The death of Kirsty

April 9th 2006 1

"Frank!" Shandi bellowed, shaking him out of his thoughts.
"Yes?" He whimpered pathetically.
"What do you think then, peach or blue?"
He went back into dream land. He had been advoiding the subject ever since she'd mentioned decorating. He didn't want to change a thing about the house. He despised change.2

Shandi studied Frank unsurely. He didn't treat her right, she knew that. But she loved him so much! But the truth was so clear, even Shandi, the 22 year old, so wrapped up in happy endings, and dreams, could see that the man on the other side of the table, was no longer hers.

August 24th 2004

It was a boiling hot day, in Florida, and a young couple were at the beach. A young boy was showing of to his grandparents, who were sat about 10 feet away. A young woman is looking for shells.
 A big wave comes, and as the boy chokes on water, his family laugh, pleased he got a taste of his own medicien. A guy on the beach hears a distant scream, turns around, his eyes filled with terror.
His girlfriend, who'd been trying to make him a shell necklace, had dissappeared into the water. Without bothering to think, he dived in. As he saw her body float away, all he could cry uncontrollebly. "She can't swim." he whispered. "SHE CAN'T SWIM!" He yelled at the top of his voice. "KIRSTY! KIRSTY!".He turned around sadly. The beach had been abandoned. How long he'd spent crying, he did not know. So he slowly walked back home, drenched.

April 9th 2006

"Frank, we need to talk." Shandi whispered. "I don't feel you apriciate me... well, not as much as you should. We're engaged, and you never talk to me anymore!"
"Sorry, I'm sorry kirsty."
"I'm SHANDI!"
"Sorry. Shandi, please,please stay. I'm so lonley!"

August 25th2004

In the next two years, I'll find a woman, and - and she'll be like kirsty! Yeah, yeah, and I'll have kirsty back! Yeah, It's a good idea, huh! I'm not crazy! The doctor was wrong about me! I will succeed, I have to...

August 23th 2004

Tommorrow I'm gonna do it. I have too, Frank's gone crazy! He's so protective, and the other day, I caught him with this book, it had pictures of me it it... And writing, about my life, and my friends. He's really starting to scare me.3

Author notes

"such a haunting vision he forgets his partner's fall jump into the san francisco bay i'll follow you in i know you can't swim when you've been dead 100 years, carlotta Carlotta Valdez, i will make you her." -- harvey danger

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Comments


  • rindomai
    April 4, 2006

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    i like the back and forth approach in time to develop the story. i think the only thing that's kinda off is that the characterization could use some more development. the only reason i say that is because the whole time i just thought he was depressed and yet you made him out to be this obsessive, posessive crazy guy at the end... which seemed not at all like the character that had been developing so far. but other than that, not bad

    if you could, please post the lyrics in your author's comments thanks!

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, overall: 6, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 2.