Feeding Tube

1

She wasnt smiling now, her hair slack around her face, sweat dripping slowly down her cheeks. She rested her head against a crooked arm, her tired body supported by her porcilian
destruction.

'Chrissy what are you doing?'2

That inner voice began to chide, gently tugging at her conscience, guilt slowly starting to trickle in. 3

'Chrissy your killing yourself like this, is it really worth it?'

"Yes." She hissed stubornly, "YES." How dous the world expect me to live if i cant stand myself? God she hated it, hated being such a pig that she had to do this, HAD to vomit her soul away just so she could stumach to look at her damn face. 4

And you think that throwing up after every meal isnt bad enough? Try slicing your skin till its nothing but slits of bleeding flesh, dotted here and there with stripes of white skin. Try drinking yourself into a coma, overdosing just so you can go to sleep at night. 5

And if the physical damage isnt enough, try taking on the emotional issues out lil Dolly has. Try dealing with the insults she flings at herself every second of the day, the stupid self pitying self loathing monster that loves to tourture this pathetic dolly. Oh but she loves it. She loves being able to handle every insult hurled her way by other people, shes happy she dousnt start crying every time someone makes fun of her. Because she knows its true.. so it dousnt bother her anymore. A mistake? A whore? A slut? A bitch? Worthless? 6

"Why yes, yes i am." 7

She'll respond, her smiles stretching wider across her painted on face.8

Its not an addiction, no, she dousnt NEED to do it, she can controll it. She just dousnt want to, scared to stop. She needs to be skinny, needs to look good, NEEDS TO MAKE HIM PROUD, LIVE UP TO ALL HER FRIENDS EXPECTATIONS. She wants to be perfect.. no fuck that, SHE NEEDS TO BE PERFECT.9

"But your perfect to me.." The echo of her love richocheyed off memories.10

But shes not with you anymore is she? She had stopped this self destruction when she was with you.. but shes not anymore is she? Nope. So fuck everything you want.

'Yea thats smart Chrissy, kill yourself before you get to see him, then you wont be able to talk to him, love him AT ALL. Smart one Chrissy... really.'11

She stuck her finger down her throat again, making sure that every last bit of that sinful substance was out of her system before she stood up. She looked in the mirror, staring at her flushed face, lips wet with slime, hair matted to her head. Ugly. 12

"Why yes, yes i am." She whispered.13