Christian walked through thick forest , head down and barely able to manage with all the brush wrapping itself about his bare feet. He could feel the sharp edges etching tears in his skin but it did not matter. His heart, where once lived hope, was bleeding. He had placed his very life in his brother's hand . Those around him, the ones who swore allegiance to him, advised that he seek other council before he set his kingdom's fate upon his brother's word. As the walls of his castle crumbled around him, he heard his brother say to him, "He's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse's health, a boy's love, or a bunny's oath"...1
© Debby Sorensen Carlson2
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I love the last sentence. It was great. I think you are a great writer, you could turn this into a full-flegged story. Good Job.. Great Job... WONDERFUL!
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"He's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf, a horse's health, a boy's love, or a bunny's oath"...1
I particularly love that line; it seems that it will have unseen meaning further in the story..
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It's really very difficult to make a promise and keep it, especially if the promise involves the concept of forever. And yet it can still hurt people on both sides of it.
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a good story of betrayal but there is little explaination as to the events of the betrayal.
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oo i love this. i want you to continue!!
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Thank you very much. I do need to get working on this..lol. Thank you for reading and commenting. Blessings. Debby
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"Trusts in the tameness of a wolf..."
Beautiful. Keep writing this. You have excellent flow and vocab here! -
You should consider finishing this. I quite liked "He could feel the sharp edges etching tears in his skin but it did not matter" was good imagery. Please keep writing as this is a good start.
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Well, I have to admit sometimes I was lost. I think it'd be better if you just posted up the second part of the story, lol! But anyways this was a very good story and I'm happy I'm read it. Keep on writing!
Keep up the great work,
-Brian. -
I really did'nt understand this short story. Maybe I will understand it better if you have a continueing piece on this.
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i liked this first paragraphs..leaves me guessing and wanting more...hope it continues like that. great job!
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an interesting start. it leaves me with questions, which means it has caught my attention, and drawn me in, and i am sure it will do the same with other readers. i admit i found 'a bunnys oath' a bit confusing! LOL
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I really liked this little beginning paragraph. I think that I would read the rest of the story if it were in a book. Good job.
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