This is the prologue to the story. So you know what Chris is generally like and how the party comes about. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. Also comment on my logo for this story, I'm pretty proud of myself it took me a while to make!
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Prologue2
The sound of Nirvana blared in Chris's bedroom. It was a Sunday morning and he was laying on his bed, reading Practical Sacrifice, a sci-fi novel of corruption and lost chances, at least that's what it said in the synopsis at the back of the book. He was becoming bored of the plot now - it was becoming tedious and boring. Chris was a boy who liked to challenge his mind and indeed, he challenged many others minds as well. 3
The sun shone through the window and Chris jumped; it was time for him to go to collect Adrian from Cathy's. Adrian was Chris's best friend and one of the funniest guys around. They both went to secondary school together and they shared nearly everything with each other. Chris was 18 already but Adrian was waiting for his eighteenth to arrive. They had planned to go out on a pub crawl, but Adrian got on well with a lot of the younger crowd so it was decided a party at Adrian's home would be more appropriate. Adrian's parents Colin and Martha Miles would be out of town, so the house was left to Adrian. They often left town to go to Florida as they owned a little villa over there. He remembered the times when he had gone to Florida with Adrian and stayed in the villa. 4
But Chris couldn't help think how much he wished he'd had an extravagant childhood like Adrian's. He never got all these luxury villas and trips. He was lucky if they went to Corn-wool for a holiday, as this was a treat. Chris's family grew up poor. It wasn't so much that they were poor, but that Chris's father Mark was a gambler. Not just a gambler - an obsessed gambler. He'd gamble pretty much every day and it wasn't just little sums of money, either. He'd got into thousands of pounds in debt and at one point his father had to sell his car and the gold crest which was a family air loon. Chris's father didn't care... He was a very self-centred man; he drunk a lot too, which is why Alexandra, Chris's mother, divorced Mark. This had happened 3 years ago when Chris was 15. Mark hit his mother a lot when he was a child and Chris didn't like to think of it. He wasn't that close to any of his family except his brother and sister. Zoe who was 15 and Andrew who was 21. They all got on really well and would go out together, whenever they could. Chris saw Andrew the most, as it was difficult to meet up with Zoe without his mother turning up. Whenever they did stand face to face, his mother always bit his head off. Questions like, "Have you got a job yet?" and "Have you got a girlfriend?" was always fired. He just couldn't stand it, so he blanked her most of the time.5
Chris hadn't spoken to his father since he left when he was 15. This made Chris angry, because his father had always promised him he'd be there for him whenever he needed him. He came to the conclusion now that he didn't care, he could get by on his own. But at this stage of his life, he felt like he needed an older male to direct him to the right path. 6
Chris got changed quickly and picked up his keys from his bedside table. He jumped into his car and speed off to Cathy's house, he was already late. Cathy lived in a cozy little bungalow two miles from Chris's home. Chris lived on his own and he was damn glad that he did as well, he couldn't bare living with anyone - even Adrian!7
Adrian stood on the curb as Chris stopped and opened the passengers door. Adrian hopped in with a smile on his face and a sheet of yellow paper in his right hand. Chris looked at him puzzled, what has he done now... Oh god, did he get laid? Chris didn't get the chance to think much more about it, only that he never had a girlfriend. This caused bitterness in his heart as this was obviously something wrong with him - or atat leaste believed so. Adrian constantly told him it wasn't him, it was just girls being girls... But he believed he new differently. Chris was a nice boy, but he liked things his own way. As a child he would dominate his little sister, stealing her food and toys. His mother struggled to control him and even when he started smoking at 14 she couldn't stop him. Not that he was particularly violent, or ill tempered, only demanding. His mother used to always tell him, "You have a bit of an attitude on you!" Chris smiled, thinking about his childhood. It was great, or atat leastost of it. Chris shook his head trying not to go into the thoughts that now occupied his head. He turned his attention back to Adrian, still smiling with some sort of glee.8
"Party!" Said Adrian, as Chris continued to stare at him blankly.9
"Party?" Chris asked. "Who's?"10
"Do you remember Danielle Simmones?" Chris blinked.11
"Neither do I, but oh well... Basically, we got an invitation to go to her 17th birthday party. I ain't turning non of that shit down man."12
"Why not, they'll be no booze."13
"Hot 16 and 17 year old girls man... I mean, I'm no papaedophileut I do like them pretty young!" Said Adrian, grinning.14
"Easy for you to say," Retorted Chris, "You could get laid - get a girlfriend - get anything from a girl."15
"Oh, not this again!" Said Adrian. "Let's just have fun. It's next weekend, fancy going out for a chippy now?"16
"Uh," Chris thought. "Nothing better to do but--"17
"I'll pay, don't worry man," Adrian smiled. "It's all on me."18
"Thanks mate, I owe you one." 19
"Yeah, I know." Adrian stated, "I'm thinkin what stupid thing I should make you do this time!"20
Thank you for reading. Any comments would be very much appreciated. Amended slightly as wrote this last night when pretty tired. Thank you all for reading.
Author notes
This is a prologue to the story of a 18 year old guy who meets a 16 year old girl at a party. He is an insecure boy with a sad and tragic past. Without ever having a girlfriend or having anybody show him love, Chris becomes attached to the young girl and that's when problems begin to arise... As she's not interested... Stay tuned!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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cool :P
this was cool
interesting read ad iw anan knwo more now
well done!
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Sets the stage well, but moves at such a fast pace. You might want to throw more details in to slow it down a bit and make it more suspenseful. You also start most of your sentences with your subject and verb... you could try using transitions to vary the writing a bit. Here's a wesite that can help you with this:
writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/trans1.html
I hope I am not offending... it's just that I'm an English teacher and this is what I'm trained to do! :-)
Good luck with the rest of the story! -
Ya, sounds interestin.
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Well I believe in commenting when I've clicked so I will try to find something to say here with some meaning. I just couldn't get myself into this, maybe due to the "younger" basis, I'm not real sure lol..the hearts and pink background probably isn't very fitting for a male based prologue...The beginning started off alright tho. I noticed some misspelled wording here and there. etc. Thanx for sharing the piece tho, it was a decent write, I just found myself wanting to stop reading long before the end arose.
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sounds pretty interesting.....but i had something to add Chris alot in, you should replace some of that with "him", or "his"


