All For You

It still burns me to this day. I will never forget hearing those first words of when you woke up. I watched them take out the breathing tube and heard you speak. Those words will haunt me always. So many tubes running in and out of your body. I had no idea what to say. There was very little I could say, except to tell you lies. "It will be alright." But it won't be and you know it. Our mother wouldn't let me spend the night in your room. Said I would be uncomfortable. Well, I would have been uncomfortable anywhere you weren't at that time. All of this runs through my head, over and over. I could say I understand, but I'm not sure if that would be a lie or not. But I do believe I understand better than many others. I would always complain that you never talked to me, but you never talked to anyone. I never realized how much you confided in me when we would walk up the street. Not until recently ahd I noticed. Everyone is still in a titter about you. I tell them that there is no reason to be, but nobody listens. They don't want to hear its alright for the moment, the want to hear that it will always be alright. But it won't be and we both know it. It may not be that extreme again, but it will not be fine and dandy. Never again, and it never was. I just had no idea how bad it was. I know I'm partly to blame. Everyone in your life was. Yet, I don't feel guilty. It wouldn't do any good. I would just have to be a better person for you. And I am trying. I'm not sure if it's working, what with you being so far away but I hope it is. I really have matured quite a bit, even if it doesn't show. Then again, there are very few people whom I do show myself to. It's just like you said. I am hiding behind these black clothes and shaved head. You know too much about people. Our father says that I do as well, but not nearly as much as you do. Well, I believe I have ranted enough for one day. Always remember I love you and would die for you. Good day.1