I lay in the dark curled tightly against myself, hoping to keep the outside from intruding .There can be no relief for this self misery I have poured upon my life tonight. I dared to open locks with keys I had kept hidden from everyone including my own heart. But tonight; as the moon rises high and the wind howls through the trees, I dare to venture in. Answers to questions I knew but buried, exploded like rounds of ammunition in my brain; shattering the myths I had lived by and revealing that I really am lost in the mire I've created over time. I can hear the whistling of the tree frogs and I know; they are mocking me in my demise.There just isn't anywhere to hide once you open all the doors to your own mind. 1
© Debby Sorensen Carlson2
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Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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That was extremely deep. Wow, I'm very impressed! At first I thought that something bad was going to happen to her, like rape or murder, but that it was her own mind...simply brilliant!
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But tonight; as the moon rises high and the wind howls through the trees, I dare to venture in.---There just isn't anywhere to hide once you open all the doors to your own mind. 1--- I simply loved those parts! Beautiful writing and a very profound piece, you deserve a lot of praising!
. I really loved this, we really were able to connect with the narrator's venture, hence it was a very interesting piece. GOOD WORK ^^.
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Like it a lot!
I can relate to this whether it's based off reality or just fiction. Our mind can be a foreign terrain we have yet to venture...I like how you described this concept. It was very interesting to me.
It just would've been better as a bigger project--I'm pretty sure it would've made for a great story.
Nonetheless, I liked it.
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This paragraph is just awesome. Showing sentiments in a perfect manner. Mind plays 'such' games. Well-done.
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Wow...that's all I can say...just wow...
It was so descritive and so well written, it doesn't even matter that the piece is short, its still mind blowing. Great write. -
wow you discribe mind so well in such a short paragraph..its really difficult to explain thing poetically ..ilove this piece of yours. well done.
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wow you discribe mind so well in such a short paragraph..its really difficult to explain thing poetically ..ilove this piece of yours. well done.
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Beautiful...
It follows a common theme that i often write on... check out my "Dark Ecstacy" and "the Blood-Lust of a seared Conscience" they fall on similr lines as this...
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Ooh~
Very descriptive. very emotional... Partially.
There wasn't any errors that I saw... :3 -
Good description. Nice job.
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I like it, good job and nicely written, I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors, so kudos to that, and great story, very enjoyable and interesting.
-Dani -
Very good.
Very discriptive.
I think you should change the title to Your Own Mind. I think it would be a wonderful name for a wonderful paragraph -
Wow, what a wonderful paragraph...
It's so descriptive, and I can under stand the feeling portrayed in this ^-^
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A lot of people probably don't realize how much is locked inside of them. I think being a good writer is about unlocking just enough at a time to pull the world in.
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there are a lot of depression stories but not many of them describe the mind so well. the only problem is that it is very short so there isnt much plot.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 1, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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nice.
this is very.. well written. Love the choice of words. like Murderous Gamer said.. this is very emotional.
well done.
-seth
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Whoa
Very emotive piece! I love the vocab here! -
I liked this "Answers to questions I knew but buried, exploded like rounds of ammunition in my brain; shattering the myths I had lived by and revealing that I really am lost in the mire I've created over time" good imagery. Keep writing.
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This is so deep, and it's so true. Minds are so unexplainable, and it can turn from happy to dark, deep, and crazy. But this story is very good and I'm happy somebody finally wrote something about this. Keep on writing.
Keep up the good work,
-Brian. -
Wow, interesting story you got here. It is so true, the mind is a crazy and wonderful thing all at the same time. Keep up the awsome writeing.
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a nice look into someones mind. its true that our own deepest feelings can be very scary if we look deep into them, and you have summed up this feeling well. i particularly liked the part where the tree fogs were described as 'mocking' the character.
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I really liked it. It was very deep and it had a lot of feeling. You did a really good job.
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