"Don't shed a tear for me, I stand alone. This path of destiny is all my own. Once in the hands of fate, there is no choice. An echo on the wind, you'll hear my voice..."
He moved slowly through half-empty rooms and gazed at dust filled spaces where things stood for so many years, as he listened to the harsh words and forceful melody in his mind. The lazy autumn sunlight drifted through tattered curtains, dust motes sparkled in the air, the only witness to the desolation of leaving behind his past. A past filled with loneliness and pain. For many years he roamed these same rooms, sometimes running in fear of his own making, and sometimes in anger at those who caused the fear. For so long the memories of what happened in each room tore through him, leaving his mind open to the images of days long past. The forlorn creaking of dried wood accompanied him as he stepped around boxes packed high with his childhood. Everywhere he looked he could see himself at various ages, working hard to make these rooms beautiful. Ghosts from the past rose infront of him. Each room was filled with images of himself changing them. Perhaps trying to hide the anguish he felt here so many times. But today would be the last suffering - today he would say goodbye to this life.1
"Some choose to fall behind. Some choose to lead. Some choose a golden path laden with greed. But it's the noble heart that makes you strong. And in that heart, I'm with you all along..."2
He left this house years before, trying to escape himself. He traveled far and saw much, but he always returned. Like a parasite that kills its host while nourishing, this place kept him alive and sane for so long, yet also destroyed his humanity in the process. He'd been gone for so long that nobody would recognize him. His smiles were gone, replaced by a cold stare. The wall he built around himself to protect against pain had been tempered by the madness of the world outside. Nobody could break through it, or so he thought. Even in his own suffering, he always did the right thing. He never called for help - he always believed that he could fend for himself, even when events threatened to overcome him. Each day a voice told him to be cruel to survive, and he believed it. The voice was his own, and yet not his. But things weren't always as they seemed, and one desperate day he called out for help to escape from that voice.3
"So when you think of me, do so with pride. Honor and bravery, ruled by my side. And in your memory, I will remain, I will forever be within the flame..."4
They came to his aid - strangers rescuing a stranger. They welcomed him into their home with love and open arms he never knew. Yet he felt outside of reality. He saw the world through tortured eyes, and knew nothing of joy. He could not understand how they survived, for they too had suffered in life. At first he tried to remain uncaring, hoping to survive this onslaught of strange emotions and thoughts. The voice in his head yelled at him to take flight, to escape. It cried for the familiar darkness it once knew. And he began to ignore the voice. The wall around him fell. Faced with such powerful love and compassion, no man could stay inhuman forever. And he welcomed the change, for with it came someone he felt emotions for. Someone that, for the first time, he cared for more than for his own survival. She changed him, perhaps more than any other.5
"Now at the journey's end, we've traveled far. And all we have to show, are battlescars. But in the love we shared, we will transend. And in that love, our journey never ends..."
He approached the door as the music became gentler, yet remained powerful. He looked at the ghosts around him, and although he knew they were a part of him, they were not him. Two sides of the coin came together to make him who and what he was. He was stronger as a result of the abuse he endured - more caring, because those he never knew cared for him. More loving, because he treasured what he found without knowing that he was searching for it. The voice spoke up for one last time as he prepared to open the door. It told him that this was it, the end of it all, and it bade him goodbye. He listened without paying much attention, knowing well that the voice would always be with him, but knowing even better that he would never again be a slave to it.6
He opened the door and smilingly stepped into the bright sunlight.7
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Author notes
This was an experiment in character building. The idea was to write a story without really writing a story, just building a character. Hope I got it right ;) - Lyrics from "Olde Village Lantern" by Blackmore's Night
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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A good start
I thought the character was built up towards the end, but not very thoroughly throughout. It was a bit confusing to start with and took me a few tries to read without skipping over parts (bad habit sorry) but I did enjoy reading it afterwards. The character could do with a bit more background information and description of why his emotions have changed so much. It may also benefit from more full descriptions of what his thoughts are to help build up the readers image of the character.. Rewarded 4
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indeed it could yes.
But like I stated, this was only a little test to do something with character building. Hopefully later I'll combine it into a story with more 'flesh'
Thanks for commenting
Take care!
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Confused
I am afraid that I found this confusing. I found it a little difficult to read in the beginning. After that it was pretty well written, but I never caught on to what was going on. I can accept that you were trying to build his character, but I didn't really feel that I got to know him. There was a voice speaking to him, but I didn't know what it was about.. Rewarded 4
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Ok that explains it
I feel like i still don't know your character, perhaps his circumstances that make him who he is at that present time. i do think that you did a fantastic job describing his emotions and you can see the inner turmoil and frustrations just pouring out of the developing character, If you end up expanding and creating a full story, let me know, i'd love to read it. all in all, good write.. Rewarded 4
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Great "strory"
you did get me to know the Character a bit beter but still i dont realy know him. but I do think that you where succesfull in the character building without giving away the story. This is a Great appetizer for a story -
Very well writtenm
It tells a lot about one person without letting anything be known about the situations he endured...very well written. I love the way you captured the emotions this man is feeling. All the emotions is so true and human.
I believe it must be sin to be able to write the way you do...you truely have remarkable talent.. Rewarded 4
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thank you W1ldCh1ld
I only try my best. Glad you enjoyed the story!
~P
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Very, very well done.
Although I could perhaps be accused of being biased towards your stories, and also the lyrics you choose to use, I do think you've done an excellent job of this, once again. Your character comes across as very sincere and believable - he is absolutely human!
As always I love the combination of lyrics and story, it is so open to each individual's interpretation - someone else could very well write a completely different and opposite story about the same lyrics...
The feeling of this story is very emotional and intense, and in the end I found myself letting out a relieved breath - your character found the happiness he deserved.
I would say you have succeeded very well in building your character as you set out to do - one can't help but feel for him! -
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thank you Lacyte
Yeah you're always first on commenting... are you stalking me? hehehe
Well go ahead and try it, take the lyrics and write something else! Should be fun
Take care!
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HHHmmmmm... I may just take you up on that challenge within the next day or two.... could be an interesting experiment again...
See ya soon!
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