Baker Chanhassen is like any other fifteen-year-old vampire. Honest. He studies, hangs with his friends, gets scared by peer pressure, and even lies to his teachers. The world is a human-less utopia for vampires. As their culture grows and prospers some of the vampires disappear without warning. When Baker reaches his sixteenth birthday he starts to notice things about the world around him…dark things that he would have never suspected in his darkest nightmares.1
Author notes
i'll start writing it buy the end of the month
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
This is interesting and includes a lot of foreshadowing. Please post the rest of the story, I'd love to read it!
-
um u have had this up since march of '06... long time eh?
-
I think its interesting, but I'm not really excited about the character being a vampire. I feel like there's a lot of vampire stories out there. Just make him an interesting vampire, maybe make him different. Is he secretly the leader of the vampires? Is he a vampire who's looking for a cure from being a vampire?
Best of luck for the upcoming story. I really like the name of your character, and he seems like he has a lot of life lessons ahead of him!
-
I like the perspective your giving to the story. I can't wait to read it, it looks like you've also posted this before the twilight craze, good on you and good luck!
-
I can't wait to read!
I love how you make this vampire world very easy to relate to ( like the peer pressure thing). The disapearance really intrigued me and now i can't wait until reading your piece!Maybe there will be some romance too? *wishfull thinking here*
-
This sounds good. I would like to read more of ths is when you have written it, unless you already have? But its a good prolouge. An interesting idea, with a humerous side to it too! Well done. Kais x x
-
The title...
Well, the story prologue is so different.
I sincerely thought it would be a "utopia", aka "paradisE", but this is just... Wow.
Not in a badway. XD
Awesome.
-
Ooooh, cool. I like this. It sets the scene for something that sounds like a good long story, and it does so well. You gave a tiny little taster of his life, leaving readers hungry for more, making them want to see what happens next. I wanna know more! Very nice indeed, and cleverly done to leave people waiting for more. Nice names, and good vocabulary. Overall, a superb piece which really made me want more!!!!!! Good job, especially for such a tiny piece!
-
Wow... funny any other vamp... lmao sounds interesting though and i will see if the rest is already written... hope the rest of the story is as funny and energetic and fast paced as this sounds... keep up the good work...
-
Lol, like any other 15 yr old vampire =]
that made me laugh...
-
Strange. Not really what I expected when I saw the title. I like the way the narrater directly talks to the reader, using the word Honest where most narraters just assume you will belive them as they are the only one telling the story.
beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 1, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
-
I would really add something more to this abstract, like more insight into the character, who he is, what he likes. maybe it would be good to change some sentences, to combine them and make longer and more intensive to get the reader interested. otherwise it is just another teens' story.
-
Nice summary for something longer. Continue
-
It is alright. It could be better if it was longer and you gave us more insight into the characters. Give us a little more dialog. Instead of telling us that he is normal, show us through different situations. This is a really good beginning though, and I can't wait to read more.
-
Wow, this is very interesting. I can't wait to read the rest.
-
wow..i really like where this is going..i like stories about vampires..great job..please continue
-
Yum, vampires. This is confusing and the only thing I really understood was how human-like the vampire is. Of course, he has to be...so that others don't know...Good job, I suppose ^.^
-
A nice introduction. it reminds me of a book i read a while ago about a family of vampires living among humans and just trying to lead as normal life as possible. i will be interested to see where you take this tale. vampires can be very interesting characters, and this seems to be different from the normal type of vampire story, and has definately caught my attention.
-
JOO KNOW I LUV YOUR STORIES!!
ja, mon.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
ummm, interesting...
look above lol:)
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
