"What does this do?" Ricky asked as he pushed the door open into the burnout car. He gasped. The inside of the car looked brand new! It was just like a clubhouse! There were buttons everywhere! He pushed a blue one, and a strange-looking metal box appeared on his lap. He decided not look at it yet though. He set it on the seat beside him and pressed a yellow button. A few pieces of paper appeared. He put them with the box and pressed a green button. Once again, he gasped. There in front of him was a genie.
"Well, well, who do we have here?" the genie asked.
"I-I’m Ricky," he stammered.
"Oh, well Ricky, welcome to my secret clubhouse!" he looked at the seat beside Ricky, "Do you know what these items are?"
"No, sir" Ricky answered.
"That there’s a time machine," he pointed at the metal box, "And those are instructions."
"Instructions for what?"
"For how to keep the clubhouse, of course. Where to find the deeds, how to use the time machine, what the buttons do, how to drive this baby, everything!"
"How to drive this baby? This is nothing but an ugly, old car!" Ricky thought.
"You can drive this?" he asked politely.
"Of course!" the genie exclaimed, "It was painted silver. When you pressed the blue button, the car was painted. It is a beauty! You have a lot of questions...You should read the instructions. They’ll give you the answers," Ricky reached for the papers, "But first," Ricky stopped. "I grant you five wishes." Ricky thought hard. He grinned.
"I wish I, (besides you) would be the only one to know about this place unless I show it to someone else." The genie nodded.
"Second, I wish you and I could be best friends...I really like you." Tears came into his eyes.
"I never thought anyone would wish for that. If we’re gonna be best friends, I’d better tell you. My name’s Ron." Ricky smiled.
"Finally, do you wanna be free?" Ron’s head bobbed. His smile disappeared.
"Last thing is, I wish you were free. You can have the last two wishes."
Ron suddenly turned into a handsome young boy Ricky’s age.
"Let’s meet here every day. I have an idea...Oh, and thanks, thank you very much."
1
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Comments
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Is this a starting idea? I thought it was orignal, the idea of a car as a timemachine and a genie that doesn't use trickery. I think you could go on and write a interesting childrens book.
I think that you need to go more into why Ricky doesn't seem to have any friends before you hit us with the line "Ricky finally had a friend...a trustworthy friend."
But I did enjoy this piece and hope you expand on it.
I'm not going to rate the ending because it hasn't ended and I'm not sure what the plot would be yet...up in the air.beginning: 4, language: 5, overall: 6, dialog: 5, characters: 2.

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