‘Avoid weirdness in general, its often the cause’ 2
Daylight poured into a room, it illuminated the tiny dancing particles that populate the stale air. Slowly the frontier of morning light crept up the side of a dishevelled bed and smothered Dave. 3
"Arg……..aaeeeee!" he yelped as he was rudely removed from a dream by the intrusive sunrise. He never understood what was so fascinating about them; it got lighter then got darker. He always wanted to buy one of those fader light switches for anyone he caught admiring the suns transition period. He urged his legs into motion and excavated the sleep from his eyes. The first bad thing of the day was about to happen to him. He stood up, and it took a short time for his foot to tell his brain that it wasn’t happy, neither was the bowl of exotic Stew that his foot had recently become very close friends with. He moaned and with the sound of a badger high diving into Marmite removed his foot. He left behind him a spicy foot shaped trail as he dragged himself into the bathroom. He glanced at the mirror, he hated it, it was so painfully honest. If you ask a friend ‘how do I look?’ they normally reply with some form of courtesy and say ‘fine’ or ‘not bad’ or ‘or iv seen better on the sole of my shoe’. But the mirror is just heartless and cruel. 4
He left the toilet and made the trek into the kitchen, he swore to himself that one day he would move the kitchen and toilet into one room. He had yet to discover how and what the word hygiene meant. Upon arrival in the kitchen he spent a few minutes getting the kettle going. Then he sat, on a rock. He sat in mid morning trance watching the steam raise and swirl only to dissipate and be replaced by the next generation of steam. He shuddered, suddenly becoming aware that he was naked.5
"Errm hi, im here to...oh god?" Said a voice coming from nowhere. 6
In a matter of seconds Dave was airborne. This is odd for him because he had generally accepted the fact he couldn’t fly, but during this period of thought he ceased to be air born with a large amount of force, backward into a boiling kettle of water he had taken off the fire. After commencing in a little smouldering flesh Jig much like those from children’s cartoons, he found something to protect his wounded dignity.7
"Err no actually I have…" He glanced down he had a small book of ‘Ways in witch to prevent insanity’ over his groin.8
"Yea I suppose I am really, wait who? What? Ahhhhh!" What was sitting or squatting in front of him was a very large frog. 9
"Yea you’re probably wondering why I’m a frog, well I can explain," Said the very large and fat slightly hairy anphibian. Dave thought about this for a moment then nodded.10
The frog told him.11
Dave started to sing. Very loudly, as if trying to drown out what was happening in the few verses of the very originally named ‘I found a rock in my shoe and the forthcoming events that followed’.12
‘Ways in witch to prevent insanity’ Chapter 4, page 123. 13
When encountering a situation that may cause or be the source of a batch of insanity there are numerous ways in witch to act to combat the urge ‘let go’:14
A)Convince yourself your dreaming and crawl up into a ball and moan.15
Believe that its normal and accept the situation as if it were and ever day thing.16C) Sing really loud and imagine your drunk.17
The frog then did something even more odd, after committing this act of extreme oddity he flooobled1 over top the unconscious Dave and prodded him with a fat slimy frogish finger. They both disappeared. The dwelling was now empty. Then something utterly amazing happened involving a cup of seven-month-old milk and a pumpkin, but no one was there to see it so it goes to this day unremarked upon.18
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1(Floobled verb,to flooble [floo-bell-] this is an odd term used to describe the way in which large obese amphibians generaly move around, many masters of english language and zoologists alike have gone crazy in search of another animal that can ineed be known to flooble.20
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