The year was 1812 when she died in her house and she comes back for 1
revenge again .said Kim.Wait miunte !said Emile.What's the name of this house again!said Rj.I'm a jinx !said Jack.What!said Sara.Mean he has badluck !said Connor.The blood on these walls!said Rj.Help me !said the2
poltergise.Don't awresed that!said Duncan.Ho my god !yell Rj.Run!yell Jack.There no ghost here !said Tom.Tom ,look out!said Tessa.He is dead !3
said Sammy.We are not staying here !said Richie.There a key in the closet!said Kim.A key a to what?asked Sammy.A door!said Rj.She gots guns in closet!said Jack.She is a ghost what's she going to shoot us!said Rj.4
Axe is coming this!said Duncan.Five hours we almost got killed!said Richie.Almost doesn't counts!said Kim.Where's Tessa ? asked Rj.She was 5
right here!said Duncan.Can you keep track of your girlfriend ?asked Sammy.No!said Duncan.What's that smell?asked Emile.Smoke!said Connor.6
Rj open the door!yell Jack.I'm okay !said Rj.Easy for you to say!said 7
Tessa.What the hell that's porpose to mean ?asked Rj.Nothing !said Tessa.8
We don't want chick fight!said Richie.There is passeage that's lead to the basement!said Rj.I hate rats!said Sammy.I hate bats!said Richie.A least you got something in common!said Kim.Apect for smart mouht over there!said Connor.This not fight!said Jack.Give your shirt sheelve!said 9
Rj.For what!said Connor.A troch!said Rj.We can see now thanks indaina jones!said Richie.You're welocome!said Rj.That's is good plan Enistine!said Rj.There is a box in here!said Kim.She was pretty!said Jack.The black widow !said Connor.she is here!said Emile.Run!said Kim.Look behind ,Tessa !said Jack.You knew me .said The poltergise.No!yell Rj. Kill!said the poltergise.Kill who?asked Rj.SammY!said poltergise.No .I10
won't killed Sammy !said Rj.Sammy put the gun down!said Tessa.No!said Sammy.Sammy is dead !said Duncan. Tessa is dead too!said Connor.We let the house called evil hill and she is still in the house waiting to killed again.Said Rj11
Author notes
Horror
oltergise kills agains!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I asked you politely to correct the illiteracy. You didn't. So it's deleted from the contest (or delted fro tconteist as u mite poot it)
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Help!
I see that you too are a lady of the dark and this story sent shivers up my spine.You tell an awesome story and the characters are interesting.Am not going to comment on spelling and grammar as I make so many mistakes my self but correct what you can honey as Edna is a harsh task master and I would love her to read this.Lots of luck.Elizabeth.Am now going to check out some more of your deep dark stories. -
spokey
This is BRILLIANT poem written in the style of Borat from Ali G,
a verry well spelt story abowt gohsts
Edited on Mar 21, 7:47 because ''. -
this is a piss take right?
from reading that I understand what it is like to be dsylexic. please, tell me it is a piss take?
if not please explain the following:
1: she dies and comes back for revenge again? is this the second time she's died unjustly then?
2: why the dialogue isn't seperated with " < these little babys
3: why the dialogue is so unrealistic
4: what is a 'poltergise'?
5: what is a porpose?
6: what is a chickfight? is it training for a cockfight?
7: why would a 'passeage' leads to the basement?
8: what does 'apect' mean?
9: why do they have something in common when one hates bats and one hates rats and is this integral to the story?
10: what is the story?
11: what is a 'troch'?
12: where can i get one?
13: who was pretty?
14: how did they die?
15: why did they die?
16: do you have a day job?
17: do you plan to give it up?
18: is this a piss take?
19: were you very stoned?
20: do you plan to get this published?
all in all I think it was wonderful, there are some great writers around, I think you should hone up your skills a lil by reading some of them. May I suggest Roger Hargreaves? He has a wonderful collection of books that I think would help you a lot, stick with them, they may be hard going at first but you will find it worth it.
Edna, please, read it, it is well worthwhile. -
wow... that was very difficult to read, and confusing. Sorry, might be a good story though
hope to help
SD -
This sounds kind of interesting. But please, fix your grammer and spelling. Also make it more clear that a character is speaking and seperate it from the actions. Reading it how it is now hurts my head. So please fix it.
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Did you read the request for correct spelling and grammar? If you wish me to read the story, please correct it. Otherwise it will be deleted. Thank you for your co-operation.
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