Regrets, but a Begining

She was so nervous. She was to see him in a few days but this was not like all the other times she had done something with him, she was going to tell him something important. Anna was going to tell him that she loved him. 1

They had been friends for quite some time, and eventually she had developed feelings for him. She was not quite sure what his feelings were for her, but she hoped he would consider her words. 2

It was three days before their planned get together when she received a phone call from her mom.3

“Hello?”4

“Hi honey, how are you?”5

“Good mom, how are you and dad?”6

“Fine. I was wondering if you could come home tomorrow and bring James with you.”7

“Um... I guess. Any certain time?”8

“No, just show up. Your father and I need to tell you something important and we would like to do it face to face.”9

“Ok, well I got to go to work but I’ll call James and let him know I’m coming.”10

“Ok. I love you.”11

“Love you too mom. Bye.”12

“Bye, honey.”13

She got off the phone and headed towards the door. Grabbing her keys and purse she exited her apartment and skipped down the stairs to the main entrance and out into the street. Unlocking her car, she got in, checked for traffic and pulled into the street. Along the way she called her brother.14

“James?”15

“Yeah?”16

“Did mom get a hold of you?”

“Yeah, she said that tomorrow you were going to pick me up and we were going to go hear some important news they had to tell us.”17

“Yeah. About eight ok?”18

“No, but I’ll be ready.”19

“Great! Don’t worry, you can sleep on the ride home.”20

“Ok. Well, I’ll see you later.”21

“Ok, love you!”22

“Yup. Bye.”23

Hanging up, she pulled into the parking lot and parked. Locking her car, she headed towards her and her friends’ café. Greeting one of her friends and partners, she walked to their office and put her purse in one of the desk drawers. Pulling a cherry colored apron from the peg on the wall, she wrapped it around her trim, but curvaceous figure and walked out front. 24

“Was it busy today Jolene?” She asked her partner.25

“Not too bad. But we need some cookies and I didn’t get to prep for tomorrow,” Jolene replied as she turned back to shelving the used books.26

Their café consisted of a used bookstore, that they did a good business by itself, a café, with homemade bakery, and a small restaurant with soup, sandwiches, and a specialty items that changed daily. They had all gone to college together, all with different goals in mind when they started, but somehow they had all pooled their skills together and opened this unique business. 27


Anna went into their small kitchen and pre-heated the oven for cookies. Going to her notes on their daily specials, she doubled checked on the special for tomorrow. It was a vegetarian dish of homemade semolina noodles with a tomato, pepper, and mushroom cream sauce. It took a bit of time to prepare, but in the end it was a favorite of everyone. They allowed people to add meat to it upon request for a dollar or so more. In order to save time during the week, Anna made cookie dough on Sundays for the whole week. So all she had to do was pull it out of the cooler, portion it, put it on sheet pans and bake it off. Quickly doing that, she put it into the oven, set the timer and then went to work on the special. She usually made it the day before so whomever was working the next day could just heat it up and serve it. 28

About an hour later, when she was halfway through the dish, her other friend and partner came in. 29

“Hey,” Anna greeted her, up to her elbows in sauce.30

“Hi. How’s it going?”31

“Good. Working on the special for tomorrow. I think I’m going to do the one for the following day too, because I have to go home. Mom and dad have something important to tell my brother and me, so I’m going to be gone the whole day.”32

“Ok. Did you tell Jolene yet?” Sofia enquired as she wrapped a jade apron around herself.33

“No. I forgot.”34

“Oh, that’s ok. I’ll tell her, or I’ll make sure she sees you before she leaves.”35

“Ok. Thanks.”36

Going back to her task, she swirled the spoon in the sauce and contemplated different ways on how to tell him. She considered just tell him outright, or perhaps asking him his feelings for her and going from there, or maybe just not telling him at all and letting him go on life without knowing her feelings for him. 37

She was startled from her thoughts when Jolene tapped her on her shoulder.38

“Still thinking on how to tell Chris, aren’t you?” She said, guessing at Anna’s thoughts.39

“Yeah, I thought with all the hints I’ve been dropping, he would have figured it out by now. Bloody ignorant bastard,” Anna vehemently stated as she took her wrath out on the sauce and sloshed it over the sides and into the fire below. Cursing herself under her breath at the waste and the burnt smell that wafted up, Anna wiped up most of the sauce that had landed on her and the stove top. 40

“Sofia said that you were going to be gone tomorrow,” Jolene said as she hung up her sunflower colored apron, and crossed her arms across her chest as she leaned against the counter next to Anna.

“Yeah, I have to go see mom and dad. They have something important to tell James and me.”41

“Ok. Sophie also said that you were going to make the special for the following day?”42

“Yeah. I’ll freeze it so all you have to do is pull it tomorrow so it defrosts in time.”43

“Cool. Well, I’m going home. I’ll see you when you get back?”44

“Yup.”45

“Ok, bye then.”46

“Bye.”47

Finishing the special for tomorrow, she remembered she would have to make the soups also for the next two days. Shaking her head she decided to do the soups first before she started on the other special. Getting her ingredients together for soups, she started chopping vegetables as she heated a kettle of cream and another of broth. Or in other words, one healthy one and one not. Within an hour she had the soups pulled together enough to let them simmer, and started on the special. 48

Three hours later she was cleaned up and done with the next couple days of cooking. She went out front, after putting on a clean apron, and helped out front by making food and drinks. She helped start the closing tasks, but left an hour before the closing hour. 49

Arriving home, she noticed she had about seven hours to sleep before she had to get up to pick up her brother. Quickly showering, she brushed her teeth and got together the start of an over-night bag. Crawling in between the wonderful expensive sheets she had gotten dirt cheep on an extreme clearance sale, she set her alarm clock, curled up in a ball and fell asleep.50

She dreamt of Hell.51


She wore an old fashioned silk gown of deep burgundy and an antique set of diamonds in her ears and around her neck and wrist. On her feet were matching silk dancing slippers. She felt like a princess. But that seemed to be the only thing of beauty. The clouds were of an angry blood color, the land a desolate wasteland, and the scenery was littered with the dead, the dying, and the mutated. She cried for the headless children and the mutilated people who wandered the desolate plane. How could the innocents end up here? She thought to herself. 52

Feeling a presence behind her, she turned revealing a dark figure. Dark hair, black, bottomless eyes, and a black suit. He was handsome, in a frightening mythical way, but the chill that radiated off of him made that thought quickly disappear. 53

“Hello Anna,” He greeted her as he approached her and stood by her side. “I’m here to warn you.”54

“About what?” she managed to get out after several tries and a minute of stuttering.55

“Your impending death.”56

“What?” she said in disbelief.57

“Your death and future. You are going to be mine.” Smiling at her, he revealed pointed teeth of a carnivore.58

“I... I’m... This is not happening. I’m dreaming...” She stuttered.59

“Dream yes, but you will come soon.” He kissed her on the cheek and she felt herself falling. 60

Screaming, she came awake to the ugly sound of her alarm clock. Shaking, she turned if off. Getting up, she walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. Carefully getting in, she leaned forward with her hands on either side of the shower head and allowed the spray to massage her neck. Calling up her relaxation techniques, she slowly felt herself unwind enough to wash up. 61

Getting dressed, she got the rest of her stuff together and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. Locking the door, she made her way to her car. Putting on some good music, she headed towards her brother’s college to pick him up. 62

About ten minutes later, she managed to drag him out of bed, grab some clothes for him and led him to her car. Cursing him for being such a lazy bastard, she made sure he was buckled before she headed for the highway and home. 63


After a good three hour drive, she pulled into the driveway. Poking James awake, she got out and grabbed her overnight bag and her purse. “Come on James,” Anna scolded. “We’re home.” Turning from the car, she made her way up the sidewalk and rung the doorbell. Hearing it echo in the house and then a patter of slow footsteps the door opened to reveal her mother. 64

“Hi mom,” Anna greeted as she hugged the older woman. “Come on James!” she yelled to her brother. Finally seeing him move, she walked past her mom and into the entryway. 65

“Honey, why don’t you go put your things in your room and then we can tell you the news,” her mom said before going out the door to prod James.66

Doing what her mother instructed she entered her old room. A flood of memories assaulted her as she passed through the doorway. Shaking them off quickly, she tossed her bag and purse on the bed and went back out to the kitchen. Finding her dad seated at the island eating his lunch, she went up to him and wrapped her arm around his shoulders.67

“Hey,” she said.68

“Hi. Help yourself to some lunch.” Smiling at her father’s distracted nature, she made herself a sandwich and sat down to eat it before her brother and mom came in. 69

“John, can you turn off the TV so I can tell them the news.”70

“Let’s have lunch before we tell them, Deborah.” Her father said as he munched away at his sandwich. Anna smiled at her mother’s displeasure at her father’s remark. She knew that he would probably catch hell later from her mother, but mom must have decided that James needed some substance for she quickly whipped together a sandwich for him and herself. 71

Sitting down as a family, they had a peaceful lunch with the TV. It had been quite some time since they had all been together, few months ago in fact, ever since James had started college they just didn’t have time to get together except at holidays and birthdays. 72

Helping her mother clean up, Anna tried to get hints on what the news was. But her mother was being tight lipped about it and changed the subject to family news. Suffering through the litany she really didn’t wish to hear, such as which of her cousins was getting married and who had just had a baby, she let her mind wander to Chris. Quickly shaking herself from her wayward thoughts when her mother addressed her with a question. 73


“What was that mom?”74

“I asked you if you were going to Jessica’s wedding next month,” her mother repeated.75

“Um... probably not. I received an invitation, but you know how I hate weddings. All the bragging about their wonderful boyfriend, husband, kids, and so on is really not my cup of tea. It makes me sick.”76

“Anna, you’re twenty-three. Grow up. God knows I hate the boasting, but you got to learn to deal with it.” Her mother chided as she hung up the towel and made her way to the living room where James and John were. 77

“I do deal with it. I don’t go.” Anna defended as she plopped down in a worn, but comfortable armchair. Smiling at the tipped headed glare her mom was famous for, she stretched her arms above her head and stretched.78

“So, what’s the news,” James asked as he put his feet up on the coffee table.79

“Deb, you tell them,” their father said as he yawned and reached for his glass of lemonade he had leftover from lunch. 80

“Fine. We’ve decided that we are going to move to Wyoming. We are going to keep the house, but we decided that it would be a good idea to rent it out while we were gone,” their mother quickly stated as she sat next to her husband. 81

“Well, that’s no shock,” James bluntly stated. “You two have been talking about it for years.”82

“Yeah,” Anna agreed. “How long do you think you’re going to be out there?”83

“We haven’t decided yet. We thought that we would try it for a year and then go from there,” Their father said.84

“Huh,” Anna said as she shifted in her chair. “So are you making us responsible for the upkeep and whatnot of the house?”85

“Um... now that you mention it, probably just you. James is in college and has less time than you and plus he doesn’t have a car. Oh, and do you mind that he lives with you during the summer? He can’t live in the dorms year round, you know,” John said.86


“Oh, I guess that’s the only option unless he shacks up with one of his friends or something,” Anna replied.87

They discussed several of the issues that had to be done before they could move, finally a few hours later Anna and her mother went to prepare supper. They contentedly worked together as they discussed Anna’s business. Her parents were proud of Anna’s accomplishments, and always had told her so. They had actually helped her in the beginning, using their connections and experiences to help her get situated. For this she would always be grateful for, even though her parents had not been able to help financially. They had enough worries enough without her’s. 88

After supper, Anna declared her exhaustion. She took a shower and crawled in bed. This time she dreamt of Chris.89

Anna peered at him from across the table. She watched him munch happily at his sandwich as he talked excitably about his and Jack’s store. They had been open for about a year now, and from what she heard business was booming. Slightly jealous at their accomplishments and bothered about something else that was on her mind, she picked at her tuna sandwich. Feeling herself getting distracted, she murmured a correct response as she glanced around the restaurant. Noticing a large number of couples at this little family owned place, she continued on to the scenery. 90

Finding herself reflected in the dark window just left of them, she stared at her reflection for a second. Taking in the whole reflection of them and their table, she noticed they would make an attractive couple. Yeah, if I can get the courage to tell him I want to be more than just friends, she thought to herself as she focused back on Chris. Noticing he had stopped talking to her, she saw he was now talking with the waitress. Feeling a bit a jealousy towards the woman who was flirting with him as she cleared their plates and offered desert. She pretty much ignored Anna as she quickly told her she would box up her meal for her. Giving the woman a weak and sickly smile, Anna looked back at the window. 91

So many people told her she should just tell him already, and a few had told her to give up but she didn’t know what to do. Finding herself in a rotten mood, she wondered how that had happened. She always enjoyed her time with Chris. She got barely little of it, but he had always somehow made her feel good about herself. Finding herself starting to panic, she dug in her purse. Pulling out her wallet, she pulled out enough money to cover her part of the check and a reasonable tip, she grabbed Chris’s hand. Placing the money in his palm, she rose with her purse and quickly made for the exit. Digging again, she pulled out her lighter and cigarettes. Quickly lighting one, she inhaled deeply.

“What am I going to do,” she muttered, “I should just get the bloody courage and do it!” Pacing back and forth she pulled deep drags, quickly getting a buzz. Feeling a bit faint she sat down on the stoop of the restaurant’s neighbors. Flicking the cigarette into the street, she lit another. Hearing the door of the restaurant open, she heard footsteps approach her. 92

“Anna, are you alright?” Looking up she saw Chris looking down at her with concern. Flicking off ash, she offered him a cigarette. Taking one, he lit it and repeated his question.93

“I don’t know. I have a problem and I don’t know how to go about it...” Mentally cursing herself for revealing that much, she looked past him and down the street. Trying to come up with a way to tell him without sounding dumb or ruining their friendship, she gave up.94

“I...” she began. Not being able to finish, she dug for her keys so they could go. Hearing a noise from Chris she looked up. He handed her some money and the box with her food. “What’s this?” She indicated towards the money.95

“Your money.”96

“I know, but it was for my meal and tip.”97

“I got it. You drove,” he turned away so she couldn’t hand it back. Cursing him under her breath, she put it in her purse and put out her cigarette. Looking up, she waited for him to finish. Smiling at her, he shook his head. Using his mischievous cocky little grin of his, he continued to smoke. 98

“That waitress had the hots for you,” Anna threw out, as she looked around them.99

“No she doesn’t, she’s married.”100

“Hey, a girl can look,” Anna replied as she played with her keys. Laughing at her and smiling that cocky grin she was really starting to hate, he flicked the cigarette into the street.101

“Let’s walk a bit. Is that ok?” Chris said as he reached for her hand to help her up. When she rose, he didn’t let go of her hand. Smiling at this new development, Anna tightened her hold on his hand as they walked down the street. Passing several darkened shops, they came upon a coffee house. The tag on the door declared it to be open twenty-four hours. Letting go of her hand, he opened the door for her and allowed her to proceed him inside. Going up to the counter, they studied the menu.

A younger man, about twenty or so, asked them what they would like. Anna, no longer focused on what she would like to drink, focused on the Barista. He had gauged both of his ears, which were framed by his blond spiked hair. Tattoos were slightly revealed by partially rolled up sleeves of a black button shirt. A black apron with the coffee house’s logo completed the ensemble. 102

Anna smiled at him and told him her order. “Large iced mocha, please. Chris...?” Turning to him, she noticed he still studied the board. “You would like that,” she said as she pointed to the weekly special. “I had it last time I was here, and I loved it.” 103

“Ok, that sounds good,” he replied as he reached for his wallet.104

“No, it’s on me,” giving him a sassy smile she stepped in front of him, up to the counter and handed the cashier, a mousey girl who needed a good dose of makeup, her debit card. Turning she looked at Chris. He seemed a bit displeased at her move, but they often argued over who was paying. It was a little game they tended to play that Anna enjoyed. She thought Chris might get a kick out of it too, but she wasn’t sure. 105

After receiving their drinks, they sat across from each other in a secluded booth. Setting her food next to her purse, so she wouldn’t forget it, Anna rested her elbows on the table. Wrapping her hands around her drink, she found Chris giving her The Look. It was the look she sometimes saw, but then doubted later that she had seen it. It was that look that made her feel like he liked her so much more than a friend. Deciding that now was the time to ask him about her feelings, she ducked her head, took a drink of her mocha for courage and reached for his hands. Lacing her finger through his, she looked in his eyes. 106

“I have something important to tell you,” she told him. Taking a deep breath for courage she waited for his acknowledgment. Feeling that she had his attention, she went on. “Lately, as in the last year or so, I’ve found my feelings change towards you,” seeing his eyes glaze in confusion, she hurried to get her whole confession out there. “I was wondering if you would like to try being more than just friends...”107

Silence. He stared at her and didn’t say anything. Calling herself all sorts of fool, she let go of his hands, grasped her mocha and took a deep drink. The chocolate was just not helping. She felt herself starting to panic. But before it could get out of control she felt her hands grasped.108

“Sure.”109


“What...?” Finding The Look back in his eyes, she felt a wave of extreme contentment go over her. Smiling, she breathed deep. “Really?”110

“Yeah, I want to try it. I wanted to tell you the same thing, but... you know me, I need prodding.”111

Laughing, she continued to grin like a fool. Hearing something in the distance, she felt herself wake up.112

“Anna! Anna, get up!” She heard knocking and yelling.113

“What?!” Getting up, she wrapped a robe around her nude body and opened the door.114

“You told me to wake you up so you could head back,” her mother said as walked down the hallway. 115

Anna shook her head at her mother and herself for deciding to leave so early, she got herself washed up, dressed, and packed. Putting her things in the car, she hugged her parents and brother goodbye.116

“You’re going to give James a ride back?” Anna asked her parents.117

“Yes, don’t worry about it. We’ll stop in and see you while we’re down there. If you don’t mind, we might also stay with you overnight,” her mother said as she gave her one last hug. 118

“Ok, love you,” Anna said to all of them. They replied with the same, before she got in her car and headed back. 119

The drive was uneventful, until she reached the outskirts of the city. She was switching lanes, when a SUV in the lane she was moving into, decided to speed up. The vehicle hit her from behind, sending her small car into a spin and into the median. She bounced back and was T-boned by a semi. She died instantly and thankfully felt no pain. 120

One Week Later:121


Chris hated funerals. Ones of older family members who died of natural causes were bad enough, but a young friend was the worst. He had gone to a funeral with Anna several years ago, for a mutual friend theirs, and somehow she had gotten them both through it. It had been so awful, and it had taken him months to come to terms with it. But this was worse. There was no Anna to help him through this one, for she was the main character in this time. 122

When he had been informed of her death, he had been shocked. He hadn’t believed it, in fact in took several times to get through to him. He had planned to see her the next day, he remembered forcibly telling the person who had informed him of the bad news. But he didn’t see her the next day, she instead had an appointment with the funeral director. 123

Stop it! He told himself as he fidgeted in his black suit. What had scared him the most though, was the dream he had had the night before she had died. 124

In the dream they had gone out to eat and then went for coffee. He had bought her supper, because she drove, and then she had bought them coffee down the street, because she felt she needed to. At the coffee shop they then agreed to try dating, after she had confessed her feelings.125

He had been extremely confused at this dream. He didn’t know why he had agreed to date her, he wasn’t sure he quite felt that way about her. But now, even if he had felt that way, he was now unable to do it. He had extreme regrets for not spending more time with her when he could. He knew it made her happy to do so, and now was feeling some remorse. 126

He had gone to the funeral with a bouquet of crimson roses. Her favorite. He was planning on wrapping them in her hands before she was sealed in the coffin and then lowered in the ground. He waited till after the funeral ceremony and the mourners had drifted past and out of the church, before approaching her. Finding himself the only one in the church, other than the funeral director and priest, Chris approached the casket from the last pew of the church. Loosening his tie with one hand and grasping the bouquet in the other, he knelt on the kneeler in front of her. 127

“Hi, Anna,” he whispered, smiling a weak smile as he looked down on her. She wore a gold dress. Remembering her telling him she had bought a dress of similar design and color several years ago for prom, but had never worn it because she had lost weight. She had also said that it was the most she had ever spent on any piece of clothing and that she had told herself that she would have it altered for her wedding. 128

Smiling at the memory, he stood up and leaned over her. Taking her cold hands, he adjusted them around the flowers. Straightening, he looked down at her. He noticed that the amount of makeup they had put on her didn’t quite cover up the fact that her face and body was severely bruised and riddled with scratches and gashes. It was artfully done, Anna would have been proud of the work, for she had been an extreme artist at heart.

Feeling extreme depression roll over him, he felt his eyes water. At first he thought it was from the incense that was burned to cover the smell of decay, but after a while he realized something. He would miss her. He knew that being friends with her, he would have some feelings for her, but these were stronger. It confused him. Feeling his body stiffen at this revelation of confusion, he stared blankly at her and tried to come to terms with it so he could straighten his feelings out. “Well, damn...” he said, not caring that he had cursed while being in a sacred building. He followed not religion, so to him it wasn’t a sin. Leaning over her one more time, he kissed her forehead. “I'll miss you,” he said. “Good bye...” 129

Feeling the tears let loose and slide down his cheeks, he took out his handkerchief and mopped up his face. He turned and started down the isle. Quickly exiting the church, he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out his cigarettes. Feeling like he was repeating history, he lit one. But this time, Anna wouldn’t come out minutes later, after delivering a card, to smoke with him and discuss their feelings on the atrocity done to someone so young. He felt abandoned, adrift, and extremely devoid of any feeling except sadness and slight rage. 130

Sitting on the steps, he lit another cigarette off the last one. “Ah... I’m becoming a chain smoker,” laughing crudely at himself he sat there until Anna was carried past him. 131

She shouldn’t be dead, he thought to himself. “And Jack should be here...” he muttered to himself, “Anna would have never forgiven him if she had been alive. I hope he’ll regret it later in life,” Chris said as he got up and headed for his car.
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