Faith and Allan--Popcorn Mail

Dear Diary,1

I am sorry that I have not written in a while.  I have been so busy putting my book together.  I FINISHED SOMETHING!!!  Can you believe that?  I am not a failure.2

There is something that I have to write to you about.  Do you remember when "he" hit Truffles in the head?  He had that tumor and the poor little guy could not hardly stand up.  Well, when he did, he told Tiffany that Truffles went out to get a new girlfriend.  No biggie you might say since Tiff was four, she did not need to know he had euthanized Truffles.  With a hammer!!!!3

Something is eating at me though.  When the one I love died, though Allan denies it to this day and has threatened me by saying that should I ever repeat this, "You say it again bitch and I WILL KILL YOU!  Don't say that about my brother, he is not here to defend himself."4

A few things here.  First, he did say it.  Drunk but he said it.  I have been so terrified about this that I do not know what to think.  Am I crazy?  Was I just hearing things?  I remember the day he said it.  I was still saying it was not him who died.  He told me he knew it was him because he did it.  But, now he says no he didn't.  I hate thinking I am insane.5

How does Truffles play into this?  Well, when the occult conversation and the snake thing happened with Tony and Betty, (who has also committed suicide) there was a conversation about his death.  The general consensus that night at the farm was that he was killed by a jealous husband.  Go figure!!6

Last spring, before I gave up living alone, I went to check my mail.  There was a popcorn bag in the box--With a dead rat in it.  I have always been bothered by that.  Since Allan calls me that because of going to jail for beating me up, I thought it a warning.  Yet, I often think it a message of deeper meaning.7

I found a little gray Trufflestoo Beany Baby this week and every since, I am so troubled by all of this.  What do I do?  Why does this keep haunting me?8

I know you do not know about the stuff with the snake at the farm but it involved me getting horseshoes thrown at me, chased by a four wheeler and terrified worse than I have ever been.  If girls want them down their shirts or boyfriends want them inside of her, I wish to never know.  9

I am so crying as I write this.  He was so cruel.  Especially knowing how I am about them.  I do not care why the treasury department puts the pyramid on the dollar bill.  I do not care that you had a Ouija board.  I do not care who you share your partners with.  I just choose not to be involved.  10

I am shaking when I think that he may have actually been the one to do that to his own brother none the less.  After running from Allan for so long that day he chased me with the machete' out there--and it was supposedly a joke--while he and his friends laughed at me(it was Steve M and Pat B in case I do end up dead for writing this).  A FREAKIN' JOKE!!!  I hardly think so!!11

Anyway, I just want to say, I do think him capable of such horrors and he did leave to walk him  to his cousins that day.  The last one I knew to be with him.  12

I have had to learn to let it go.  I fear that now, I really will be in big trouble.  But, I had to write about this.  He can not keep controlling my mind.  I have been almost afraid to check the mail since I found Trufflestoo as no one knows where he came from.  Really, I am.13

What do I do?14

Faith15