Aaron

So much has happened since I first met you. I knew not too long after I met you that I liked you. But I denied it to myself and to Cierra, because I knew how you felt about her, and if I admitted it, it must be true, which would only cause me more pain. So when she asked, I said no. But the next day..I told her the truth. Didn't take too long for you to know either.1

We became best friends...buddy's. That's what you were..my buddy. You understood me and cared when almost no one else did. You were there for me when almost no one else was. Each day I woke up liking you more and more. I knew there was never going to be a way for us to be together. But I was wrong. 2

I was wanting to give up..there were days when it didn't seem you cared at all. That Monday came...I hate that day..it and the whole next week Âare quite a blur. I just remember coming home..I was actually in a good mood that day..but when I came home...everything went down hill. I remember I wasn't getting along with my parents. How non surprising. I remember reading a poem you wrote...everyone had been saying you liked me...of course I said you didn't...but I was starting to think..maybe you did...but I read that poem...and it seemed I was getting my hopes up for no reason at all..cause Cierra was still in the way. I couldn't take it anymore and I...you know. I Âdon't remember much after that...just getting incredibly sick and dizzy...and...I felt so close to dying. You have no idea how glad I am now Âthat I didn't.3

The next day..you were there for me the whole night. When you asked to see my wrist...I didn't want you to...I didn't want anyone to see it that time...cause even I knew it was bad. You started crying...I didn't know what to do...it was the second time I've seen you cry..but it was worse that time. That's the thing that stands out most...I don't really remember anything else.4

A few days later...Cierra said that I should believe it when people said you like me...cause she was like...positive you did. I still found it hard to believe. I was waiting for Valentines Day...where you were going to finally tell me what Sara said. You wanna know something? I already knew. She told me that night...that she told you to ask me out. And you said maybe..or something. 5

That's why the poem had so much effect on me. At DQ that one day...when Cierra and I were talking through her cell..I asked her if she really thought you would..and she said yes. 6

Then there was the day YOU told me you liked me. I WAS surprised..even after everyone said you did and all. I never believed it...barely did even from you yourself. But Âwhen Valentines Day came...I was so excited for the game that night. 7

You wouldn't even tell me till after the game..just kept me waiting and waiting and waiting. I must say it pretty much sucked...oh but it was so worth it when you finally asked me out.8

Everything seemed so...worth it..at that moment. Living seemed to be worth Âit..now that you were mine. But that didn't change much...we are both always still depressed. But we keep each other alive, right? That's all that matters to me...is keeping you alive. Because Aaron? I couldn't live without you...if you had never showed me how much you cared...I never would have made it this long. If something were to happen to you, to take you away from me, I'd kill myself. I'd be sorry to hurt the few that cared...but I care so much about you.9

Aaron? Can you promise me something? You've said many times...as long as I'm here...you will be too...but there are also the days where you wanna die...and that's all..nothing else matters. And it's so scary..knowing your so close to death. Aaron? Can you promise me...you mean it when you say you'll always be here? Can you promise me you always will be..no matter how much you just want it all to end...you'll never let go? Cause Aaron...when you let life go..your letting me go. I want us to last forever....we've lasted one month to this day..and we'll keep going...as long as you don't do anything. One month is only the beginning, Aaron. I want this to last so much longer...I NEVER want it to end..EVER! I guess I better stop this some where....but Aaron?10

I love you so much, and I always will.11