Hi my name is mike and i would like to tell my story!i have been threw alot of stuff like being abused and stuff. My real mom left me and she has not talked to me in seven years.i have one thing in my life that keeps me giong and that is my dad!!he has gave me alot of things.he has taking care of me from when i was a baby. he the one that loves me and does things for me!!this is why im here now.so always remember that you have someone out there for you!!!!!1
Please tell me what you think
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Good point
I think that this story had a ver good point. There should be someone out there for everyone, but i do have to wonder why your mom left although that is not my buisness to muck around in. I am happy for you that your dad took care of you. Although I can't belive that you have been abused from the way you said that your dad was towards you. If you ever need some help or want to vent to someone I am here for you. I would go out and find my mom (if i was you) and have a one-on-one talk with her to find out the details and then explain to her things that you have learned and then take the rest out with her then have her and your dad make up and the back to a nice happy family and i hope that the mom will act more like mom than some runaway -
threw / through in first part. Its actually sort of inspiring in a way. Proves that no matter where you are from ...there is always something brighter out there somewhere
Great job!
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Hi Mike! Thanks for that! You're totally right. I'm close with my dad too
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I'm glad to hear you and you're dad are so close. Thanks for sharing this and letting the world know there are still good parents around.
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I'm glad you've got your dad and are out of that terrible situation. I can only hope that all who need to hear your message hear it.
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Glad to hear it. Thank you very much for such a beautiful and hopeful message. I hope you continue in such a way, and know always there is love in the world. I know many people who have suffered abuse and I hope very much that they feel the same. I am very glad you pulled through and have people who care. All the best wishes, luck, and hope for your future, and continue with such positiveness. Thank you for such a piece!
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This was simple & sweet yet jam packed with emotional value. I feel for you sunshine- I really do- to have your father though is a blessing I am sure you cherish.. you made me smile ^.^ thank you for sharing this !!!
BlAIR *blair* -
hmm.. wow, well , you ought to be happy you have a one parent who is so loving and caring.. how about having two that yell at you all day or just plain dont give a shit. makes me think whats better.. anyway , thanks for sharing your feelings. tc
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I am glad that you have your father... but no not everyone has a father like yours. Sometimes its a mother, aunt, or brother. Sometimes its no one but themselves. However, in your case it is good that you have a wonderful father. I wish you both luck!
trekkergirl -
Wow. Interesting, sad and thought-provoking. A lot said here with very few words, and not a great deal of detail, which somehow made the message being delivered forceful and strong. Nice writing, remember your grammar and punctuation and stuff. In a longer piece it might have annoyed me but because this is short it didn't really bother me. I am glad you have your dad, and this sends a hopeful message to everyone. You are not alone. Such good words to hear. I hope things continue to be good for you, and thank you for such a cheerful and warming piece. Very well written and nicely delivered!
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Aww, this is sad. I forgot I read this earlier, but it's very powerful. Even though it's simply put.
-HT -
True.. true... I feel sorry that you have had to experience all this pain but am glad that you have made it through it... even though i dont know you there is no one i would wish to be abused or such....
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Wish you were here.
Wish you had stayed around to write more. You would have had alot to tell us. You would be a year or two older now and wiser. -
I think you've made this short and to the point. I'm sorry for your mom but I'm glad you've realized that your dad will always be there for you. I believe there always is at least one person who will move the earth for you, we just have to realize who it is. Good Work! This gives inspiration, hope and is also simply sad. I would advice you to turn this in a short story.
~Arooj~
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It's good that you have someone that cares about you ^_^
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Now,
Thats great. I've heard of a couple of people that both parents left OR one left and they hate the other./ So thats great you love your dad (i hope) I hope to get to know you
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Its always good to know that someone is truly on your side.
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from the sound of things, you can make a great inspirational story out of your life...
It's nice to know that there's always someone on your side ^-^ -
That's good that you have your father there for you.
The person who's always there for me would be my mother. She's all I have - my father was a one-night stand but my mom kept me anyway. I'm lucky to have her, just like you're lucky to have your dad.
erica
xoxo
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that's great that you have such family support from your dad. It's sad that you've been through so much, but at least you have someone who loves you.
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It's always good to have someone dear to you, isn't it?
It's such a good feeling to know that someone cares, especially when you think things are going horribly wrong. People are always there, even when you don't realize it. It took me long to realize that, but now I realize that and it's always so good to know that!
Keep writing! -
Ummm... sweet.. personal stuff? very emotional and true too. would be nice if you paid attention to grammar too.
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This is so sweet and powerful. I am glad that, despite everything that you have been through, you are able to write about it on here. It is true though, there is always someone out there willing to help - you just have to reach out to them. Maybe you could draw on your experiences a little bit more and write a story?
Keep it up and I hope you are well,
- CC -
Wow! this is a great piece, real emotion comes through, there are a few grammer mistakes, but it isn't that noticable. Keep up the awesome work
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that was nice thanks 4 telling people out thir it was also inspiraion but remember to use capital letters at the start and it true there is always someone out there just waiting
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Nice rant! Capital letters at start of sentence, tho, and spaces b4 them.
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Thanks for putting this out here. Maybe you'd like to turn it into a story - or have it provide you with inspiration.
Keep writing! -
There is always someone there for you. I think you are very brave to talk about this. Your dad sounds great. Well done for writing about it. Kais =)
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wow this is cool are you going to eventually tell the whole storyy or is that just a little opiece that we have to go from anyway message me and let me know!
<3 Princess PEaches -
a lot of people have been through things just like that like my mom left when i was little and i only get to see her every other weekend but for a long time i didn't get to see her at all and it sucked because i hate my dad so much and i love my mom moree than anything in the entire world and it sucked i so can not wait until i turn 18 and i can move out and never come back im going to move as far away as possible
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*hugs U* I've been through it too by the way. My mom didn't leave me but she died in a car crash when I was younger. I just live with my aunt now and she is so cool, and yes, she's always there for me.
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Uhh..
This is a story? This needs revising and re-doing if it is a story, and if it's not, this can go on your profile... -
o.o I am sorry
this was a nice story though
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THANKS! My dad was killed in 1996. And afterward, life was darn hard, ho ho ho. No. Seriously, we were completely broke and all that, but we survived.
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Ok, not to be rude or anything but WOW, this needs work. First off, this is not a story. I expected there to actually be a story about yourself. Instead what I got was this dull dragging monotone monologue.
Secondly, there are more grammar errors in this than spines in a cactus. Go back through and give this proper capitalization, punctuation, and spelling. Then give this some actual story and depth and it might be ok. Until then.. I am glad this was only 76 words. Quick and almost painful read. -
Sad story you have. I'm feel sorry about your mum but Praise God you have a caring dad! Hope that you'll continue to cherish life And stay happy
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Nice to meet you Mike. I see a few of grammer errors in this, always capitalize I, misspelled going,should be a capitale H after dad!!, next sentence same thing, and for the rest of the sentences the beginning should be capital. Other than this stuff, I liked it, it's good you have someone there for you. Keep up the great writeing.
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This needs a little bit of work, check though before you post, make sure you use capital letters.
Hi(,) my name is mike(Mike) and i would like to tell my story!i(I) have been threw(through) alot of stuff(. Like) like being abused and stuff.
My real mom left me and she(delete she) has not talked to me in seven years.(I)i have one thing in my life that keeps me giong and that is my dad!!
(He)he has gave(given) me alot of things (things, like what?).(He)he has (been) taking care of me from(change from to since) when(delete when) i(I) was a baby. (He)he('s)the one that loves me and does(did) things for me!! (This)this is why im here now(,).so (I will) always remember that you have someone out there for you!!!!!1
Sarah.
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I think if this was revised a bit, this would be a good story, because then this would be well-written, and well thought out, with good imagery and story. But you need to revise the grammar some before I say this is a good story, because grammar goes well with a story.
This was also obviously probably kind of personal to probably a lot of people and possibly yourself, so it's meaningful in that way.
Keep up the good work! -
Too much STUFF.....
"Through" is spelled THROUGH...(not threw)
"He" takes a CAPITAL letter...since it is at the start of a sentence....same with "This."And, "going" is not "giong"...probably a typo...but be more careful.
You say you would like to tell us your "story" but other than the fact that you are living with one parent, your dad, that seems to be it. Where's the "story?" It's gratifying to hear that your dad has taken care of you since your infancy (better than saying: "since I was a baby"...and that he loves you and does "THINGS" for you...but this isn't what makes a "STORY!" To make a good "STORY" you have to SHOW us HOW he loves you...and be more specific...in regard to "does things for me." What THINGS? WHAT does he "DO" for you? WHY has that helped you to "be here" now? And just WHAT do you mean by "WHY I'M HERE NOW?" Where would you have been otherwise? What would have PREVENTED you from "being here now?" Don't be so VAGUE...don't use words like "STUFF" What "stuff!" C'mon! And, by the way...why should I always remember that "there's always someone out there?" Because YOU have someone? Suppose your reader does not have a "dad?" What reason other than YOUR dad are you giving the reader to "remember?"...the fact that YOU have someone? Not enough, Mike! Anyway, this was YOUR story...let the story serve as encouragement for the reader...not a line like: "so always remember..." without anything to substantiate or justify it. TELL A STORY...don't give advice. Let the STORY make us "remember!"
GA
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hmmm. i don't entirely agree with the people that say this is pointless. if it means something to you, then kudos.
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yes i think there could be a bit of editing done but your point was expressed and the moral of your story was that no one is alone... and it was touching.
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Mike, love. You've got your point accross, yeah. Short, sweet. Whatever. I don't see any talent in the writing, sorry to say. Edit it a little. Write something worthwhile. I'm not a bitch, ever. I just need you to know that this is utterly pointless. These are ideas that you should be able to say with a lot of emotion, but you just spew it out like "blah."
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Note:
i have been threw alot: I have been through a lot.
he has gave me alot: He has given me a lot
THere are things like these that need fixing. I hope this is not a real life story of you(the mother part that is)... It's really touching in the end. I really like thee air of hope you give to people to look forward to... Good Job
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Uplifting
This made me feel good, so thanks for that. I like the last last, very strong and very emotional, well done Max -
This was good, nice to know you can get it al there like that.
Lady Madeline. -
that's very touching, and I'm glad you found one person in your life who you can hold on to. Just remember, it is quality, and not quantity, that is important. Its a nice message you have written here, I am sure it will warm up a lot of people who are feeling blue about their life.
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This was really sweet. Welcome to SW. I'm sorry that you've struggled so much and I'm glad you're willing to help others
Kari -
I will remember that ^_^
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wow..cute little rant thing...its nice
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Hmm, people really dig those types of stories.. so go ahead. Make it longer and just tell it like it is, and voila! A novella!
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That's the second good rant I've read in ten minutes! Poor spelling, but really good nontheless!
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Awwww, I'm sorry. Good job on this little rant thing. It's very emotional. Good job ^.^
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a very personal piece, full of honesty and truthful emotion! i like how you have put a positive ending to it, instead of letting the problems you describe weigh it down. im sure a lot of people will gain some comfort in this as they go through their own problems. it is very true that we all have someone there for us, and you have expressed this nicely in your piece.
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Aww, so personal. It'd be horrible to be abused and I find it really sad you had to go through that. Your dad seems like a pretty nice guy. You're lucky he's there. My dad isn't, so I kinda know how you feel with your mom. Excellent work telling your story. I know there's a lot more though. Keep your chin up!!
~Kevan~ -
I love hearing this
I have to say I hate the abused thing, but your Dad is awesome, and I love hearing that. Usually the guys are seen as the ones who abandon the family, so this makes me happy to hear evidence otherwise. A model of what responsible dads should be.
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The hopeful ring at the near end should serve as a guide to each person who reads this. Glad you wouldn't let past hurts bear you down. Keep going, you can go far!
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I think that the message you are sending to everyone is a positive one and it is a good thing to remember. Good job.
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Aww sad but sweet. I'm sorry about the begining but now it sounds like it's going fine...
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Your dad sounds cool. Sometimes it is hard to remember that there is someone out there for you, so it is good to be reminded.
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Good
Hey, except for the typos...this was very interesting. I liked this insight into your life. I'm glad that you have a great Dad! One of the things that make life worth living is someone who cares. Good work with this. -
As others have pointed out, this isn't a story so much as a very short description, possibly autobiographical at that.
You need to capitalise your own name, capitalise your firt person pronouns (your "I"s), and put spaces between your periods at the end of one sentence and the beginning of the next. Spelling and grammar are important tools in writing any piece, whether it be fiction or non-fiction. The reason for this is because such rules are established in order to give stability and ease to those who are reading once they settle into the language's patterns. Unless you are intentionally using poor spelling and grammar to make a point or make people see things differently, spelling and grammatical errors just look like carelessness; in this case, the result does look like that. I'd suggest revising this heavily. -
Hi Mike. I think that you have a lot of spelling errors. They should be fixed. The first word of every sentence is capitalised and you only use one exclamation mark. 'i' is also capitalised. Sorry about your mom.
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for sure
i feel you man but you gotta hang on and be strong... -
Well it's not really a story...more of a biography of yourself. I'm not even sure if this counts as a sample of writing...perhaps it would belong more on your profile? In any case, there are definitely some outstanding grammatical errors here, specifically issues with capitalization. Try also using spellcheck as well. 'Threw' should be 'through.'
Also, multiple exclaimation marks are not good for writing in general. -
I agree with that one right there... I lost my dad four years ago when I was twelve... so I am kinda lost. All I have now is my finacee and my mom... But I agree when things get down and low, Go to the first you know!
~:Kitten:~ -
awesome :)
this is really good even though its not a story. it could be however. oyu should look into writing one about your life. . im sorry about your mom, but you obviously dont deserve someone like that in your life anyways. its a good thing your dad is there for you. -
I saw you asking people to comment on your story in the CB, so I decided to come over and check it out. It's not much of a story. It's more like a blog or a journal entry. I understand why you would want people to read it, though. It makes me wonder how old you are??
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sorry to hear about your mother. but keep up the great work
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Sorry about your mom, but I'm glad you have your dad. I'm sure the bond will be twice as strong because of what you have gone through. Maybe your momwill see the light someday and get in touch with you.
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is that it?
I think the topic here is very serious, you could definitely have something for a story. This really just seems like a post that you would put on a forum, or maybe a biography for a profile. There isn't any sort of development with characters, no conflict, no resolution. By all technicalities it isn't really a story.
I do think that you could definitely develop this into a good story, though. You have a good subject to work with, one that would inspire conflict, as well as the resolution when your dad comes to save you. -
How sad and very inspiring, Mike. With a few words, you certainly get your point across.
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That wasn't really too much of a story kind of a short biography. But still...the grammar errors were irratating...But that's only one opinion.
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