She’d done a bad thing. Not just a bad as in, oh it’s no big deal, this was a BAD, BAD thing she’d done. The moaning and groaning had ended a mere thirty minutes ago and he was due home any minute. She was trying everything she could to get things cleaned up so that he wouldn’t know a strange man had been here earlier. Well not such a strange man, after all, he had been his best friend way back when and had only just began getting reacquainted with the couple a few mere weeks ago. 1
So why had she jumped in the saddle with his best friend? Why had she slept with the man that had attended their wedding? She still didn’t know. Her best explanation? It had just happened that way. Now what kind of story was that to be telling her husband? “Oh I’m sorry baby but your best friend came over to talk to you and as soon as he walked through the door, he jumped my bones and I let him and we had sex for hours on end while you were away. Forgive me?” No…she didn’t quite think that would work.2
She hurriedly lit quite a few candles so that no suspicious smell of cologne could be detected and then she went and took a long cold shower to make herself feel, clean, again. Afterwards she started working on dinner quickly, hoping to make the feelings of guilt go away. 3
She had just sat the dinner on the table in fact when she heard the lock clicking in the door and her heart pounded as she looked towards the bedroom, their room, THEIR bed…where she’d just had sex with another man.4
“Hey baby I’m back!” Jeremy called out as he stepped through the door, and Ashlyn panicked as she looked at the love of her life, her husband, her whole world…waiting for hell to swallow her up for the bad, bad thing she‘d done.
5
Author notes
I took one of my characters from a collection of stories that my friend and I created and I basically made her go totally out of character and cheat on her husband, whom originally she loves dearly. I don't know, maybe I wanted to see what her bad side would unleash...again, that's a VERY bad thing. LOL.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like this, especially with the explaination you gave. I think I'm going to have to check out the other stories just for backgrounding. If you're wanting this to stand on it's own it would need more details. Why had he come over? She was obviously attracted to him for her to sleep with him but what let her do it? Was it just sex at the time? Interesting idea for a story. I hope you expand on this.
But wouldn't the husband know something was up if he came in her hair was wet and things weren't happening the way they usually do?
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interesting, you left an intersting cliffhanger. I relly want to know what's going to happen next. you also open it with a slightly humorus tone, wich I feel helps add impact.
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Awesome, i like the way you left the ending to the readers interpretation.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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First, please change the background or the font, so it can be read without highlighting it. This is a nice start. I think more action and less what is in her head the whole time. If you want to read a great old story about an affair try The Storm by Faulkner I think. It does that same thing but with less thought. If we already know your character, we know this is out of line with her normal actions. Be more subtle, let the bed thought (THEIR bed) happen later, on the way to bed perhaps. Give me all you have said but dole it out to me more slowly. Add some action, how does she act when Jeremey comes home, wants to make love. Does he think it is strange that she just got out of the shower.
Don't take this wrong that I wrote so much. I think this is a good write and if it were with the rest of your story I would like it even more. Just some ideas to think about, take them all or take none. Its your story.beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 6, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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very bad thing indeed. Shame on her for doing poor Jeremy that way. Perhaps he will have to get even *evil grin* yeah we'll have to see about that one. Good write though. Keep up the good work and keep those ideas coming.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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