Single Father of 2 Children

Chapter 2                                                      The Story1

One evening on a hot June morning. Lindsay got up and made breakfast again. Well Derek started crying as he got out of bed, and started screaming as he hit the hard-wood floor. Lewis finally got up and took Derek downstairs. Lewis had something in mind though. He thought it didn’t make any sense, but it was a sign.2

Finally Lewis and Derek got settled for a family breakfast. Again Lewis had the same thing in mind from before. He ate his sausage as he thought again. Lindsay was suspicious; Lewis was twitching all of a sudden. His eyebrows were going opposite ways. Like one eyebrow was lifted and one was in its regular position. Lindsay tried to laugh but she had food in her mouth so she didn’t. Derek stared at Lewis then started crying, because of his eyebrows. 3

Again, Lewis had that thought and then he fell asleep.  Lindsay was in a summer class, and her class was about mysteries. She hoped she could try to write a story that is very mysterious. The next morning, Lindsay sat up in her bed wondering. She called her new friend Bridget, and asked about her life in Canada. 4

That was brilliant! Just one night about her life in Canada was perfect to write into a story. It was just like she guessed it would be.  Lindsay almost fell asleep because the story was kind of long. Then after she typed the story then she fell fast asleep.5

Lindsay woke up then caught the bus. She arrived to school. Finally it was time to get to the classes. Lindsay got out her story. She read, 6

“One morning on a warm Canada day a child sat up in bed. She heard a noise from her closet. The child had a baseball bat next to her bed. She heard the sound then screamed. She carefully opened the door and put half of the baseball bat into the closet.  The girl whipped the bat and whipped it again, and then she kept on whipping the bat then all of a sudden she felt a tug then another tug and then another tug. She started panting as she tried to leave the room instantly. But the bat was stuck. Then the door crept… then she saw a shadow, but it was only the white flurry dress she wears to church.” 7

The teacher gave her an A+ for a wonderful story. After the classes the buses arrived. When Lindsay got on the bus left. Lindsay never realized that she was the last one on the bus thought. Then Lindsay arrived home.8

When Lindsay got home she got something to eat. When Lindsay got home Lewis stopped thinking that thought that9

made his eyebrows twitch. It was still summer but school was going to start soon and I will be Derek’s first year at a public school.10

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Comments


  • Melli
    March 16, 2008

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    .[Quick comment].

    There should be a comma instead of a peroid after morning in the first sentance.

    Also, you should cut off the 'Well' on the 2nd sentance. It would sound better without it.

    You should revise this, have you yet? There's a few errors you probably should change. It's a little chopy to, but if you move things around and reword some sentances it could be a heck of a lot better.

    Still, it was a good-quality story. good job, keep working on it.

    KEEP.WRITING.

    -Melli<33


  • Seachelle
    March 16, 2008

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    "One evening on a hot June morning. Lindsay got up and made breakfast again." after "morning" that should be a comma.

    There were quite a few things that needed fixing.. But a little revision would make it better. Play around with the sentence structure instead of "he did this, he did that..." It gets a little monotonous..

    Other that that, I like the idea, keep up the good work =)


  • tallblondie gold member
    March 16, 2008

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    An interesting study of how one finds inspiration from even the most routine and dullest occurances in our life. Good emotion. Keep writing!