every tree, walking through the near by park, covered in dark blue, misty night. Eventually, she found that “someplace” to break away from it all, even if just for a minute. It wasn’t empty though, she saw a shadowed, slouching figure in her spot, sitting on an old tree stump, 10 feet away from frequented railroad tracks. She considered if she would confront the stranger, or go back there ……1

4:52 am, once again the screaming voices were melting through the walls, and fighting its way to the ears of the brunette girl. No matter how tight she wrapped her pillow around her head, every word still broke their way into her head. She had enough to deal with, she didn’t need anymore…2

“You’re in my seat.” She spoke confidently to the slouched figure with her arms huddled for warmth. The figure lifted his eyes from under a baseball hat, and confidently spoke back, with smoke drifting out of his mouth. 3

“No. I’m in my seat”. When she saw that he was a person she could easily beat up, she shoved him off the tree stump. He hit the gravel next to the stump, and smiled in good spirits. She sat down on “her seat” and looked back down on the figure, lying stretched out on the gravel. 4

“What are you doing here?” She asked, frowning down at him.5

“Relaxing.” He replied, while bringing a joint up to his mouth. He took a drag, and offered her one. “What are you doing here?” he returned the question, with a held breath.6

She refused the joint, and answered 7

“I always come here. This is my spot, and I don’t want some stupid stoner here. Go home.” she didn’t even look at him when speaking.8

“Why?” he asked simply back, ignoring the insults.9

“Because I want to be alone.” She said, with her head looking straightforward at the white streetlights on the other side of the railroad tracks.10

“Then you leave.” He exclaimed, letting the smoke float out of his mouth. She didn’t leave though. No matter how much she would deny it to herself, she didn’t want to be alone. She sat there, in the company of a complete stranger, just to feel some one next to her….. 11

“You’re never around! Maybe she wouldn’t be like this if her father was there!” Her mothers voice rang through the walls. They started fighting at 4:43, and already by 4:55 am, the argument had become about her. 12

“I’m never here ‘cause I’m always at work. Some one has to pay for all your shoes! You’re daughter just needs to stop feeling sorry for herself!”13

Her father often denied she was his daughter in arguments. She climbed out of bed, slipped on her shoes, and ran out of her room with tears forming in her eyes…14

“Why do you even do that?” The hooded girl asked at length, as the boy took another drag from his joint.15

“Why do you come here?” He asked, holding the smoke in his lunges.16

“I just like it here.” Replied the girl, staring straight ahead into whatever darkness the night had.17

“No.” Began the boy, letting the smoke lace out of his mouth. “You come here to get away from everything, and find a little peace.”18

“What makes you say that?” She replied, knowing he was right.19

“Because that’s why I do this.” He said, looking up at the girl for the first time, noticing that she hadn’t looked at him.20

“But sitting here doesn’t ruin my life, or ruin my health like that does.” The girl said, sticking to her beliefs, yet not even lowering an eye to who she was challenging.21

“Do you drink coffee or pop? Do you eat chocolate, meat, butter, salt?” He began his defense. “ They all hurt you in one way or another. Everyone has their drug. People drink beer after beer after beer, ruining their liver, yet it’s seen as just having a stress reliever, or having a good time. Marijuana does less damage than alcohol, and opens my mind. It relaxes me, and gets me thinking, instead of dulling my senses. Yet I am seen as some no good criminal because I chose an alternate way of destroying myself.” 22

“Alright, fine. Don’t go on some hissy fit.” She replied in reaction to his rant, yet still not even looking at him. The boy dropped the subject, and lay back down on the gravel…23

“Where are you going?” The girl’s mother addressed her husband.24

“I am making sure she’s not sneaking out again!” Snapped back he, almost with the sound of beer on his tone. He burst through the door, and caught the girl by the arm as she was attempting her escape.25

“Where do you think your going?” His alcoholic breath streamed.26

“No where.” The girl lowered her eyes in response.27

“I bet your sneaking off again. Probably going off sleeping with the neighborhood!” He spoke, tightening his grip on the girls arm. She escaped from his clutch, and began to run down the hall. Unfortunately, he got a hold of her again, and raised his free fist in the air to hit her. She pulled away with every bit of energy in her, and soared out the door, pulling her black hood over her teary eyes…28

“Why don’t you look at me?” The boy in the hat began. “I’m not that ugly, am I?”29

“I just don’t like people looking at me.” She replied, still looking straightforward.30

“Why?” He asked, steering his head around, trying to see the girl’s eyes. She pulled her head away.31

“I just don’t. At least its better than pretending to me something I’m not, like you.” She replied, pointing the blame to him to take it off herself.32

“What do you mean?” He said with an offended tone. “You don’t even know me.”33

“I see your clothes. Popular name brands and whatever fad happens to be going on at the time.” She stated, in no mood to be friendly. “You are just following everyone else, and do what they tell you. You’re all controlling each other, and you all are being controlled. You’re afraid to even ask yourself in silent if you are who you say.”34

“Again, you don’t know me. Do you really think a person is defined by what they wear?” He defended himself, not feeling as happy-go-lucky as earlier. “Besides, how are these clothes the fad? Do you want me to go walking around like all of you?”35

“What do you mean by that?” Her tone grew angry, yet her face did not meet his.36

“The way I see it, there are only really two kinds of clothes. The kind I am wearing, and the kind you are wearing.” He began. “I can either dress for warmth, which is what I am doing, or dress like you in all black, whining to complete strangers how horrible my life is. Always saying you’re judged for being who you are.”37

“I’m sorry that we can’t all be so damn peppy all the time! I guess everyone else’ life isn’t as comfortable as yours.” She interrupted the boy in the gravel.38

“My life is not comfortable.” He began, as the hooded girl snorted a laugh. “Everyone has their problems! You think because I don’t dye my hair black doesn’t mean I don’t have struggles. We all do! What matters is how we handle them.  You decide to show them off to everyone, but I have no good reason to dump my problems on some one else, who already has their own.”39

“You don’t know what struggle is.” The brunette girl interrupted again.40

“See? This is what I am talking about.” The boy continued his lecture. “You all think you are so freakin’ special with your abusive parents or father who was never there. Boo hoo! Everyone else has them too. You are not special, I am not special! I’m sorry for what has happened to you, or to anyone else, I really am, but you are not the only one with problems. Yes, it’s hard to get through things, but it all ends eventually. You just have to cope with it until then.”41

“By smoking weed I suppose.” She snapped sarcastically back.42

“Drop it! You’re no better.” He took a drag from his joint, and tried to calm down.43

“What do you mean?” She asked, trying to keep the argument going, anything to keep her mind off her life. 44

“Nothing, never mind.” He replied, looking away from the girl’s scarred arms.45

Suddenly, a repetitive “ding” sound interrupted their discussion, as the railroad arm came down before the two. They sat there in the stale tension of silence, other than the unceasing train bell.46

“Sorry.” The boy broke the silence, at length.47

“For what?” she replied, still with her head straightforward.48

“I was being very judgmental, and just felt like fighting I guess.” The boy spoke again.49

“All right.” The hooded girl began. “Is that something your worried about? Being judgmental?”50

-“Yes.”51

-“You’re the only one.”52

“Everyone should be worried about it.” The boy professed. “But I guess not many are.”53

“Why are you?” her tone remained plain, and impersonal. 54

“I was raised that way.” He began his answer.55

“What way?” the young girl interrupted.56

-“Christian.”57

The front of the train finally reached them, and passed slowly by, clanging on the tracks. The boy’s attention was dropped to the ground as he followed white stripes of light, breaking through the train’s cargo, crawling across the gravel.58

“Do you believe everything you read in the bible?” She challenged his religion.59

“Yeah, most of it.” He answered, lifting his head up to see hers turned away. “What do you believe?”60

“Life’s crap, then you die.” She sharply answered. 61

-“Thought so.”62

-“What do you mean by that?”63

-“Its just typical to answer that way.”64

“Yeah, well, its typical of some one like you to let them shove all that bull down your throat.” She fought again.65

“What bull? You mean, believing that there are consequences to all the stupid stuff people do? Or believing that there is a purpose of living?” He began a potential lecture.66

“You don’t think there is a consequence to smoking weed?” She revived the topic.67

“Never mind, I don’t feel like getting into some deep theological discussion right now.” He backed-down. “But I am getting annoyed how you keep saying things like you know me. You don’t even know my name, my age, or any of the typical things people ask.”68

“Fine.” The girl began. “What’s your name, how old are you?”69

“Fifteen. Jaise.” He replied.70

“Jaise?” She questioned. “That’s a weird name.”71

“Yeah, well, what about you?” He tried to steer away from the odd name.72

“Same age.”73

-“Name?”74

-“Doesn’t matter.”75

“All right then.” Jaise let it slide. “So, are you single?”76

“Why do you want to know?” Her tone did not seem very seducing.77

“Just curious if some one who has such a negative outlook on life would have anyone to leave behind.” He defended his motives. “You’re not my type.” He slightly laughed, and took another drag from his joint.78

“What’s your type then?” She began. “Some typical stupid silicone cheerleader named Misty, who’s hobbies are boys, puking and the mall?”79

“No.” He jurped with a laugh, as a puff of wasted smoke escaped from his mouth. “My type is some one less pessimistic than yourself. What are your hobbies anyway?”80

“Why? So you can pretend to be interested?” She had a sarcastic response for any question.81

“Fine then. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll just shut up.” Jaise finally gave up.82

“Why would I want to talk to a complete stranger?” She knew the answer to her own question. It’s much easier to be who you are to a stranger, than it is to someone very close. 83

“It’s easier to tell the truth to some one you don’t know, they’ll never see you again.” Replied Jaise, speaking almost the exact thing in the hooded girl’s mind. 84

“That’s true.” For the first time, her tone was not as harsh.85

The train continued crawling in front of them, with the occasional squeal. Rolling slowly into whatever fog it was headed, as the boy in the hat, and the girl in the hood sat there, both trying to suspend themselves from their lives’ for just a brief moment. A few minutes passed by, until Jaise randomly said “How do your parents treat you?”86

“They treat me fine. Why?” She lied, the way she was supposed to.87

“I think you’re lying.” 88

-“What makes you think that?89

-“Because I see the marks on your arms.”90

The hooded girl’s eyes widened, and began to form tears, as Jaise’s words shattered her back in to the world she was trying so hard to forget. She almost had lied to herself enough to believe the scars weren’t there. That she was happy in her life. Yet Jaise saw what she hid so very well. She slid her sleeves over her arms, and huddled over. She was about to stand up and run, just as she always did, but there was nothing waiting for her at home. 91

“Why did you say that?” She managed to sputter, even though her chest felt like it was under that train.92

“Because I know you need to talk about it.” He replied, trying to be sincere.93

“Talk about what? Leave me alone. Go home!” She still looked to the ground.94

“You think that would fix it?” He began. “You’d still have to live with the fact that you have a problem.”95

“You think your some kind of freakin’ therapist? Who do you think you are?!” She yelled, finally turning to him, yet not looking directly in his eyes. “I have a problem? What about you? Toking up, rotting away until your gums peel off! You know what, I don’t care. Destroy your life!” A part of her stress exploded out with her screams. Even if she was still very angry, and depressed, she had some relief when she finally let herself pour out. 96

“Weed is not hurting me like cutting is hurting you.” Jaise fought back.97

“You don’t know me, or what it’s like. Why do you even care?” Her voice still dripped with anger.98

“Oh, that’s right. I’m a stupid little prep who only knows about smiles and sunshine.” Jaise began sarcastically. “You don’t think I have problems, too? When will you stop judging people by a class or style? We are what we make ourselves to be.  It doesn’t matter how we dress, we are in the same position. We are both doing these things just to feel something else take over the moment, something other than our lives. You think I don’t understand? You cut for the same reason I smoke. To simply have something other than emotional pain controlling you. Just to feel everything fall through all at once.”99

The moment Jaise had finished speaking, the hooded girl saw that no matter how hard she tried to hide herself, he knew that part about her.100

“You don’t know anything about who I am.” She lied. “Stop acting like you do. All you people think you understand my “problems” or know what I’m going through. Who ever said I was even going through anything? Just leave me alone, and go home.”101

“You can keep saying things like that, you can keep lying to yourself about your life, but you will eventually have to stop running from it. At some point, you will have no other choice than to turn around, and face the fact that you are not happy.” Jaise argued. “You will have to stop the charade and admit you have a problem. And I know you have one, it’s written all over you.”102

“Shut up.” Said the girl. “Just stop talking. Okay? Can you do that?” 103

-“Why? So you can keep wearing your mask? You will have to address it some time.”104

The girl crossed her arms around her neck and nodded her head down, mumbling, “I know.”105

“What about you?” The girl sat up, and regained her anger. “You have a problem. When will you face it?”106

“I know I have a problem with weed, but it’s one I can live with right now.” He tried to sustain the image of superiority.107

-“Its one that will destroy your life faster than you realize.”108

-“At the moment, I don’t really care.”109

-“Now who is the one who whines about how horrible life is?”110

-“I’m only being honest.”111

-“And you think other people aren’t?”112

“I’m not sure. I guess there are a lot of different people out there.” He sank down in hypocrisy.  113

“Why do you do it anyway?” The girl asked.114

-“Tell the truth?”115

-“Smoke.” She replied quickly. “I mean other than that whole ‘to feel something take over’ crap answer. What exactly do you need a break from?”116

“I guess the pressure. You know, from parents, and life in general.” He began. “Always feeling like some one is expecting something amazing from you. They want me to be some kind of business person. Although I think your problem is different. You probably feel like everyone is expecting something horrible from you, and just over look you completely.” Jaise looked over at the girl for confirmation of his prediction. She just sat there, huddled over in silence, other than the sound of the train, rolling by them, coming to an end.117

“The sun is starting to rise. I should go. Plus, it’s starting to rain.” Jaise said, pulling himself up off the gravel. The hooded girl slipped off the hood, and threw her head back letting the cold sprinkles of rain run down her face. She almost felt at peace, for a brief moment.118

“What’s your name?” Jaise asked, admiring the beauty of the brunette. She slowly turned her head towards him, and looked directly in his eyes, and said, “Sarah.” The end of the train passed and the stop arm slid back up. Jaise eyed whatever was left of his joint, and flicked it away into a forming puddle. He began to slowly walk away, calling back, “I’ll see ya, Sarah.”119