A Very Short, Unfinished, LOTR Fan-Fic

(Legolas, pole-dancing)1

"Pretty, dancing trees,2

Blowing in the breeze3

Shaking their big asses4

Swaying with such ease." sang Legolas, as he pole-danced around a horribly annoyed ent.5

"Oh, come now, Treebeard!" said Legolas, now doing the wave against the trunk.6

"Diiiisssgguussttiinnnggg." came the long, three-hour reply. Legolas continued his pole-dancing and singing:7

"Under the spreading Entish tree,8

There I dance, oh, come and see9

Sexy Legolas, you will see10

Under the spreading Entish tree."11

"Le-(hic)-golas." came a low, unidentified voice. Legolas stopped abruptly, smoothed his hair back with his hand, and managed to form a grin on his flushed face.12

"My lord, Aragorn." he said, as helplessly as he could. Aragorn kept his fake, stern look.13

"I see your 'stern look' has improved since I last saw you in Gondor. What are you doing here in Isengard?" Legolas stuttered, trying to change the subject.14

"I told you I would be here." Aragorn said with a loud hiccup. "Crikey! I still haven't recovered from last night's attempt to conquer Faramir, or should I say, the many Faramirs." said Aragorn, not even comprehending his own words.15

"Well, it looks like poor Farmia got it this time!" said Legolas. He suddenly realized that Treebeard had gone. "Excuse me, my lord. I have business to attend to." he shot off, away into the thick forest, leaving Aragorn alone and lost. He could hear Legolas shouting: "Treebeard! What about the entwine you promised? I won't dance around you anymore...."16

Aragorn chuckled. Not even aware of his sad state. He fell, face first, onto the leaf-covered ground with another hiccup.17

*                           *                            *18

Gimley chugged down his meed in a very dwarfish style.19

"Any news from Isengard?" he asked the four drunken hobbits: Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin. They all shook their heads vigorously, then nodded off to sleep on the table in the bar.20

"I have some!" said Faramir, who had overheard their conversation. He dragged Eowyn over to Gimley's table. "Are you sure you want to hear this?" asked Faramir.21

"A Dwarf is ready for anything!" Gimly said, trying to sound tough, dispite his groggyness. Faramir sighed and rolled his eyes.22

"Legolas was attempting to seduce Treebeard again." he reluctantly said. Gimly coughed and sputtered. Faramir scooted back a little. Eowyn jumped onto Faramir's lap, flirtily. 23

"Tell me more, my lord." she said, suddenly interested at the mention of Legolas seducing someone.24

"I think it's about time you got to bed." said Faramir, realizing that he was about to give vital information about Legolas to his beloved Eowyn. Eowyn frowned, got off Faramirs lap and shoved her way through the sea of drunken men all the way to the exit of the old, run-down bar.25