Meeting Richard - a mere snippet 1
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She had to admit to herself she’d come to be a bit curious after catching occasional glimpses of him as he’d passed her window – a glance of him by the fence, the hint of him in the garden, just his shadowed suggestion disappearing behind a door. None of these pieces though had prepared her for this unexpected face to face meeting. 3
In a single flash she found much to admire - his upright stature, the taut smoothness of his skin, the jaunty angle of his cap allowing her to see but one twinkling eye. His proud profile neither bragged nor apologized. It stood like a stalwart tree awaiting the light perch of a bird, neither calling nor chasing, yet reassuringly and invitingly there. 4
“Handsome,” she thought as his strange new scent, blending of comfort and desire, left her speechless and staring long after he’d tipped his hat and disappeared into the night. 5
Handsome. She mouthed the word, silently picturing his relaxed blend of assurance and pride. 6
She purred the word, this time allowing her lips to gently hold onto the m’s satisfying vibration until she again fell silent and breathless. 7
Author notes
This carries more than a bit of humor - if you read between the lines.
Comments
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I see what you are trying to do (I think) BUT¡! ‘had to admit’ comes perilously close to cliché (if not smack dab up to its arm pits in it) I don’t know if it suits the plot (I’ll go read part two in a mo.) but often the way to talk about what hasn’t been seen yet, is the good old trusted flashback – could she be remembering how he appeared for the first time¿? …Okay I’ll go read two… Oh and other than the awkwardness/cliché it seemed ‘interesting’ – I would defiantly read on from this point; which is the object – no¿?
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Definitely a romance brewing I think.
I like your word choice, a key flaw with many writers here. You show an ability to understand words importance in fiction.
The beginning however, seems odd. She's catching all these glimpses in a manner which seems confusing, especially the "hint of him in the garden." These seem to be phrases more intune with a mystery than a romance. I think unless you intend this to be a type of ghost tale, more concrete examples need to be shown. More like the window reference. I like the idea of this style of recognition, just not the examples you've chosen.
Having said all of this, I did like your style, and as I said, you seem to understand how to write well. -
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Yemassee
Thank you for your perspective. I do want to suggest that before now she hadn't really bothered to see him as if he never mattered enough to consider.
So the question you bring to my mind is - how can one describe what hasn't yet been seen?
hmmm.... I'll ponder that.
Thank you.
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