Tales from the Tangent Universe: Romance and Suicide

I watched a change in you1

It’s like you never had wings2

Now you feel so alive3

I’ve watched you change4

5

I awoke with a headache...disoriented and dizzy, I could barely remember anything of the night before. It was several minutes before the world around me snapped into focus and my mind was blasted away at the recollection of the previous nights events...6

Now I, I wish it would rain down, down on me7

Yes I wish it would rain, rain down on me now8

9

She left me...10

I Guess I had been a fool to think that everything was going so well. IT had been, yet at the same time it had not. She had seen through the facade...seen the guilt, the misery, and the pain...and it had scared her. She had seen how the slcohol and drugs had consumed me and she did not know how to deal with it. I on the other hand had my own ways to deal...11

Stars and pills and needles dance before our eyes12

They will bite the hand 13

If it is slower than 14

The quickness of their scrutinizing eyes15

Hours later my mind could no longer understand the mysteries of love. I was lost on a high-speed train and could not find the brakes. 16

The past began to flood my mind, overwhelming me with both pain and pleasure. All the arguments screamed themselves at me and all the love making returned to my senses. It was as if i was reliving our entire relationship and could not do anything but watch. I remembered it all as if it had just happened last week. Our first kiss in my moms back yard, our first date to see Finding Nemo, the first time i touched the skin of her breast...the first taste of her flesh...it was all so powerful, so amazing, I Was stunned by my own memories.17

The remembrance did not stop there. I began to think of how we progresssed over the years...slowly at first...but one thing always leads to another. We'd make out in the Community College parking lot hours after class had ended...that parking lot held alot of first for me...my first blow-job..the first touch of the sweet flesh that is woman...and the first time I ever had a cell phone ran over by a car.18

I remember the first time we made love we were both newcomers to the art....pure, innocent, and clean. All inexperience aside, she was amazing...and it only got better. MAKing love to her was always a new experience, each time feeling as if it were the first time...however short or long it lasted, it was then that i felt such emotion, such power, such love for her that i felt it my duty to pleasure her more than she pleasured me. The best times were the ones where, after my post-encounter cigarrette, we would lay for hours, our arms and legs tangled into a human knot that neither of us wished to ever be undone.19

I was beginning to think i had gone crazy. I had begun to cry and i could not control myself, i hated this...Why did this have to end? IT didn't make any sense to me at all, I loved her and she loved me, wasn't that enough? I had given myself to her and only her, and she had given herself to me and only me, i didn't want anyone else...i only wanted to share that love making with her and no one else.20

I knew it was folly though...21

I was born into this22

everything turns to shit23

the boy that you loved is the man that you fear24

I had made my way out onto the deck outside my apartment, a tall glass of ice and JACK Daniels in my hand. I sobbed as i gripped the railing...it didn't make sense...it just wasn't possible... I shuddered as i gulped down some of the whiskey, letting out the breath i had been holding as i tipped back the glass...what was I doing?25

I could no longer think, could no longer live, comprehend, everything was now pointless. It was all meaningless. All the world around me now seemed to be such worthless trash.26

Looking over the railing i could see down...down three stories to the sidewalk. Suddenly it all made perfect sense. Suddenly I didn't have a care in the world, it all became clear int he blink of an eye.27

I never thought I'd die alone 28

Another six months I'll be unknown 29

Give all my things to all my friends 30

You'll never set foot in my room again 31

You'll close it off, board it up 32

Remember the time that I spilled the cup 33

Of apple juice in the hall 34

Please tell mom this is not her fault35

It was only three stories...but it seemed like an eternity to me...the world let go as the sidewalk opened up to welcome me into it's eternal quiet. I knew as soon as i let myself flip over the railing that i might regret this later...but a laugh escaped my lips as soon as the thought had crossed my mind...I DIDN"T care and soon nobody else would. I would be forgotten...the dead are always forgoten in the end.36

When there's nowhere else to run37

Is there room for one more son38

One more son39