Phone on the table1
Damn why couldn't I speak2
His voice, so soothing3
Damn why didn't I speak!!!4
I stared at the phone5
Silence now filled the room6
I pondered what I would have said7
I probably would have swooned8
Holding his card in hand9
I lay back and dreamt of him10
His beautiful eyes, his gentle voice11
Such a glorious sin12
"Joshua, hmm Joshua"13
The whisper spilled from my lips14
I dreamt about him holding me15
Strong arms around my hips16
Suddenly a screeching sound17
Then the radio started to play18
Alas, it was just the alarm19
A signal of the new day20
Author notes
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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OMG! That is really good! I loved it! Well done
-Crystal -
Haha that's funny--I have dreams like that all the time! I like how this was light-hearted, it's a pleasant change from all of the other doom and gloom stuff I've read so far.
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hmmm...pretty good...great at conveying emotions, though...love it...keep up the good work
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Ooooh~~
I can feel someone's having a crush on somebodyyy~~
Really cute piece that is very sincere to what we feel when we find a special person ^^. My favorite part: Alas, it was just the alarm19
A signal of the new day20
Was beautifully written, even in the part that is about an object.
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Wow, sweet and beautifully written!
I really enjoyed this piece and I'll definitley look into read more of your work!
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Awwwwwww, very sweet. Nice choices of words, and a very good flow. Keep this up, it was great! I particularly liked the ending, it was sad and sweet. Great job!!!!!!!
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This would defientely be a good relude to something more =]
I liked the unrhyming verse...
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Well, I have to say, there really wasn't much to this. Not enough to really grasp what she's feeling. Besides love of course. But I mean... it's just a snippet of time.
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the poem is fairly god but the plot seems a bit pointless, just a dream? still I quite like the flow of it, but there are a lot of love poems like this.
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 1, ending: 1, characters: 2.
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Lovely rhymes, cute poem. the beginning was really intensive and made me read further though i usually don't like poetry !!
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Lol,this is cute...i don't use that word often! Andi love the end, it made me laugh.
Keep writing!
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Lovely cadence. I especially liked ""Joshua, hmm Joshua"/The whisper spilled from my lips / I dreamt about him holding me / Strong arms around my hips" Nice.
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I like this a lot. I loved how you rhymed, that's a hard thing to do.
Keep up the great work,
-Brian. -
I like this. It was great and the rhymeing was very well. You done a great job, keep it up.
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another really great piece..i hope this talia girl finally ends up with the man she so longs about..i like this..thanks for sharing
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cute write! i liked this. i can picture the character there in my mind as i read the piece. it is a sweet and lovely piece.
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