"Good sir, open in the name of the king"1
Zachariah feebly made his way over to the door. If he didn’t open the bloody thing the incessant banging would never cease.2
"In the name of the king I welcome you"3
"Sir, please take note of this scroll. You have been commanded by the king to produce a sword. As you see on the scroll this sword shall be your best work. It must be perfect. The young prince will partake in a dual two fortnights hence. The sword shall be presented to the kind on the eve of such dual." 4
The old man read over the scroll5
'Sirs, I implore you — If I am to make such a remarkable sword...one of such beauty and perfection, surely it will not be used for a dual? Maybe a knighting? "6
"You shall make this sword as it is the king’s will. It matters not what it will be used for."7
"I see, and what is the nature of this dual? "8
"Prince Rand has chosen a maiden to be his own. A young gentleman insists that he is betrothed to this maiden and has challenged the prince to this dual in her honor."9
So, I will make this sword to be the killer of love? the old man thought. He knew of no man who could beat the prince.10
"Please let the king know that it is my honor to serve him and to create this sword for him. I see it says that this is a matter of the utmost secrecy?"11
"You read correctly old man. No one must know of this sword. No one! This is a gift to be given to the prince the morn of the dual. The king stresses your cooperation in this matter."12
Or, off with my head, Zachariah said to himself.13
"Men, tell your king it will be done. Now, I must bid you farewell as it seems I have much work to do. Godspeed to you gentlemen."14
A cold chill ran over his body as Zachariah closed the heavy door. He knew he must make this sword yet he was filled with dread at the very thought of crafting it. He’d been commissioned by the king before to produce special swords; he was the best craftsman of swords. They’d always been presented as gifts to noblemen or used for knightings. Never had he been commissioned to create a sword that he knew was to only be used for death. Murder even. This thought whispered though it was only in Zachariah’s mind. He would be hanged for such thoughts, however true. Prince Rand was a master of the sword. There was no man near or far he could not beat. Zachariah’s heart wept for the young gentleman who’s death would come from his own craftsmanship.15
"Alas," Zachariah sighed. "It must be done."16
**17
"Pa-Pa, Pa-Pa! Open in the name of your son!", Lucan yelled.18
Zachariah covered his sketches of the sword quickly. Hobbling to the door he laughed, that boy would be at the end of a noose one day for mocking the king’s name.19
"Son? No, no son of mine would bellow in such a way", Zachariah called as he pulled open the door to see his son’s laughing face. 20
"I must bellow old one for you are feeble and soft of hearing", Lucan enveloped his father in a hug. "It is good to see you well this day father!"21
"Well I am lad, well I am. You are fairing well this bright morning I see?"22
"Well indeed", Lucan grinned.23
"Ahhh, and what of the beautiful Jessamine. Surely this smile you wear is naught for only me?"24
"You are a wise old man. Jessamine has brought this smile to my face. I do not fear to say that I even wear it as I sleep."25
"Paaah, you are a silly lad. Letting a maiden affect you so."26
"A maiden? Pa-Pa, Jessamine is not only a maiden. She is the maiden. She is the mold through which all other maidens should be formed. Why I’m sure that the Lord Himself held her in his palm and was amazed by his own creation!"27
"Lucan you are mad!"28
"Mad I am father! Mad I am! Mad for the beautiful maiden Jessamine. Pa-Pa I shall wed her, wed her I say"29
"My son! Have you discussed this matter with Jessamine?"30
"Surely I have old one. As much as I love dear Jessamine, I fear she loves me even more. I see no lighted way in this world without her."31
"Then I pray you shall be happy together for always. Good spirits surround you boy. Now be off with you. This old man must work. You would do well to do some work yourself today. If you’d done your apprenticeship you could be helping me."32
"Work I will father though not with the steel. I shall call on you anon."33
"Work! Bah! Say hello to Jessamine for me whilst you work."34
"You are a funny old man! Farewell Papa."35
Author notes
The title to this may change. This is only the first chapter or two. Note: This is completely unedited and unrevised!! You have been warned! I would like feedback on if it captures you and not necessarily technical critiques at this time.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
ugh, I can see where this is going. a tragedy in the making
ironic, as I enjoy writing myself.
since you set the contest ahead by two days, I can't hold off reading your stuff! and you don't want a crtical so I'll restrain myself lol
it has great possibilities, as all stories do at the beginning. I don't know what else to say about it as there isn't much of it yet.
let me know if you'd like a critique. I see some ways to spice this up (fantasy is my prefered genre) and maybe another twist to the story you can use. -
Another wonderful tale! I see where this is going and I love it.
Again this diction was perfect, I do hate reading short stories set in the past or another world with todays words written in it. It takes away the flow. But this is perfect.
I love the relationship of Zachariah and his son. It seems to be a very special one. Lucan I fear has already begun to win my heart with his beautiful words about Jessamine!
Do hurry up and update!
Love and Sparkles
-Breathoflilies -
I see you're getting into the story writing and doing great I might add. This was very entertaining. Good job. Have fun. Steve
-
UUUUGHHHH...You gazzumped me twice now!!!! What a following you have my dear, and you can count me into the throng, throng, throng, throng, throoooong...lol...grins...loving this! This is right up my tin pan alley! HUGS!!! Darianna x
-
This is sooo excellent! I loveed it right from the title, and the title caught my attention right away too because my son's name is Zachariah. I will definately be looking for some more! Great write. /TP/
-
I definately enjoyed this "poem" it has a very good sense of imagery and it appeals to the imagination at the same time. I also think we can all see where this is going with the son and the dueland it sounds like a very good story to me I have nothing but high regards for it. I think one thing that it could use is a little more history on the characters.
-B Wigglin -
Yes, same goes for this one. Indeed, it did draw me in and I want to know more. I would like to see if I am correct in my thinking on parts of this. I hope you add more soon. I am very intrigued by this. You write very well. I know you don't necessarily want any technical critiques on this, but there is one word in it that did bother me. The word "dual". The word you want for this is "duel". Sorry to be picky.
~Tawnya~
Edited on Feb 20, 1:39 because 'Blehh.'.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
