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He ran the bath and climbed on in. A small boombox sitting on the closed toilet lid, plugged into a socket somewhere next to the washroom sink, is softly droning Current 93, though when she comes in, naked body all porcelain pretty, and asks, "What are we listening to?" He's too wasted to remember.2
3
"Change it to track 8, will you?" he asks politely, so she does, then, in something straight out of Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, his next request, uttered in the same talking-about-the-weather tone, is "Now can you throw it in the tub?"4
5
At first she doesn't know what he's talking about; next she can't figure out if he's serious.6
7
"Dead serious - Get it?" he says, and he's laughing now.8
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She's crying now.10
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"If you loved me, you would."12
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And now she's laughing too, because all her life she'd imagined that if she ever heard that phrase it would be in the usual being-pressured-for-sex grade-seven health-class textbook context.14
15
Never like this.16
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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It is eerie, and kind of surreal, just the absolute mental-ness of the main character. I like it very much, and I wish you would have told us what the woman decided to do.
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Very very strange and pretty eeiry to. but I quite like eeire so keep writing.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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Whoa, main pointer, you mixed tenses in the first line! Leads to discouraged readers.
Niiiiice! The comparison to grade 7 is brilliant!
Well done. Keep writing, You just need some fine tuning.
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Wonderful!
Short but written well. The story was kind of funny. I've never been here but if I were I'd like it go something like this. -
Awesome Job!
Holy... I really liked how the girl's reaction definitely would have been mine. Very relatable story, even though I cannot say I have been through anything at all similar. I loved it.
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