by Andy Stephenson & Angel-Crestfallen1
On the continent of Yensar near the Sea of Enchellon was the Kingdom of Ott. There were rolling hills to the south and a forest to the north. In the north ran the Ekon River. The land of Roth bordered the kingdom on the north. In the forest of Roth was an ugly troll, short and fat with gray clammy skin and double chins. He had long gray hair and warts on his face. It was rumored among the folk of the kingdom that he ate children, and though this was not true; if ever a child was missing, he was blamed. Though the troll was ugly in appearance, he was really beautiful inside. No one dared get close enough to notice.2
The great King Gardom of Ott had a pretty daughter, Princess Lovella. The princess was the fairest young woman of the kingdom and her hand was promised to the evil Prince Devere of Dogdon. Princess Lovella had raven black hair and violet eyes. Her soft skin was light in complexion. The princess had been offered in marriage to secure a treaty between the kingdoms of Ott and Dogdon. The prince for all his evil, was handsome, tall, golden haired and strong. He was hated and feared. The princess did not want to go to him. She disappeared.3
The king sent out scouts of his army in search of his daughter. He was greatly troubled. The royal wedding was postponed. Everyone was mystified. She had simply vanished. Then the rumor began that the Troll of Roth had taken her. The rumor made its way to King Gardom. 4
The king sent for his most valiant knight, Sir Devonot of Maylon. "Oh, noble knight so brave and true," said the King of Ott. "Please rescue my daughter dear from the ugly Troll of Roth. She is due to marry Prince Devere from the kingdom of the north."5
"Oh surely, sire, your will be done. I'll quick be on my way. To this dirty useless creature no ransom will you pay," answered faithfully Knight Devonot. Knight Devonot of Maylon was tall and muscular with dark hair.6
Sir Devenot went en route to save the king's daughter from the troll. As he traveled, he transformed into a mighty fire breathing dragon. As a magical mystical creature, he could take on human form and spent much of his time as a knight. Only a few new that he was dragon and knight. Because Devenot was a dragon, the king had called on him. As the troll had magic, the magic of a dragon was needed to save the princess.7
The dragon/knight flew over the countryside to the land of Roth to face the troll. The troll seeing the dragon quaked with fear, but even so stood his ground. The dragon/knight, bird of prey, was huge brownish red with massive wings, legs and arms. His talons were very sharp. He had green eyes with bright red pupils. Great power and strength and a fiery breath, he shouted to the troll, "Release the Princess Lovella immediately!"8
"No, I will not!" returned the troll his clammy gray skin shining in the sun.9
"You have no power to resist me," said the dragon/knight.10
Princess Lovella stood between the troll and the dragon/knight and said, "Stop, I beg you please. I love the Troll of Roth, you see. I cannot love another."11
"Come now," said Sir Devenot. "You must return to your father. You are to marry prince Devere."12
"Go back to my father and tell him that you could not find me. I beg of you," said the princess.13
"I cannot do that," said the dragon/knight. "Come with me."14
The princess went to the dragon and the dragon gently lifted her into the air and returned to the castle. 15
"Thank you, brave knight, for returning my daughter. You will be rewarded," said King Gardom.16
The princess was in tears and pleaded with her father to let her return to the troll.17
Having no success with her father, the king, Princess Lovella pleaded with Knight Devenot to return her to the troll. The knight confided in the king her request. Finally the king said, "Her will be done."18
Tears of joy came to the eyes of the troll as he saw the dragon/knight returning the princess Lovella to him. He had never dreamed of having such a beauty for his own. He thought he had lost her forever.19
Together the troll and the princess embraced. They were deeply in love.20
"Thank you so much," said the princess to the dragon/knight.21
The dragon/knight flew back to the kingdom and to the king.
Author notes
Batuins Rock
Forbidden Romance
In a list
A contest entry
- 13th century by Pudding-zilla.
230 points, ended October 25, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Not what you would expect from them. by Violette.
170 points, ended May 30, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Choices, Choices by Violette.
375 points, ended June 6, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Its ok and I liked it. I don't see anything wrong with it. I just don't know what the problem is. Maybe I'm just not into this story or it didn't hook me. Either way it was still good but it didn't capture my attention.
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Hi there!
Well, I won't claim that this is one of my best, but it seemed to fit your contest about as well as anything I had.
Thanks for hosting and for reading and commenting.
Andy
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I really liked it! Although shorter than I prefer, it was the best it could be for its length. I would say cute, but then there were half-dragons and trolls.
Great message, that beauty comes from within, and is not always shown on the outside. I thought the dragon would fall in love with her, but the troll was definitely better.
Well, thank you for entering!
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Hi!
I'm glad you like the story. I think I might have done better with it. Perhaps I'll re-write at some point.
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I hope you had fun with your ccntest.
Andy
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In a strange way, that was adorable! I liked how the dragon could turn human as well!
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Hi Kagome!
I'm glad you like my knight/dragon. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.
Andy
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Forbidden romance...I love it! No matter how over-used, I can' help loving this genre.
A troll and a princess. Hmm, weirdly, kinda reminds me of Shrek.
You did wonderful with this and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck!
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Hi there!
I just noticed that I hadn't replied to this comment
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I'm glad you like this story.
I hope you had a good contest and much fun.
Andy
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Oh yeah, love dragon stories, soooooooooooo going into the finalists. This was great. Short and sweet, a winning combo for me this time.
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Hi Violette!
I'm so happy! Not only did I get a gold trophy and a lot of points, but I got one on Blondie
! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
I looked around while I was posting this in your contest for a picture of a troll that would fit. I needed one that was ugly, but not too ugly. I couldn't find one, so I stayed with the picture it had of the dragon and the maiden. Since you like dragons, the dragon picture was probably better anyway.
If you like dragon stories, I've got several. In some the dragon(s) get killed. In some, the maidens get killed. In one story, the maidens and the dragons break even, but the killing never stops. A couple have erotica tossed in. If any of these interest you, let me know. I'll be happy to provide the links
Andy
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Hi Violette!
My dragons usually 'Accidentally' eat the maidens. I had to look far and wide through my stories to find one where the dragon didn't get a bit hungry and gobble up the dear thing.
I'm very happy that this story is going into the finalists.
Thanks for hosting, reading, and commenting.
Andy
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Hi Andy!
it is no doubt sweet story but hey i was expecting more passion and story ...ending was bit sudden so i am still feeling starving ...come on you know how i love the romantic stories and i wanted more in it...but don't worry it is very cute little fairy tale . well done dear and good luck too.
Lavanya.
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Hmm?
I know you like romance, Lavanya, but in fairy tales there isn't really a lot of romance, is there? Just the sweet kiss on the lips typs, I think. Oh well, this probably could do with a rewrite. Most of my stuff needs that.
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding.
You may note in this story, the princess didn't get eaten.
Andy
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yeh i noticed , Princess didn't get eaten...but no cradit for you , i know how much you wanted to eat her so cradit goes to Jackie.. but hey thanks you controlled your dark side in this story
keep writing dear , i love simple but sweet stories of yours
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Not bad... It's definitely promising.
I detect a rhythm in some of the sentences but it's not consistent throughout. I think it would aid this story greatly if you made it consistent. By which I mean, write every sentence with that same rhythm. (Not rhyming, just rhythmic). It would add a more balladic/"fairy tale" element to it.
To be brutally honest - which I think I can be since you've entered all of my contests so far - the ending was a let down. It felt like you started this story being really inspired but only finished it because you were forced to. Or something to that effect.
If there was something more to the ending - like, the knight HAD to return the princess to the king because he wanted to be rewarded so she HAD to go back but the princess HAD to remain where she was because she HAD to avoid the evil Prince and the troll HAD to keep the princess with him because he HAD to break a curse - and then you solved all their problems nicely somehow with that back and forth thing you're currently doing, it would be a lot better and a lot more satisfying.
As it is, the only thing you're dealing with is this sudden urge of the princess to be with the troll which I certainly didn't see coming. And what about the evil Prince? What about the treaty? What about the troll's reputation? There seems to be a lot of things you introduce but don't resolve.
Apart from all that, it definitely is a promising piece. You start it off really well with all the right elements. (I'm also amazed, Andy, that you write such a diverse amount of stuff).
So thanks for entering!
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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Hi! Myryca!
Thanks for hosting, reading, and commenting. I appreciate it.
Hmm? Needs work? Yeah, it probably needs a lot of work. Someday I'll try to fix it up.
I've written a lot of different things, true. Most of what I've written has been crime and horror erotica, actually; but I do write in other genres. I've been sort of hooked on cannibal/Dolcett style stories lately.
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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What a sweet story... I am glad the knight/dragon was good, I read a story once where he was evil.. I really don't like it when dragons are bad...
Good luck in the contest.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hi Artaq!
You like the good dragons? Most of mine are evil
. This is one of my rare exceptions. I'm glad you like it. I haven't seen many stories with good dragons, but there are two I can recommend: 'The North Castle Journal' by Anaya Roma:
http://storywrite.com/list/35216-The-North-Castle-Journal
And 'A Noble Cause' by IrishYndina:
http://storywrite.com/story/139748
'The North Castle Journal' is philosophical and takes one on a spiritual journey. 'A Noble Cause' is sort of a traditional tale told in quite a humorous, off beat, manner. For fun reading, it's great.
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause.
Andy
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* Awwww *
This is a really cute little story!! I love the idea of the dragon/knight, and the love story made me go awww!!
Thanks for entering!!
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Thank You!
I'm very happy that you like this story. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. I hope you have many good entries and a great time.
Andy
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oh wow. this is the best one in the contest. You stand the best chance of winning. Thanks for entering
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it. I really hope I do win, of course; but I hope you have many good entries and a fun time. I'm glad you like this story.
Andy
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Aww this was such a cute and beautiful story...I think there is a moral somewhere in here only I can't but my finger on it! It was very nice I liked reading it! *claps*
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Thanks, Vail
Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding. I am not really sure what the moral is here, either. Perhaps, 'You can't judge a book by its cover'.
Andy
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like a kid's fairy tale story
This is pretty interesting but somehow I think it would read better maybe as a rhyming poem than a story. There seems to be something about it that is just lacking, I don't know what, impact or something. Maybe if it was expanded out and got into the characters better. Good idea but seemed to move too fast. -
Hmm...
I liked this story, but I thought there was some room for improvement. I know, I know. You probably wish I'd shut up already with the improvement, but I'm anal!
One, you introduce the troll and the princess, but you don't tell how they came to know one another. You sort of skip over that WHOLE area. And, for a love fairy tale story, that's needed.
Two, there were a few grammar things.
I'm done. Wonderful write.
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Wonderful story, I was almost afraid you were going to make the poor princess marry the evil prince. I think this story could be extended much further than it goes though, so maybe one day you will write another chapter to it or continue it in some form or another. Thank you very much for entering my contest and keep up the good work.
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forgot to say keep it flowing
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i like this even better in story form this it s great story, i have to say, oh and they are called Dragonlords by some, humans/dragons, this is a killer story, you gave me a killer idea if you don't mind me using this as my muse
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