undecided chap 3

Chapter 31

Only a few days had passed and Michael was already growing sick from his detachment with Crystal. Michael now checked his computer, to see if she was on, at least a hundred times a day. Every ten minutes the thought of Crystal would pop up in his head and he would rush to see if she was online waiting for him. And with each time he went to his computer, came a miserable disappointment when he would learn that she was not there. Michael had loaded Crystal’s e-mail with letters stating how much he had missed her, and how much he wanted to talk to her.
Michael couldn’t stand being on the computer any longer, because it was filled with memories of a beautiful life. A life that, he unintentionally almost ended. Now, in order to prevent himself from harming Crystal again, he might have to diminish all communication with her.
In hopes of getting his mind off of things, Michael turned on his radio. To his dismay the first words he heard were “Change my attempt, good intentions”. This is exactly how Michael had felt, he began thinking of other ways he could have told Crystal he wasn’t ready. He didn’t mean for things to end up like they did. The only reason he even told Crystal not to wait for him, was because he didn’t want a chance to harm her later. Michael thought for a moment, then realized the irony in this. “In order to not hurt her later, I had to hurt her now. Was this the best thing for her? Or could I have done something different?” These questions were now eating Michael up inside, and with every song that played even more arose. His best friend had turned on him, the thing he had always looked to for an escape was now adding even more guilt to his already mile high pile. Michael gave up on an escape into an oasis of music and shut off the stereo. He decided to bury his head within his pillow, Michael eyes grew heavy and pretty soon they were too heavy to hold up, and before he knew it he had drifted off into a deep sleep.2

3

The sun shot bullets of sunrays into the tired eyes of Michael, as he struggled to wake up and keep his eyes ajar. Michael had now survived a month and a half without talking to crystal, and he felt like a better man because of it. He kept thinking to himself that it was making him stronger, kept reminding himself that pain is weakness leaving the body. Michael had finally came to accept the fact that this distance from Crystal was only helping him progress on with his life, teaching him the values of a relationship that needed to be learned.
By now Michael was fully dressed and ready to leave to school. On his way out the door he found that the batteries in his CD player were dead, so he rushed into his room to gather a new pair. Well looking in his computer drawer, he was startled by a loud beeping sound. He looked up and discovered that the beeping sound was coming from his computer. He then realized what it was. It was the sound of someone Instant messaging him. His heart began to race and he was growing with excitement. “Could it really be her, it has to be, I mean who else could it be.”
At this thought he went to his computer and began looking for the link that was supposed to have accompanied the sound. His heart was now racing with anticipation. He was finally about to talk to the person who made him happy. He clicked on the link and waited impatiently for it to load up. When it finally completed its loading process it displayed the image of a beautiful women who was wearing nothing but her hair coming over her shoulders and ending just long enough to cover her nipples. “What the hell is this, this isn’t Crystal.”
Michael’s hopes had now drifted down a waterfall and crashed into the jagged pool of rocks that gathered at the bottom. “What is wrong with me, I thought I was better; over her. I was feeling perfectly fine without her, and then when there is a little sign of her, I jump back into the mind of this mad man who can’t think of anything except her.” Michael was now completely frustrated with himself and he didn’t have the patients necessary to deal with it. It was all an act, one that he forced upon himself in order to be fooled into thinking that he didn’t need Crystal as much as he actually did. “ARGH, I can’t take this anymore, I need her and only her. I can’t bear to live without her another minute. I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I’m such an idiot, I had her to myself and I blew it. She was mine, willing to wait for me so that we could be together forever, but no I had to mess things up, like I always do!”
This thought kept running back and forth within Michaels mind, every time making him feel more and more hopeless. Crystal now owned the hallways of Michaels mind, and she had no idea, but she must have wanted to find out if Michael still wanted to talk to her, because at this moment another link had popped up on Michael’s screen. This time it was undoubtedly Crystal who was sending him a message.
Again Michaels heart filled with hope, but this time he knew his hopes would not be crushed, because he was ready to confess his love and regret to Crystal. Michael clicked on the message with the word “hey”, which was sent by Crystal, he began typing madly about his awful time without her and the conclusion it had led him to. But before he could send it, an ounce of doubt came into his mind and bombarded his thoughts. He was now wondering if it was a good idea to tell all this to someone who said they needed time away from him. The words on the screen began fading into complete white as Michael pressed and held the delete button, he had decided to just say “hey beautiful” instead, this way he can analyze her reply and take further action if possible.
“Miss me?” asked Crystal.
“Of course I did, how could I live without you. Have you checked you mail yet?” Michael replied trying to sound coy.
“Aw that’s sweet, but it smells like you pulled it out of your ass. As for the mail thing, my inbox was packed full of letters and it didn’t let me open it, so I had to delete everything without knowing what was inside. Did you send me a letter?”
“Yeah I sent you a few, you know to let you know that I was thinking about you.”
“Right, I bet you didn’t think about me at all, but oh well right?”
“No I did I swear, thought about you every waking minute. This month was hell without talking to you and I don’t want to go through it again.”
“That’s nice, but you know its bullshit. It’s ok though, you don’t have to lie to me.”
“I’m not lying, but if you don’t want to believe me then don’t.”
“I was just playing with you, I mean how could you not miss an ass like this.”
“Somebody’s getting conceited, but it’s ok because you have every right to be.”
“Oh, kiss it.”
“My pleasure.”
“Hey it was nice talking to you again, but I have to go, John is calling me.”
Michael stared at this in complete shock, he had no idea who John was, and had never seen Crystal so quick to leave because someone was calling her. As fast as he could, Michael began typing, demanding to know who this John guy was. It was too late. Before he could press enter, Crystal had signed off. Michael’s heart now sunk even deeper, he had lost sight of his gut and had given in to hope, he was assured that Crystal was his again, but she impaled his false sense of security. Michael now felt worse then he had before, and figured he was better off not knowing that she had moved on, but still, like a fool, he was a little optimistic. He still had some hope of John being a brother or cousin who was visiting for the week or something, even though he knew this was highly unlikely, he still filled his heart with these fallacious hopes.
After a few minutes of analyzing what had just occurred Michaels spirits fell dramatically. Heartbroken, he turned off his computer, and threw his backpack to the floor. The massive amount of force he had exerted towards the backpack caused his CD player to pop out, breaking the top off, reminding him of a lesson that was learned many times before-frustration only makes a situation worse. This changed Michael’s mood from being upset, to angry, and then gradually he emerged into a disappointed state.
In Michaels mind the only thing left for him to do was to punish himself by causing physical pain to his body. However, unlike most teenage kids, Michael would not actually harm his body, instead he would force himself to endure constant hours of exercise and forcing his body to limits no one would ever dream of. Michael, forgetting about school, went outside and began running to the gym, which was 6 miles away. He would sprint half a mile then run the rest of the mile. Every time he had completed a mile, Michael would stop and drop to the ground face first, catching himself in a pushup position. He would then do five different variations of pushups, 25 of each. When the pushups were completed Michael would then do four different variations of sit-ups, 100 apiece. He would then repeat this process another time before beginning to sprint again.
Michael found it almost impossible to lift his arm when trying to open the door to the gym, but some how managed to accomplish this task. When he opened the door, the fresh draft of air from the room blew hard into his face, freezing every drop of sweat that covered it. His now soaked t-shirt felt like ice as it stuck to his skin. He turned to his left took a drink of water from the fountain that was there. He counted slowly to three, in his head, in order to make sure he didn’t drink too much water. Michael pulled away from the fountain and licked his lips not knowing if it was water or sweat that was dripping from them.
“Excuse me sir, do you have a membership here?” asked a gorgeous lady, who looked to be only 19, from the desk to Michaels left. Michael was finding it really difficult to breath normally, his heart was pumping at what felt like a thousand beats per second. Everything around him seemed to be moving back and forth as his head was throbbing madly. This brought a smile to Michaels face, because he had loved this feeling, the feeling of exhaustion. It brought him some satisfaction because now he was going to be able to push himself much farther then he thought he was going to.
“Uh, yeah... um here’s my card.” He said while puffing loudly as he fought for the strength to reach into his back pocket for his wallet. “My wallet!” he thought, finally realizing that he had forgotten to get it out of his backpack.
“Sir if you don’t have your card I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Yeah, alright” Michael said with much disappointment. The smile had now left his face and was replaced with a grim look of sorrow. “I can’t even punish my self the right way.” He muttered as he exited the building and began his sprinting routine on the way back home.
--------------
"John, no, stop! Please get off!" Crystal screamed as she fought to break free from the constricted grip that was pinning her to the bed. Crystals face was red with anger, tears were streaming down her cheeks as she continued to cry out.
“Your not wroth it anyway, you fat bitch.” Said an extremely large man with an intense frustration in his voice as he struggled to pull his pants over the massive beer belly that hung from his torso. This simple task was made nearly impossible because his chest kept bouncing around wailing him in the face. “Your lucky I’m finished you stupid whore. Now I’m going to the bar and I don’t know if I’m coming back." He said gasping for air, sweat now running down his body as if he had just ran a mile.
“John please, I’m sorry, com back. Please don’t leave me.” Crystal cried while rubbing her wrist, which had reddened from where Johns hands had been squeezing.
“You better not be in my house when I get back. Pack your shit and get the fuck out.” John shouted before slamming the door.
Crystal began crying even more. “I should have just let him. He supplies me with food and a place to live, the least I could do is give him a fuck whenever he wants it. Why am I so sensitive, this is a lot better than what it was like back home. I should be overjoyed to repay John for taking me away from all of that. Even if it does hurt, it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be, and I‘m sure I will get used to it soon. I must keep these feelings quiet if I don’t want John to leave me and send me back to my parents.”
After wiping away her tears, Crystal opened the door to her closet, Inside hung many different types of skirts of all colors, all of which could hardly be considered clothing. There were also hundreds of pairs of jeans, each one different from the rest, not one of them remotely resembled another. However, most of her closet consisted of different types of lingerie and attractive attire. “I have to look sexy, for when John gets back, so he can fuck me and forget about our fight. I’ll show him that I’m worth it.“ Crystal looked at the clock and noticed that it was only going to be eight-thirty. “The bar doesn’t even open until noon, so John should be back any minute now. I must hurry.“ Crystal thought to herself as she grabbed a black lace dress that fit tightly around her curves and reached only a few inches below her crotch. She lipped on the dress, wearing only it without anything beneath, and then headed towards the bathroom.
“Ok, I have to give it to him, so I will need to take away the pain. Maybe if I don’t fight it as much he won’t be so rough.” She thought as she opened the medicine cabinet in search of the right medication. Bottle after bottle she threw to the ground until she came across one labeled “Demerol”, which is a drug similar to Morphine. ”This will do.” she grabbed two pills and shoved them down her throat. “It says it takes about forty-five minutes before it starts working. So I hope john takes that long.”
“Now I wait,” she thought to herself. “maybe Michael is still online, and I could talk to him some more”. And with that Crystal sent Michael a message.
--------------
Michael had just gotten out of the shower and was now laying on his bed, exhausted. “Damn, when my dad finds out I missed school, he’s going to kill me.” This thought made Michael even more tired than before. He grabbed his pillow and piled it on top of his head in order to get rid of the light source so he could relax. He had just about dozed off when a beeping sound alarmed him. He went to his computer to find Crystals message.
Michael went to the computer to read the message. It read, “Hey you”. Michael just stared at the computer trying to make sense of what was going on. He didn’t know what he should say and really didn’t feel like getting hurt by Crystals words.
“Are you there?” A new message read. At this, Michael decided to answer crystal, in search for the details about this John character.
“Yeah I’m here,” He replied, “sorry I took so long, I was resting.”
“Oh, that’s ok. I was just wondering what you were up to.”
“I just came home from running about 15 minutes ago, then I took a shower, and here I am now. How about you?” Michael asked this in order to see if she would mention John again.
“Oh I’m just getting ready, because John should be home any minute.” That was just the response Michael was looking for.
“So who is he? John I mean.”
“He’s this great guy that I met, he’s really interested in me and I really like him.”
“So how long have you known him?”
“I’ve known him for about a month now, we really hit it off. He’s great and really good in bed.”
Michael read this in shock. “she was still pure the last time I had talked to her, and now she’s lost it with a guy that she just met.” This depressed Michael making him feel even worse than he already had. Before he could come up with a reply, Crystal had sent another message.
“the only problem is that he doesn’t seem to want it as much as I do. At first I thought I wouldn’t like the closeness, but he proved me wrong. He opened my eyes to this wonderful experience. It’s great, he makes it feel so good, but I think I tire him out. So right now I’m dressed all sexy hoping that when he gets home he’ll see me and want to fuck me.”
Michael sat there motionless, he couldn’t believe what he was reading. Pressure began building in the back of his eyes, his throat felt dry, and he wanted to throw up. Michael pressed back his tears, and began typing. However, before he could finish what he was about to say Crystal had sent another message.
“Hey, John is here now, so I’m going to try to make him fuck me again. Well I’ll talk to you next time. Probably tonight when he’s asleep, because I want it all day today.”
“Um, ok. Have fun?”
“Oh I will. Cya.”
Before Michael could even take this all in, his dad had yelled for him. “Well Crystal gave me my death, and now it’s time for my burial.” Michael left the room almost in tears, he had to suppress these however, because he knew his dad would make it a lot worse if Michael was crying.
4