Wasted time, Wasted energy and nothing1
left to look forward to, my opinions about2
everything have become warped and twisted3
whats wrong with me? The entire world4
has lost all meaning to me. his whole planet5
could self destruct and I wouldnt care.6
I hate everything, I embrace sickness, and7
Death. Listening to the mournful wails of darkness8
marching ever closer. My world overcome with bleakness, I pity myself for I am drawn to the9
abyssal pits of non-existence, merely by human 10
desires. 11
I have stratched, Pulled and bent to the limits12
it's time to break. Pushing myself further into 13
oblivion. I cry that you may hear my words, cry not14
when im gone. I got what i wanted to be free15
of the troubles caused by mankind faw16
away in to death...Alone in the Abyss 17
Author notes
Very...well not really that old at all but it was before me and lacey got together
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 55 of 55
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That's kinda what happened to me last month. I could care less about the world. There's nothing that would matter.... Well, nice job at describing it, I wouldn't be able to put it any other way.
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Wow
I really liked this story but at the same time i want to sock you for being so unemotional
. Its just in a humans nature to be emotional although sometime were better off without emotions and i think that lots of ppl would agree with me. I loved the part at the end alone in the abyss but your not there alone i would be right there with you because for one i want to go to see the abyss (laughs). Mankind does have a lot of troubles though. Don't push yurself anymore into obivion i want to see new storys from you keep on truckin (ive always hated that expression). 
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A heartbreaker
Apparently a poetical series of metaphors for a breakup. Very nicely put. You have a few grammatical errors, but you're actual textual purpose is spot-on.
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It conveys feeling nicely. We've all felt like that time and time again. It's nicely written and very good.
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Wow, I must say I know this feeling very well and quite recently at that. Beautifully done.
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This was a good read- I would not say it was entirely engaging... not somthing I would be incredibly impressed with, but it was written nicely, was sad and touching and I appreicate the writing !!! and the concept behind it.
Good write
Blair
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sounds like a very depressed person on the verge of suicide. Hopefully that has been settled in a less permant way.
If this is a story that isn't about someone then you wrote it very well. Good job
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Its dark and depressing, very much so. Im a little scared at the moment.
It was very good and you have a... great... way of looking at this! -
that is sad. I would care if the world came to an end...
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Wow. Very good. Sad and strangely captivating, while also being rather disturbing. Lol. Yeah, a superb piece of work, nicely written and with good flow. I liked the repetition of wasted; it helped to really make it seem desolate and pointless. Brilliant. Erm, but I think this is a typo... 'I have stratched'... should this say 'stretched'? Anyway, very very good. I liked the last line too... Alone in the Abyss... how hopelessly scary. Thanks very much, this was a brilliant piece of work!
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Very good overall idea but I feel you need some work with the linebreaks. I'm not saying I'm the expert and I know there are a lot of different ways to do this but I've only seen it done a different way and I got used to it. Please correct me if I'm wrong and this is how it goes so I can know. Great work and until next time,
~Soul -
Wow...painful
You may wanna capitalize the first letters of each line, for style, is all.
I read the earlier, I believe...but forgot it. xD
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so uhh... just a few spelling and grammar mistakes... very good... i love the outlook and how you used the vocabulary... it was really good...
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wow....this is really good, but sad. I liked it. Keep Writing!!!
<3
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It was... good. But hard to read because it was deep, very very deep. Good poem, i liked it, almost MADE ME CRY (BUT I AM EMOTINATLL)
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Wow...some serious suffering...O.O I like this and am glad it's over. n Just watch the punctuation.
-H -
Wow, I really like your freeverse style...
Anyway, you have a great vocabulary, and certainly know how to use it ^-^
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Very dark and very powerful
'everything have become warped and twisted' shouldn't this be 'everything has become warped and twisted' -
Wow...wow...wow...wow...wow...wow...that's all I can seem to say. Are you, like, mentally depressed or something?
"Wasted time, Wasted energy and nothing
left to look forward to, my opinions about
everything have become warped and twisted
whats wrong with me? The entire world
has lost all meaning to me. his whole planet
could self destruct and I wouldnt care.
I hate everything, I embrace sickness, and
Death."
Those lines kind of tell me you are sad. So to make you happy I will give you a good rating. You had great vocabulary, the writing style is good. If you could embed a rhyme scheme into this, I would be down right amazed. The story is really, really good. You need to fix the arrangement of line nine, though. And in line six, you need to put an apostrophe to change "wouldnt" to "wouldn't".
Well...I hope you keep writing, and good luck in story write.
, MagicMonster00M -
Language, vocabulary are awesome! Style is good too. Not exactly my style but you did a good job in performing, but just too depressive, again it is only a personal opinion
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Emo-Style
Very sad. For my tastes, it dips a little too far toward an emo-style of writing, but if that's what you were aiming for, mission accomplished.
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This is a very good take on a classic depressive poem. I really enjoyed how well it flowed and how you managed to draw me into the dark emotions. I can actually relate to this quite well, you have a good way of targeting thoughts and feelings that are good at evading description. Keep up the good work!
- CC -
Well, this is a depressing poem! The language is great, although you're missing a few capitals for "I" and "I'm", and I caught two typos (lines 5 and 12). The layout of the poem is a bit confusing because of your divisions, especially line 9. I assume you divided the lines last-minute, so they still need a little work. Nonetheless, great poem...but don't get TOO depressed by it!
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this is a good peice. it is well written and flows good. this peice is described well.
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"his" = "this"
whoa, i feel doomed just reading it! -
Another woe-is-me piece, but kudos for writing about the depression rather than caging it inside.
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i think its a little emo for my likings but still very well written! You should enter it in a contest on allpoetry!
<3 Princess Peaches -
Argh! Where is the source of this awful suffering? I must destroy it at once!
But seriously, that's terrible. Looks like you're doing okay now, though, so I guess all's well that ends well. -
Aw, this poem is so sad. But I loved it! Lol. You should really keep on writing - I'd like to see what else you can do. I would look forward to seeing more of your writing, lol.
Keep up the great work,
-Brian. -
Sad and depressing. 'i' should be 'I' in several places. and 'his' should be 'This'. Other than that...and slightly wierd paragraphing...it was exactly how I think you wanted it...sad and depressing...
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Sad, depression and alone. Real sad piece of Poem. Very well done. you managed to capture all those images into the poem. I can feel them all. Keep up the good work
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Sad, confused sort of story. Wow you really put a lot of feeling into this, very well written I must say, though I did notice a few spelling errors. Keep up the good work.
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Hmmm..
Deprssing -
How sad. Some spelling and grammar errors in lines 6,15 and 16 but I can feel your pain/hopelessness/relief as you reach the abyss. A very sad depressing poem.
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yes this was really sad. i guess there is a meaning behind it that a lot of people can relate to... not having anyone, not caring, not worrying about things because it doesnt bother you... (if you feel you have nothing to lose.) i know i have been there in my life and i think you wrote about it with such emotion and passion. well done.
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whoa! hatred!!!!
Lol... well i realy like this. It's full of hatred for the emotion part, and at some point profanity eg "away in to death... Alone in the Abyss"
Really good... Well done! -
Good Emotion
Well done, i like the pace of the poem, and there was one mistake i noticed, 'his' instead of 'this'.
the poem made me think, it was a real brain burner, and its one of those things that makes us wonder about what the point of us all is.
Well done, its hard to write like you do, but you pulled it off
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lol..there's something about this poem i like..dunno yet..but its just nice..and i liked the way it flowed..great job
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This was great, nice and flowing.
Lady Madeline. -
This was very good...and oh-so chilling.
Exactly what I wanted to read.
You did very well with this piece!
Good job!
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This gives you such chills and it gives a very dark feeling when you read it. You've done very well on this!
Kari -
I liked it alot, I know this comment isnt like constructive critasizim or anything. but meh.
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wow..this is really dark...its an ok poem..but its flow wasn't all that good
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This is quite the depressing poem, and I'm guessing you are writing some of your true feelings here. Some powerful stuff.
"Listening to the mournful wails of darkness8
marching ever closer."
That was a really good line. -
awww, so emo. Ah well, some of the greatest works have been emo! I didn't notice any mistakes... oh, there's a typo in line 5 though, but that's nothing. Great job, keep it up!
~Kevan~ -
Bit too depressing for my tastes and self-pity isn't really an endearing trait. The lines seem to be broken at random points and there are some spelling errors. I'd say cheer up and try again
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great poem
This was a great poem I gotta say. There were a few spelling errors, like faw/fall and his/this, but it was pretty good overall.
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I lked the vocabulary you used, it really added to the atmosphere of the poem. It was kind of sad though. I think that way about people in general sometimes. Most of the human race is just stupid and I think that there rae very few people who should remain alive today. I'm surprised we haven't gone extinct... Sorry. You did a really good job though.
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Good poem here. I like it a lot. Please keep up good work like this. It's not often you see very many poets around here.
D!b^ch! -- Z3ku13 -
ok that was a preety good poem - it could be better and be much worst but really dont listen to me , i dont like poems that much but my cuz do talk to marinecaric he goes on this page
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This is a very sad poem. Are "stratched" and "faw" actual words? Anyhow, good job. I think a lot of people can relate to this depressed feeling.
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good
Its sad, its dark, its really depressed...I LIKE IT! HAHA! Even though you posted a poem as a story
Its really deep and a perfect reflection of a set of emotions, especially lonliness. Good job!
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