Cuddled in a ball, sitting up on a hard-padded cot, a young girl was waiting. She didn't know exactly what for, yet, but she knew she was waiting. 1
For the tides to turn, or at least slow down. For the sun to shine, or at least come out for a while. For things to get better than the way it was now. 2
Her father had died. Her only friend, the only person she truly loved, gone. 3
It was a sudden death and a sudden change of life for Carlie Walker...4
"Two times two is what class?" Ms. Patterson challenged the class. 5
The entire room echoed with the word 'four', and Ms. Patterson went on with her multiplication queries. 6
Ms. Patterson was a young teacher. Bright, cunning and beautiful. Every student she taught felt very thankful to be educated by such a magnifent woman.7
The bell rang, loud and clear. The students were dismissed to recess. 8
During this time, Ms. Patterson had parent conferences to discuss how they're child was progressing in her 5th grade class. Today a tall dark and lean man walked in and introduced himself.9
"What a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Walker. Carlie writes all about you in her compositions. Every time i take up an assignment, she mentions you in every one! Its quite amazing. You must be quite the father, I suppose," Ms. Patterson said.10
"Well i spend a lot of time with my dear Carlie, especially since her mother died. She died in child birth, so Carlie never knew her," he trailed off with memories of Tabitha. How beautiful she was, so perfect. 11
"Oh, I'm so sorry. It must have been a terrible loss for you," she sympathized.12
"As you can imagine. I'm all Carlie's got. Me and her, her and me. Thats the way its always been. We've been through some rough times but we somehow made it through every one of them. Thank God," he said.13
The meeting went on for the remainder of the students' recess time. Mr. Walker requested to take Carlie home early to go watch a baseball game. He was granted permission and off they went, driving down the road in his '68 baby blue ford truck. 14
"Are we gonna watch the Cardinals play, daddy?" Carlie asked.15
"Well of course we are, honey. Who else would we root for?" 16
All along the way to the stadium, they chatted and giggled, and teased and tormented, having fun even before they got to the game. 17
They bought the tickets and sat down in the bleachers waiting for the game to start. Carlie got some cotton candy and cheered the whole game through. The game ended at 9:30 in the evening. It was a wonderful game, the Cardinals won thirty to fourteen. They hadn't lost a game all season. 18
Carlie and her father were in the greatest of moods and couldnt stop goofin' around on the way home. 19
Mr. Walker was trying his hardest to keep his mind on the road than on his daughters goofy statments. Soon he became distracted making funny faces and lost control of the truck. 20
The truck swerved to the left then to the right. His reaction was a little delayed due to his shockness but eventually he regained control of the vehicle. 21
Out of breath, Mr. Walker turned to Carlie and said," Carlie, honey, that was close. I think we better calm down a bit so we can get home with out killing ourse----"22
An eighteen wheeler rammed into the side of the truck. Mr. Walker was killed instantly and when the police arrived at the scene, Carlie was barely breathing and was rushed to the hospital. She was unconscious for hours and no one thought she would pull through.23
But her eyes opened, powered by the doctor's doubts, and she screamed for her father.24
The nurse explained to her what had happened. Carlie was hysterical. She couldnt- wouldnt believe it. Never. Head in her hands, she cried and cried.25
Cuddled in a ball, sitting up on a hard-padded cot, a young girl was waiting. She didn't know exactly what for, yet, but she knew she was waiting.26
The driver was high and had just finished a six-pack of beer. He was later arrested and was put in prison for 50 years for unintentional manslaughter and drinking and driving. He was put up for bail for 3.5 million dollars but he couldnt afford it. 27
Author notes
i actually know this girl...
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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"the way it as now" it/they cos "things" is a plural noun.
Oh, poor thing...This is exactly why I feel that drinking is the stupidest thing in the world! Even when you try it a little, you get addicted!
T
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Awesome
wow- this made me cry! Very real happenings, unfortunately! sending out a prayer for that little girl! God bless her and keep her! I only pray that she has someone just as wonderful to take care of her now.....beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, overall: 9, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Wow
Wow. This is terrible. It was well written, though the word "I" wasn't capitalized - should be.
What really struck me though, was your author's comments. I know that must be tough and I hope she can get through this without too much pain.
Isn't life an ironic thing? There's a lot of irony, yes.
Anyway, as far as writing goes, I think you did good with this. It gripped me and I read it all the way through. I think it was also good that it wasn't too long. A piece doesn't have to be long to say something. You've proven that.beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, overall: 7, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 3.


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