Mazz, my source of sanity

Mazz, or Adam Mazzara is my real life best friend.  Actually I take that back, he's my brother.1

I first met Adam about 8 years ago. He went out with my best friend Michelle, but I'm not going to talk about her. She put Adam through hell, believe me I know.2

The first conversation that we had was me asking him to buy me some liquor. He was on his way home, and I was looking to get drunk. He reluctantly complied, and I got my booze.3

Then, by way of Michelle, I became to know Adam. We even had a few classes together back then, math and accounting. During that year, which would be both graduated, my dad was becoming increasingly ill. I was spending less time at school, and more time at the hospital. I already had enough credits to graduate, but I wanted to take grade thirteen, so I could go directly to university, instead of having to go the college route.4

This decision proved to be futile. My dad was getting released from the hospital, and was going back to the reservation. He would need someone to take care of him, so I quit school and fulfilled my obligations.5

My dad was alright for a few weeks, then he had a seizure, and would never fully recover. He was bed stricken, and I was devastated (I'm starting to tear up right now). I was only 19 at the time, and now I forced into a role that I wasn't ready for. My aunts and uncles were making all the decisions, and weren't including me in them. I had to go to the doctor himself. He told me, he would most likely die in a month or so, maybe sooner. Hearing that news, sent me into serious depression, one that would not subside for a few years.6

I was at the hospital 24/7, 8 days a week. I didn't want my dad to die alone. He was too good of a man to let that happen. I should mention, that the aunts and uncles that were making all the decisions, were seldom there.7

Then the fateful day came. The nurses and doctor's were now just giving him morphine, to lessen the pain. He was struggling to stay alive. When everyone was gone, I grabbed his hand and told him, not to fight it, that I would be okay. I wasn't, and nor would I ever be. I left and went home. Two hours later, he passed away.8

I turned away from society and went on a drinking binge to end all drinking binges. I just didn't care.9

I forgot to mention that during that year I was accepted into college for business management. So off to school I went. The green 19 year old kid, going from a small town to a big city. Things were fine for the first two months but the depression was too great. I was going to kill myself just like my mother had done.10

There was a bar that I used to frequent, and everybody knew me. The night that I was going to kill myself, fate intervened, and Adam came into the picture.11

I asked the bartender to call me a cab, like he did a hundred times, and off I went to do the dread full deed. When I got out of the cab, I wasn't at home, but at another bar. I thought that was strange, but I was here I was at a bar, I might as well go have a drink.12

I went inside, but the line up for the bar was too great, so I went to the washroom. Then I seen what looked like Adam. Adam really stands out in a crowd, he's really tall and wears a hat that not too many people wear. I don't know what you call them, it's either a tam, or a Barret. 13

After I went to the washroom I went over to where he was and walked over to confirm my suspicions. I walked up beside him and tapped him on the shoulder. Low and behold it was Adam. What are the odds, of two northern boys, meeting each other in a bar, in a city that holds a few milliion people?14

We were both ecstatic about finding a familiar face. We shot the breeze for awhile, and later we went to party some more. We exchanged phone numbers, and I decided to give this life one more chance.15

We started hanging out more often, and started becoming the best of friends. I ended up dropping out of school, because the pain and misery was too much. I didn't let Adam in on this, but I probably should have. Things in the city were too overwhelming not only for me but I guess Adam as well. He moved back up north, and I was soon to follow. 16

I went and lived with my brother, but that was short lived. My brother ended up asking me to leave, because his girlfriend and I didn't get along. So I was now left homeless. Adam let me stay with him for a bit, but I ended up living with one of my uncles, in a neighbouring town. We had some pretty inebriated times. Some really hard drinking. 17

I was starting to stabilize, but was still quite depressed. But not enough that would warrant a suicide.18

I eventually reunited with my ex girlfriend, and fell in love with her and her baby (which wasn't mine). That relationship was doomed right from the beginning. I've come to realize if it doesn't work once, then it's not going to work at all. Adam taught me that.19

I broke up with my girlfriend after learning that she was cheating on me. I went through another fit of depression, and was thinking suicide again, but again Adam intervened. He said something like, 'Why are you going to end your life over a stupid go no where bitch? Richard you can do better than that.' (now do you see why Adam is my best friend?)20

From that time until now, Adam has been my pillar of strength and voice of reason. He has a way of making things make sense in a senseless world. He's the kind of guy that will put his neck on the line for you. Well me anyways. Him and I are similar in so many ways. That's why we get along so good. I have only one best friend and Adam is it. But I don't see Adam as a friend, I consider him the brother that I never had. Our friendship is not a one way street. We both lean on each other when times are tough. One could only hope that they've got a solid guy backing him up. He knows that I would do the same for him in half a heart beat.21

I was going to quit all poetry, once, he talked me out of it. He imparted some serious insight, into the reason's why I should stay. I had some serious altercations with some people on this site. So much so that I would potentially harm them, if I ran into them. Adam reminded me that there are some pretty hurtful people out there. People who aren't happy unless they are unhappy, or until they make you unhappy. That's why that I am still here today, Adam.22

I've been through some horrendous times in my life. Adam will attest to that. Most people wouldn't believe half the stuff that has happened to me, but Adam knows the truth. 23

Adam himself has gone through some tough times too. But I'm not going to tell you about them. They are not my stories, you'll have to ask him yourself about the shit that he's gone through. And believe me, he's gone through hell and back. Not necessarily the same kind as mine, but equal, in a different way. He knows that I got his back anytime. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened that night, had I gone home instead of going to that other bar. ĀTruth be told I was going to do it. I guess fate as it's own reasons for keeping me around. It's weird how the world works sometimes, don't you think?24

Today, Adam is up north in Midland Ontario, and I'm in Toronto. Were both dealing with some crazy shit now. I sometimes question why the world works in such harmful ways, why do bad things happen to good people. I know the answer now. It's to solidify the bond that people have between each other. Some people have wives, or soul mates, or family. I have my best friend, my brother, my mentor, Adam.25

This one goes out to you bro, thanks for always being there for me, and believing in me, when no one else would. I wouldn't have survived without you. I just thought that you should know that.26

Your Bro for life,27

Rich28

P.S. If you are reading this, you should seriously check him out, and see for yourself what an amazing and inspirational guy that he really is.29

His link is on my bio page.30

Peace out31