Early morning sun blinds my eyes1
As I walked out the front door2
I gazed up at the cloudless skies3
As my feet had taken to the floor4
Over to my car, radio turns on5
And I take to the winding road6
Bobbing my head to my favorite song7
As I yearn for a coffee well owed8
Entering the cafe I make my choice9
Not the regular today, feeling daring10
"A coconut cappuccino", comes my voice11
Something different and hopefully bearing12
I grabbed my coffee and I turned to leave13
Then flashbacks came of that day14
I silently walked out, quietly I breathe15
I wish he would come my way16
I walked down the street over to my car17
Then a man ran and snatched my purse18
I fell to the floor, next to a bar19
Blood on knees and hands, I cursed!20
Things started to spin as I tried to stand21
I guess I must have hit my head22
Then suddenly someone reached for my hand23
It was him, I nearly dropped dead!24
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Interesting. It started out good and I was a bit intrigued as to where you were going with it, and then it took a diff direction than what I was thinking, and it just kind of dropped out at the end for me.
However, it was well written and flowed rather nicely. Your word choices kept me reading and It was overall pleasant
keep up the good work.
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So sweet, at the end. I loved how it went from automatic desperation to joy and shock. Beautiful writing. Bravo(a)
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Good Work!
I loved this poem! It was so smooth! lol, i know it must sound weird, but your poem sounded comfy. I really like the protagonist and how you started its routine, making us feel all comfortable. And then bam--the action comes out of no where to intrigue us at the right moment. And there comes another character--our protagonist's favorite. Nice ending!! -
Nice and sweet, although I wish the rhyming was a bit better. I like the whole concept of this poem, waking up on an ordinary, boring day, not expecting love to bump into you...and when it does--Fireworks!
Great write!
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I think this is a wonderful poem, I remember when my husband finally took my head, I felt my heart skip a few beats, It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I still feel it to this day
I think you did a wonderful job on this piece! Thanks for posting!
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This is a very evangelestic poem, however you must be careful of the rhyming pattern. The rhyming alwaysmatters in poems!
Or, well the type of rhyming way initially. XD
Good job. -
Sweet!
That's a first impression! You get mugged and then the guy you like helps you up!
Great flow, words, and altogether effort!
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Very nice, but perhaps the rhyming detracted from it slightly. Ryhming often makes a poem souind forced, so it's often better to do it without and use the flow of the lines instead. Anyway, very nice ideas, and good thoughts behind it. This was ell done, and I liked some of the imagery, particularly at the beginning. Nice read, keep writing!
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It was a very good start it started to fade in the middle a little, but you deffintely picked it up towards the end. Very supriseing, i figure this was probablly something that happened to you are someone you know, just a guess
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different, very different. And it made me laugh. I like the strangly light tones with the backwards phrasing contrasting with the normal 'just life' setting.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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wow.. the ending was unexpected. you really made me believe it is one of usual poems where there is no beginning, no end. Yours is practically a good short story
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Oooh,tense mix-up
Oh, nice ending, good flow. -
Interesting conclusion. Cute that the best opportunities often come from the worst experiences. Keep writing!
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wow, sudden turn in this story. I liked it a lot, It was a pleasure to read. Keep up the great writeing.
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Lol
i love the ending, it puts a smile on your face, this woman has got the man of her dreams and from a bad incident.
I like the whole 'coffee' sequence, it seems so real and something people do everyday (please dont point out people actually do ><)
Overall, a good poem, made me smile, keep it up -
lol..i really liked this..i like poems that rhyme..but i'm not sure about the ending though..seems kinda sudden..you know , unfinished..or maybe its just me
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Wow, this is cool. I really like it. Nice job. I understand it pretty well. Good job on this ^.^
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Ahh, that's really neat! Lik a story, too. .Very cool, wonderful rhyme and GREAT ending. Super cute. Amazing work!
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This was a really cute poem! I love how it rhymed, I'm a big fan of rhyming poems. I think you did a really great job!
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I loved the end. I laughed when you wrote "It was him, I nearly dropped dead!"
This would be a great short story.
I don't rate poetry, only because I come from the heart.
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