To You (You know who you are)

I keep ripping up papers because I don't know what to write. I cant think anymore. You did it. You finally destroyed me. I should hate you right now but the ironic part is I love you more than words can ever say. You make me trail from one subject to the next and it makes me go crazy. So insane. But you think you are innocent. You think that there will always be a chance with us and that no one will get hurt. You think I'm going to wait forever when I'm already so fucking impatient and its only been two years. You look at the bloody head on the mantle in my living room and you become intimidated and hate me and never come to see me anymore because of how savage I am. And she isn't. And you can go be together but don't come running back when she breaks your heart the way you broke mine. My only real interest is loving you even though you make me hate you. I'm sitting here drinking pineapple and coconut juice that tastes like shit because its supposed to be "healthy" and make me like one of those fucking beautiful celebrities. I'll never be good enough but I guess I can die trying. Here with only this very book, a red pen and my glasses. Envy and hatred and passion in my eyes. Wondering why you haven't called. Waiting for your call. Waiting for MY CALL so I can get out of this piece of shit hell hole world. Just call me already! God, call me! I'll serve well with you. I'm too scared to be here. Not good enough to be here. I have committed too many sins. I'm afraid that you'll be like everyone else. I'm afraid you wont love me. Do you love me? I know I'm a fool. I know my life is very ridiculous and will be laughed at in many years when people look back on this humanity that can easily turn into savagery. Please help them... for they know not what they do. Please help me.1