An Unfinished Story (part one)

"No…I won't…I don't need to…I don't wanna let them all down…I'm not messing it up," Amber whispers quietly to herself. The clock on the nightstand reads 2:30 am. She sits on her bed alone in the darkness, with her arms wrapped around herself, rocking back and forth unconsciously. Suddenly, she shakes her head violently, as if saying 'no'. "NO. STOP," she growls deeply at whoever is in her head, "GO AWAY. JUST SHUT UP, NOW." She shakes her head again, this time with more force. She grinds her teeth together, balls her hands into fists, and squeezes her eyes shut tightly; trying to make the hostile voice go away. 1

"You know what I need," It whispers, "Give it to me and I'll go away, I promise." She tries not to pay attention, but it gets louder. "Come on, just once. It'll help you sleep… You'll feel so much better afterwards, TRUST ME." 2

Standing up, she shakes her head roughly. She knows the voice in her head lies. It has lied to her many times before. "I don't believe you," she hisses walking over to her desk, "You LIE." She turns on her computer and pulls out her chair. She sits down and closes her eyes for a moment as the computer starts humming quietly. 3

"Hey, how bout a little 'quickie' while the computer boots up," The Voice asks as the screen starts to glow.4

"I don't think so," she answers opening her eyes and staring at the screen. She watches the Welcome screen come up and enters her password (BleedLiveBe). 5

"Your password says it all baby," The Voice sneers at her, "You want it…NEED it…can't live without it. You KNOW you can't resist… no matter how hard you've tried, you've ALWAYS ended up giving in."6

"Yes," she smiles to herself as she starts the Internet, "but that was before, I was weak back then. I'm stronger now, I can fight it." 7

"You're only fooling yourself ya know," It taunts, "Everyone else knows you're gonna screw up again… You know it too, you just won't admit it."8

"NO, that’s NOT TRUE," she yells, "People believe in me, they know I can do it."9

"Nah, that’s just what they say to your face," It tells her, "They don't REALLY believe it."10

"NO," she yells, " They WOULDN'T do that!" 11

"I hate to tell you this PRINCESS," The Voice spits, "but yeah, they would…and they DO."12

"No…"13

"Yep."14

"Uh uh…" she says typing a web site into the address bar and hitting 'GO' roughly.15

"You know its true," It whispers as the site loads, "Yet another thing you won't admit... why do you delude yourself so much? You're so PATHETIC, ya know that."16

"You're-WASTING-your-time," she says through clenched teeth, "I'm-NOT-LISTENING-to-you."17

"Yeah, ok," It laughs sarcastically, "Is that why you're grinding your teeth?"18

Growling fiercely at The Voice, she shakes her head brutally to dull its effect a little. Focusing on the site displayed on the screen, she types a screen-name (scarred_angel_1984) and then a password (godifeelsobound). She clicks 'ENTER' and breathes a sigh when the next page appears. "Aw shit," she grumbles scrolling down the page.19

"HA," The Voice says, "Nobody is on. Of course what the hell did you expect at fucking 3 in the morning."20

Looking at the computer clock she says, "Its not 3 yet, its only like 2:45… I thought there'd be at least ONE person on."21

"Now why the hell would they be? Huh… just because you WISHED it? STUPID girl, when will you get it through your head… NOBODY REALLY CARES!"harm22

"Shut up! Lotsa people care, they're just all asleep," she tells It as she goes to another web site.23

"Oh, I get it," It says, "They care, but only if they're awake… that’s NICE of them. I bet they're the same people who talk behind your back. Ya know, the ones who say how CRAZY you are, and that you should be LOCKED UP… the ones who are secretly AFRAID of you… the ones who only talk to you because they feel SORRY for you for being so PATHETIC."24

"N-no they wouldn't do that," she stammers, "they understand how I feel".25

"O-oh, Thats riight... its only the people in REAL life who talk behind your back."26

"NO....shut up....its n-n-not true.....they wouldn't do that, they LOVE me."27

"Oh, come on," the voice cackles, "you know you're just kidding yourself. You've heard them before. On the phone, telling all their friends about how fucked up you are... or how fat you are... or what a loser you are..."28

"JUSTSHUTTHEFUCKUPALREADY," she whisper-screams violently, "I refuse to listen to your LIES."29

"You remember those comments though, don't you, little girl. Said by the people who are supposed to love you the most."30

Amber says nothing and pretends to be absorbed in the computer screen.31

"You know i'm right... and you know that those are the NICE comments"