Grey stone castle walls reached up towards the sky straining to look up at it I sat as far forward as you’re seatbelt will allow. Boys and girls were standing holding bags and talking to their parents, milling around the entrance of ABA boarding school. Nerves made my stomach twist. 1
Rhishka, Tanya, and i collected my things from car and stand outside my legs feeling wobbly. my mother absent mindedly begins to walk towards the entrance. “MOM!!!” Rhishka yells. “Mom, as you may or may not have noticed at one point we are all carrying suitcases. Heavy suitcases. But you are not carrying anything but a purse. Therefore we cannot walk as fast as you.” 2
my mom began to slow a bit but I, lagging behind bumped into something. I fell backwards and drop your suitcases. “Surry.” Says a quiet muffled voice I could hear the heat rising in their face. A tan, muscular hand reaches through the suit cases taking it I was pulled from my position on the ground. “its ok…” I said brushing dirt of your pants when I was satisfied i looked up to see a boy with messy just-out-of-bed style black hair and blue eyes, his face was slightly pink and he had an odd expression on his face. I smiled at him and to my surprise his face cracked into a soft smile. “I’m Melina.” i say. “Adrian.” He says. He was wearing a brown shirt declaring that if “the sarcasm’s to much then to leave him alone”. “Nice shirt...” I said. He laughed blushing a little more, he crossed his arms in front of his chest.3
Author notes
... i wanted to lighten the mood
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Lol, this is a great story, you should really continue with this, nice descriptivness.
-
This is a good read. I enjoyed the way you described meeting the boy. This is a good beginning to a much longer tale.
-
Good Start!
It certainly has potential but you might need to read over it a few times just to filter out the few grammar mistakes. It sounds pretty good and I can't wait to find out what happens next!
Good One!
-
Nice chapter. Some confusion between drifting between past and present tense.
beginning: 2, language: 1, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
-
Hmmm.
Don't know about this. It's quite confusing. I reccommend NOT changing the tense all the time because it really makes it hard to understand.
Not trying to critisice but use of paragraphs and punctuation might make it look more like a story, and also would help one to understand.I have a question, was the boy, Adrian, a boarder at the particular school? Thanks, if you could get back to me that would be great. Please write more! It's a good start!
(I thought this emotion looked cute!) -
Hmmmm....a good start to an interesting...romance? thriller? mystery?
No spelling mistakes
Add a new paragraph for each new speaker
A-
-
That picture scares me. Always has, always will.
I jumped when I saw it, literally
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
