St. paul comes to ausralia

St. Paul goes to Australia1


It is not immediately apparent on how St. Paul the apostle appeared in Indonesia, to be exact at the precise moment and location of the Bali bombings, but like many things, such as the allegations against human rights in Australia, it came to be accepted as common knowledge. However, this was most unfortunate for the bewildered saint, as he arrived precisely three minutes after the bombs went off. Soon after this many a Muslims began chanting “terrorist” in Indonesian, (but luckily for Paul he could speak in tongues and thankfully understand there mad rantings.). After running quite few kilometres (which was quite hard considering the last thing he remembered was being chained to a wall for several months) he found a boat. And here is where our story begins.2

The first thing that I noticed about the boat was that it looked like a tin can sawn in half and crammed with so many people it looked like everyone attending the Passover feast in Jerusalem had been packed into one boat. Someone picked me up and through me down into the bowels of the ship, what they called the “den”. The fleeing people where making a lot of wailing, but I said a quick prayer and none of them opened their mouths for the whole trip, and I was unharmed. I asked where we where going, “Australia” responded an arm (or was it leg?) and so various arms and legs that where protruding began paddling in the general direction of Australia. After running into a Japanese whaler and asking directions we finally made it to Australia Outside was a large sign that said “VACANCY” in large fluro letters. However, when we arrived at the doorstep, there was no welcome mat, or key under it to let us in. Luckily, the local authority’s took care of that. We moved from the stuffy, over packed quarters of our tin can to the stuffy, over packed brig of the navy ship. When we arrived at the camp our rooms were, well, stuffy and over packed. 3

In the camp there was a sign “if you see something say something”. I looked down and say a man so I started yelling incessantly for an hour before I passed out from hyper-ventilating. When I awoke in the sick bay the next morning a man in white suit and glasses the size of jupiter came in and looked at me very quizzically. 4

“You speak English?” he said raising one eyebrow.5

“Yes, I do speak English” I replied not realising that I was speaking English (it was all Greek to me), and the mans eyebrow rose up again.6

“Why where you speaking madly yesterday?” he said raising the eyebrow for the third time.7

“Because the sign said if you see something say something” 8

The mans eyebrow rose once more.9

“So where did you come from” and once again that eybrow raised up.10

“ I come from Jerusalem, the holy city”11

“From Jerusalem”12

“The holy city, yes”13

“Don’t talk back to me!! Ahem. So your from Jerusalem...”14

“…The holy city…”15

“ I said don’t talk back me!!! Honestly, no repscet from foreigners. So Jerusalem…”16

“…The holy city…”17

“FINE!!! So your from Jerusalem, the holy city.”18

“Well…, not really,” At this pint the mans eyebrows came crashing down over his eyes, and his face took a slight reddish tint.19

“Then where are you from” he said slowly.20

“Well, I’m from around”21

“Around where?”22

“Round a’ bout Jerusalem, the holy city”23

It wasn’t unitl this moment that I learnt just how far down a face an eyebrow can travel. If he wasn’t careful he was going to lose his eyebrow for moustache.24

“Right” he said, “Saying that you come near Jerusalem…”25

“…The holy city…”26

“Yes, yes, the holy city, then you must be a Jew or a Christian, is that right?”27

“Yes, I was a Jew for some time, but I left after being blinded in a meeting with Christ. I guess you could call me a Christian, seeing I started the church in antioch.28

“So let me get this straight, you are a christian, from around jerusalem, wait, I know, the holy city. You must then be fleeing muslim pursecution in indonesia.”29

“Pretty much anywhere”30

By tis time the mans eyebrow that had consistantly bobbed up and down had drawn in my attention, and I couldn’t help but stare at it. The man noticed that I was staring at something on his face and snapped at me 31

“It’s rude to stare!” This time both eyebrows went up, and I failed to suppress a giggle. “Stop laughing or I’ll have you deported to a country at random. Again I couldn’t help but laugh a bit as his eyebrow went up, and then down.32

“Now the reason we have that sign up is to stop terrorist groups. So if you see a terrorist, tell someone.”33

“Then I need to talk to someone”34

“Why”35

“Because I’m being terrorised by a man in a white coat” this made his eyebrow start to go up and down quite rapidly, and I think this is how the mans tic started. It became quite legendary among the camp during my stay, and was the butt end of many jokes, and quite a bit of laughter. Because of that eyebrow, he never got the respect that he deserved among his peers in the camp, even though he was in charge there. His name was Steve demand, but quickly (and for obvious reasons) got the nick name “ticky”.36

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