Silently moving onward2
Hallowed beings of fantastical renowned.3
She was Ash, a mistress of construction and formation. From her lonely, forgotten tower at the coast she could see the ocean waves crash against the rocky base of her home. Her hair was a deep gray, almost white, though various strands were darker highlights. Her eyes were a lighter shade of her hair and her skin was pale. She wore a robe of black and silver with hints of red and orange around the hem. She was young, her face thin and serious. And she was being hunted.4
Through you I will 5
Eliminate the6
Abstract7
Renderings of a blasphemer8
He was Tear, a master of destruction and reformation. His proper title was 'The Lord's tool of destruction of Blasphemy and Proper Formation."His hair was a dingy, greasy off white. His hard, thin face was dirty and pockmarked. He wore black armor with a white cape bearing the Lord's red circle. He was a servant of the Grand Church and his dark eyes peered up at the tower.9
"Blasphemer! Come down and I shall spare your soul in the name of the Lord so you might beg His Divine forgiveness"10
Ash peered out her window, arching her brow. "why would I come to my death, good scoundrel?"11
"To better serve our One True Lord!" Tear cried back, shouting over the roar of the waves.12
"Your true Lord!" Ash returned with a scowl. She turned to the fireplace, which burned each night to keep away the chill. Now it was cold and dead. Ash's glare softened as she saw the remains of the log. 13
She lifted her hands and moved them in intricate, delicate motions. The ash rose at her call, moving and forming, though she did not touch it. The ash bound together and began to take the shape of a raven. This was her craft. Construction and formation. When she was through, a raven sat. It blinked and ash fell from its eyes, leaving gleaming black orbs. The bird shook ad a fine layer of dust fell from him14
"Go!" Ash commanded and the raven took to the wing, pausing on the window sill. It let out a caw and leapt from the ledge. As it did so more of its ilk rose from the pile of ashes and joined their brother in the swarm.15
Rendered beings of16
Ashen beginnings come.17
Vile beings,18
Especially in their damnation.19
No more shall they disrupt!20
"What is she doing?" Tear growled, squinting against the sun's glare. Then the ravens came, swarming around the Lord's Tool, pecking and tearing at his flesh and clothes. Tear cried out, swiping at the ashen creatures. Where his hand would touch the ash would fall and the bird would be disabled.21
"Bastards!" Tear swore and rose his hand. He moved them in complex, harsh motions. Around him the moss rose up, twisting and turning brown as he began to take the shape of an over-large cat. This was his craft. Destruction and reformation. The cat shook itself and leapt up a the nearest bird, causing it fall apart.22
Creature of moss23
Abnormal servant of24
The Lord.25
Moss and ash did battle, soon leaving the cat the victor. Tear laughed, dark eyes glittering. 26
"I have defeated your sinful creations, Lady Blasphemer! Come down and still I shall spare your soul the damnation it deserves truly!" Silence met his request. But soon Ash appeared in the window. She spat. "That is what I think of your Lord!"27
"To the fires with you, then!" Tear cried, raising his hands. The ground trembled and shook. Ash's tower swayed and tipped. "May the One Great Lord pity you, sinner!" Tear laughed as the tower came tumbling downward. He realized, too late, that the great stones were not falling to the ocean as he had planned. A scream echoed as Ash fell with her beloved tower. A strangled yell escaped Tear as the massive blocks collapsed upon him. 28
Two great masters of their crafts. Both buried in the rubble. As the dust settled a lone ashen raven let out a caw and an overlarge cat yowled atop an outlying block. The two monstrosities looked at one another. Their masters were gone.29
Destined to30
Explore greater lands31
And32
Determined to continue the war.33
Author notes
I've had this written for a while and just finally got it posted here. Go me! ^^ I liked the idea of poems (acrostics) and a story combined. So voi la!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Wow...very well-done. Wonder what she did to be ranked a "blasphemer". XD
Great read -
This is a very amazing piece you have written. It is very unique, different. This is a very magical piece. I truly enjoyed reding it. I think that the ammount of detail you have added is perfect for the way you want this story to come across your readers. The language is great too. Overall this is a really great story.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Well that's just loverly
Wow, this is pretty cool. I love the way you use language, it's so intricate. I also love the imagery at the end of it. I'd love this story to be longer though, I'd like to know the history of these characters because they're very interesting. I haven't even read the other comments but I can tell that at least one of them will say "more description". Don't. I really hate hearing that when I get comments because I personally believe that too much description takes away from the story. Let the viewer do some of the work, it usually makes it more interesting. Nice job -
Quite interesting. I have not come across this style of writing before. You have combined the two to tell your story very well.
A bit more of description esp of the setting and background can add to the strength of the style. Hope youw write more of this kind.
Well done.

beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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nice story
bit hard for me to keep up with the words and language but never the less still enjoyable you have a way with your words may be not quite upto my taste cos it was hard for me to understand but well done any way -
Very good!
This was a very nice pros. I really liked the characters in the story. I espeically liked Ash and how she had manipulated the ash in the fire place and it kind of got me thinking that it seems she was wishing she too can be transformed into a bird and fly away. At least, that was my thought on that section. There were a few grammar errors where you forgot, like, two words in a sentence but those are easily forgiven and you still know what you are reading with or without those words.beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, overall: 9/10 - Feature story - 2 left, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.




