Our Dying Day

The cold breeze on my face1

Snow blanketed on the ground2

The moonlight on your name.3

The cold hard stone reminder4

I made it and you didnt.5

The hole in my heart6

I miss the way you feel7

Your thoughts next to my emotions.8

This isnt fair at all.9

One persons mistake,10

And now everything is lost.11

No more summer wedding,12

No more late-night talks,13

So now give something strong14

To drown this pain away.15

I want to swallow down the agony16

Of our dying day.17

Ill lie down and we will be together.18

"...Now I lay me down to sleep,19

And if I die before I wake20

I pray my soul the Lord to keep..."21

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • CallMeWhenUrRich
    July 24

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    Wow. This poem really packed up some emotion in it.

    Depressing but touching at the same time. I could practically hear her mourning for him.

    Nice job!

    Keep writing!


  • Neomaxizoondweebie
    April 11

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    Very sad poem . The last lines really packed a punch. Great job with this! It was very depressing...*sniffles*.


  • Tomotsu
    November 5, 2008
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    I think that this was a very good poem i am very into the drakness and ablivion stuff I would like to see more of it but i guess I should look at your page and make sure that you have more storiez like this but keep up the good work i liked they way you used the moon in your story Ill ask you to be my friend and how you were swolloed in agony that was brilliant so keep up the good work.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 2, characters: 5.


  • Embitter
    June 9, 2008

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    Ooh. I love the cold and dreary wording. The connotations have such an insane emotional impact that there's no way that anyone could ignore the feeling the narrator has.
    Very deep
    Very moving
    Very cool


  • terror
    May 27, 2008
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    Sad and moarnfull. the icy moonlight scene creates a good background for this morbid feeling.

    beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 2, ending: 2, characters: 2.


  • BeautifulKyrptonite
    March 21, 2006
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    This was good...sad, but good. I hope this isnt really how you are feeling, but I hope everything is ok.

    Muchlove
    Donna


  • toolittletime
    March 21, 2006
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    Good poem with a sad tale. Well written

  • Babygurl07
    March 21, 2006
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    GREAT!!!!!

    HEY! This is yet another great poem and i got to name it! YEA! You are a truly gifted poet and an even better friend! Keep it up! Love ya!

    -Brandy

1 - 8 of 8