“She’s planning on moving out here. Selling her house, quitting her job, moving away from her family.”1
I ask him if that is what he really wants.2
“I could see that working out well, but fuck I cant see myself getting out of that relationship in any easy way. Like if it went sour that would be bad. I hate to think in the future but I know how I am and as soon as I am with a bird I am already thinking of how I can get rid of her.”3
I ask him why he thinks we are like that.4
“I think Jack Handy said it best: Just because swans mate for life, I don't think it's that big of a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks that much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?”5
“I don’t know, maybe its just boredom”6
It's not even really boredom I tell him.7
I tell him it's more like eating steak every day for a month.8
“Yeah, steak is awesome. But if you ate it everyday? No thanks. I would get sick of it pretty damned quick.”9
“Even if it was cooked with different sauces and stuff. Or you chopped it up and put it in a stew. I'd still be like, ‘Hey wait a minute, is this STEAK AGAIN??’”10
I tell him it’s instinct.11
I tell him it’s the thrill of the hunt.12
I tell him no animal carries around a dead carcass for the rest of their life.13
“Well we are all human but we're also different. Like some people want to nest right away and then live to regret it and others want to wait and then regret not doing it earlier. As far as I'm concerned we have some regret to face in the future, so whatever.”14
“Just do what feels right.”15
“Anyway there is probably some Internet site to meet people like us so we won’t die lonely and hung over.”16
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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It made me think of two kids in college, you know, not yet learned enough about the nature of things to really discuss. Just talking for the sake of hearing their voices.
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I love the last line, it sounded like something my friend would say. Brilliant, well done. I loved it
~ Leah
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Very interesting. The girl seems to be more into romance and relationships than the guy.
I like the ending!
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This was really cool to read. I like all the deep insight into dating and relationships, and then the abrupt end that fit it perfectly. It was very interesting to read and see how people percieve relationships.
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I like how you made this seem like it could be a one sided conversation, or even a dialogue going on in somebody's head. And the ending was quite humorous. Nice.
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Is this what goes on in some peoples' minds?! No wonder there are so many dysfunctional, crumbling families... so many troubled kids.... So pathetic that we never know how to appreciate what we have or take responsibility for our choices.
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The ending is hilarious. It's great, and well written, and such an original idea. Great job.
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This is a good story and well written, though there are a few places I'd recommend you taking another look at. "Like if it went sour that would be bad." There, for example, you need a comma in front of if and behind sour. There are a few other places that need to be looked over, but they're not major poblems. And we all make mistakes, eh?
This was a good story and I hope to see more from you soon.
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lmao!!!
the ending funny lol loved the story i found it gd
keep up the gd work
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Wow, very unique. Lovely writing style, and nice dialog. I was under slight confusion at moments as to who was talking, but this wasn't really all that important as it was just to get across the idea. I liked the three simple lines 'i tell'. I also like the last line, which made me smile. And the examples of steak in stew, steak with sauce, ect, was also funny. Good flow of writing and steady style, which made it nice to read. A thoroughly enjoyable piece, keep at it!
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Lmao, I like this a lot. Especially the ending. Very good piece. All dialect, but very well-done. xD
-HT -
The dialogue was very realistic, a interesting situation..
I'll keep posted for more =]
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I liked this, you have a good grasp of dialogue and you are able to bring the characters to life through what they say. I agree with an earlier comment though, this does seem like it belongs in a slightly bigger piece - something to give your affinity for the spoken word a greater context. Like framing a picture.
Keep it up.
- CC -
whoa! is all i can say, 'cos ive thought about this too.
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This seemed to feel like it belonged in the guts of something bigger. By itself, their didn't seem much aim to it - except the theme of two blokes talking about whether or not they're going to move onto the next chick.
Apart from that it flowed well, and your punctuation, spelling and grammer were pretty good.beginning: 2, language: 1, plot: 2, ending: 1, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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It was a little confusing because you don't know who the character is talking to when one side has a dialogue and the other has a description of what is happening. Anyway, I'm glad that I am more positive when it comes to dating. When you are thinking about getting rid of someone before anything starts, you'll probably end up alone.
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Interesting. So what you guys are saying is that there really is no good way to go about it. Well, one thing is clear--there are definitely ways that are worse than others. I'll stick with the way I like. =P
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Ah a good story but yep a little confusing...but overall i think its a nicely done piece
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Confusing but good.
Really, I'm confused! What's going on here? Is it like an interview? The sudden change in subject is also a thing to confuse one, but overall it's really good. I enjoyed it and I think you should write more. It's definately worth doing. People would read it, (me)
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That part about the swans was funny. More background and physical descriptions of the people would be good don`t you think? If you are going to continue with I`ll read it.
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Slightly confusing as to what's going on. The dialogue is very cryptic.
x Julez -
I don't know that I'd have filed this under romance...I don't consider moving in "dating" anymore either.
It was an interesting take on a man's point of view that was well written, though I wish you have have spent a sentence or two to set up who the speakers were from the beginning. -
hmmm this gave me food for thought. I think that you've explained this very well. I enjoyed reading it
Very well done!
Kari -
This was pretty well written but I didn't like it. The concept about nesting and regretting it, or regretting not nesting earlier kind of thing has to be the most pessimistic thing ever. Plenty of animals have mates they stay with, just not all of them.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Thanks
Thenk you for entering. -
Interesting
I guess I've never really thought about how a man feels about commitment. This is refreshing. Of course there were a couple of spelling errors but who doesn't have them. I got confused with the bird reference in the third paragraph until I read more.
Not much on the characters though...just that there single males. Are they friends? Maybe a therapist?beginning: 4, language: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
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