In Stasis

This morning...any normal morning? I was tired..nothing new. So I showered, dressed, checked MySpace, went to school...the normal routine.1

Well, the point of this story is what I saw on the way to school, so I won't bother going into excruciating detail about anything else.2

I was in the car, staring out the window. As mentioned, I was tired, but I was in a car, I was showered, so I couldn't fall asleep. Instead, I suppose I could have been described as slipping in and out of a stasis..My mind would be gone, but I was still awake.3

So as I sat there, my eyes void, I explored my mind. I wandered through it's darkness and it's light. I briefly revisited past experiences..but, I'm not here to focus on that.4

What I'm here for is what caught my attention. I had been roaming my mind for about five minutes when I saw a figure. It's skin tone was pale, and it was bent over, so it's chin could rest on top of it's knees. It's backside was not touching the floor. It's head was turned, looking at me, it's dark, hollow eyes just staring. It's face looked so tired, so worn, and the baldness of it just added to the effect. It's skinniness added to the despair, it's body comparable to that of an anorexic.5

Now, I have seen this figure many times in the past..it tends to come and go. Today, however, was different.6

Today, as I watched it, the knife it always had clutched in it's right hand was doing something. The left elbow hooked at the knee, so the forearm and wrist extended at an angle, and the palm, clutched, came to an end at about the middle of where the pale, skinny legs touched each other.7

The creature, human, whatever it was, looked at me for about 30 seconds, before looking back down at it's hands, one in motion, one motionless. I saw then what it was doing.8

The knife was slowly digging into the skin on the forearm of the left hand, and peeling it away, much like a man would filet a fish. The skin was slowly peeling back in thin layers, and blood rushed to it's freedom, a puddle on the floor. It continued skinning itself, until about a 2-3 inch portion of the skin on the top part of it's arm was missing.9

It looked back up at me, the dark hollow eyes full of pain, but yet full of peace, calm, and serenity. My heart jolted at the thought of being so content with skinning one's self. But as the hollow eyes penetrated deep into my subconscious, I began to see something I had never seen before..I recognized something about the withered face, about the eyes of this creature..As it held it's gaze, I suddenly realized...the creature was me.10

It was a piece of understanding I had not expected to come across. I don't fully understand it though. I'm not sure if my mind is trying to tell me something or not. But in that moment, I was possessed with a feeling, an urge to fulfill what I saw this spectral figure doing. My mind is at war with itself over what to do.11

I shook, snapped back to a more awake state of mind. Only about one minute had passed.12