Once upon a time, and a very long time ago I might add, lived a herd of Unicorns. A Queen of their kind, who was very beautiful and was never looked down upon, ruled them. Her name was Soaring Rose Petal, though everyone called her, "Your Majesty." These Unicorns lived in an enchanted Forest known as Chestiria Forrest. It was a beautiful Forest founded by the Queen herself. 1
Now the Queen loved every single Unicorn in her herd, but as to be expected, the Queen had her favorite among them. It was a little filly named Shining. Shining loved the Queen very much, but Shining had her own ideas on how to go about doing different things. You see, the Queen was not fond of humans and there was only one in Chesteria, but Shining adored them. Everyday Shining would slip away from the herd and go play with her human friend. She gave the human boy rides on her back everyday and it gave him great joy. The little boy loved her. No one in the herd knew that she came in contact with this human, but one bad little colt named Chester. The only reason Chester knew this was because he had always noticed Shining slip away from the herd and he was very curious to see what she was doing. So one day he decided to follow her and find out. 2
Chester followed her a long way from the meadow where the herd had been playing. Every step he took he became even more and more curious about where he was following her to. Just when he was about to burst with curiosity, she stopped in a most beautiful place with flowers of every kind spread everywhere. Chester hid behind a tree watching her. All of a sudden, she neighed a low neigh and from out of a tree jumped this little boy! Chester gasped so loudly that Shining turned around and saw him. She pleaded with him not to tell the Queen, but he just shook his head and ran back to the herd. 3
While he was running back, Shining laid down and cried while the boy comforted her. She knew that if the Queen were told, she would be banished from the herd forever. She also knew that the Queen would turn the boy into stone. She thought furiously for a moment and then knew what she had to do. Even thought the boy had never wanted to go back to where he came from, Earth, she knew that she would have to send him back. Shining loved the boy very much, so she had to say goodbye to him knowing that she would never see him again. She then lowered her horn and sent him far off to Earth where he belonged.4
Meanwhile, Chester told the Queen and she was so upset that her favorite little filly would betray her that when she appeared in the place where Shining was, she immediately banished Shining from Chestiria forever. The Queen immediately realized what she had just done. She had just killed the first Unicorn ever to be killed and Unicorns weren't even supposed to die. The gods, wanting to punish her for her awful deed, put an enchantment on all Unicorns. The enchantment was that eventually every Unicorn would die, but because of the good deed done by Shining, the gods made all unicorns a promise that whenever a Unicorn died they would be turned into a star. Because of Shinings love for humans, the gods put her over our Earth to watch over every single human being and I believe that even today she is still watching over us. So every time you look into the sky and see all the millions of stars, think of Shining and all the Unicorns that have died... for us. 5
Author notes
I actually wrote this when I was a little girl. I hope you enjoy!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Aww.... It's cute!! I love it! It's really good, and a nice take using fairytale style. You obviously had a gift for writing since the cradle
This would be a good childrens book, but it's slightly sad. Corny but cute, i loved it.
-Melissa
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You wrote this when you were a LITTLE girl?
Wow. I really liked this.
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Lmao.
I loved this. Even more since you said you wrote it as a child.
Amazing.
Haha....
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It's a sad but sweet little story. Poor Shining...well at least she can watch the humans now. I'm not normally a unicorn person but this was very cute.
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love stories that deal with unicorns. Good write.
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Wow, that was adorable.. yet sad =\
I loved this immensly though
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Wow, this is really good.
Don't know why I started reading this (I'm not really into childrens stories) but I'm really glad I did. It was really sweet! Great ending, I'm certain that this could be published as a childrens book.
Excellent!
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Wait, she just banished her, so how did she "kill"?
Aw, poor shining! -
This is really touching. I'm surprised that you haven't turned it into something bigger - your ideas are quite original and creative.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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I really like this! Very nice!
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Cool
Nice! The starter "Once upon a time" is really old, and hasn't been used in ages! It's usually a boring way to start a story, but you've made it seem really interesting! I can't decribe how, but it's like turning a boring starter into an interesting one!
Hey, if you like fantasy, there's a group called Constantania, run by one of my friends, Tea3. I think you'd really fit in. Give it a try!
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I can tell it was written by a younger girl, but it's still very interesting. Kind of reminded me of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, where the queen hates humans and turns people to stone. Especially like the star thing. I've read a lot of stories of how the stars came to be and this is one of the best.
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Pretty good!
I've actually heard a story before that was similar to this, but I still like it. A good legend.
No spelling mistakes.
A+
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I liked this sad tale
I love animals so much, even the "fictional" ones. I've always been a fan of "fairy tales." I think that as a kid, I would have loved to have read this somewhere in a book.
Thank you for this read
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I don't know if this helps but the line "She had just killed the first unicorn ever to be killed and Unicorns weren't even supposed to die." confused me at first. I understand it now but at casual read it was confusing. Maybe there is another wasy to write that?
This was wonderful and my nine year old loved it. What age were you when you wrote this?
overall: 6.
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