Single Father of 2 Children- Chapter 3

Chapter 3 The 2 big surprises
It was Lindsay’s birthday today. Lindsay was turning 12. Linda and Bridget are going to spend the night. Lindsay was so excited she cleaned her room to look less sloppy.
That afternoon… after Lindsay finished cleaning her room Linda and Bridget arrived. Lindsay greeted them as she took their decorated bags. When Lindsay shut the door she showed them around the house real quick then she put the bags at the corner of the room right beside the closet. Lewis knocked on Lindsay’s door then he whispered, “Hey, I have to go to the store for about 15 minutes, and Derek is sleeping so you have to whisper.”
Lindsay was pretty rude to ignore her own father, but she didn’t hear him because he was whispering so soft. The 3 girls watched a movie and whispered until the boring parts were over. Then there was the doorbell rang. Lindsay ran down the stairs as she told Linda and Bridget to stay upstairs for a minute.
Lindsay got down to the bottom of the stairs then she ran to the door and hit herself with the side of the door. The woman at the door was still waiting. She didn’t want to open the door and be rude so she waited. Finally, Lindsay got back up and opened the door full. She took a gasp. Lindsay looked up at the tall woman’s face then she wondered… a few minutes later she thought that the woman was there to talk to Lewis but he was here so she just showed the woman in.
The woman asked, “Do you remember me… umm Lindsay I believe?”
Lindsay was suspicious then she asked, “Aren’t you that lady for my dad that is supposed to give him that rip off cologne?”
The woman took a gasp then answered, “ Okay, No more guessing Lindsay I am not the woman that sells rip off cologne, but I am your mother, Lasguinigah.”
“Yeah, sure my mom is… no it can’t be my mom. I thought she was gone ever since I was 10,” Lindsay said in a frightened voice.
Lindsay took a grin then she ran upstairs to get Linda and Bridget. They walked down the stairs then when they got at the bottom of the stairs Lasguinigah wasn’t there. Lindsay got real mad as she stomped her feet back up the stairs. When Lindsay got to her room she tried to prove that her mom was down those stairs.
Finally, Lewis was back. Lindsay started screaming then Derek woke up. She forgot all about that. Lindsay, Linda, and Bridget went into the kitchen and sat on the chairs close to the counter. Lewis took out the groceries then he had a surprise they were going to make cookies! Lewis put all of the stuff on the counter.
Bridget made her favorite cookies creamy peanut butter cookies. Linda made sugar cookies, and Lindsay made chocolate chip cookies. They all finished mixing the ingredients at just about the same time. Then it was time to bake them. While they were waiting they all talked about boys and stuff. Linda and Lindsay wanted Bridget to tell a story about her life in Canada but she didn’t.
Finally, the cookies were done. They all ate their own cookies. Lewis even made his own, but after the girls made theirs. His cookies just had pecan bits in them. The cookies tasted really good, but only for him. So he ate his own cookies too.
The girls were sent upstairs. It was 10:30 at night. They were knocked out at 10: 45. Around 2:30 in the morning Lasguinigah came back. She talked to Lewis. They talked for about 2 hours. It was a tough decision, but Lewis meant to do this 2 years ago, and it was to get engaged to Lasguinigah. Lewis had a dream come true. So now Lasguinigah is Lewis’s fiancé.
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Comments

  • XoxoJacindaXoxo
    October 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    sorry... i apologize... i wrote this when i was in 4th grade..


  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    April 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Linda and Bridget ARE going to..." has a tense mix-up as the rest of the story is in past-tense.

    Use "three" instead of "3".

    Lindsey is about to turn twelve. She'd have better grammar than “Aren’t you that lady for my dad that is supposed to give him that rip off cologne?”

    You can't "take a grin", only "give" one.

    "Lewis took out the groceries then he had a surprise they were going to make cookies! " Has two sentences joined together. Separate from "They were...". Also, omit the ! as it irks a reader.

    The ending was...a bit bland. "So now" seems to casual.

    Proofread!

    T