Leia - in progress

'You've been questioning whether you'll ever have enough money to get the things you want and need.'1

Her eyes fell forward to the floor, where the other remnants of Sunday's paper lay, spread out in front of her, back against the wall in her apartment, or what could be called an apartment but was better described as a hovel, a little sack of dirt with a dirty mattress, garbage and a toilet somewhere. She sat on the floor beside the trace of a fireplace, her knees brought up to her chin, boots almost reaching her kneecaps, with an old tube of lipstick in her hand, circling the wanted ads. Somewhere she had stumbled across the horoscopes; Taurus had been strangely accurate, and she was a Leo.2

She brought the paper away from her face, so she could look at it as a whole as opposed to a lot of little words. Six red circles stood out, six ways to make a little cash, six ways to save her soul in getting her life back on track. Remembering how she'd gotten here was a luxury she couldn't afford anymore; when she'd realized her bank account was roughly a thou overdrawn, her friends were gone and apartment empty and decrepit, she drew back into herself, and stayed there for a good three weeks. When she pulled back the curtains and let London's grey atmosphere poke in through the window, she woke up and all of a sudden decided to change it. Living amongst apple cores and empty beer bottles was all well and good for the depressed or mentally unstable - but Leia didn't consider herself either of these things, so she refused to act as such.3

She looked around her apartment, and decided that since it was only eleven in the morning, she might as well go for a walk. She walked into the bathroom, ran the water until it was as close to clear as it was going to get and rubbed it into her nails to get the dirt out, then scrubbed her face with her palms and the cloudy water. She dried her face off on the bottom of her t-shirt, and then looked at herself. Worryingly thin, possibly because of the extreme lack of appetite over the past three weeks. Her blue eyes sprung out of her head, they looked big and scared, empty. Her lips were tight and pale; but then, they always had been. Overall, she thought she looked pretty awful, and that couldn't be helped, so she straightened her short skirt, grabbed a sweater and zipped it up to cover the water stain, and left the house.4

It was grey and dirty outside in London, just like it always was. What little trees there were had died or were dying, and the leaves were that monotonous grey that was everywhere. The wind blew just enough to pick the garbage on the ground up, spin it around, and set it back down. The apartments beside her were torn and dirty, with drying clothes hanging from every ledge and cracks and dirt showing on the walls. Still, Leia didn't mind it, she didn't really notice it. Maybe she was used to it, maybe she didn't really care. The sun peeked out for a second, decided it didn't like what it saw, and went back behind the clouds, just as Leia was pulling up her sleeves and removing her hood. As soon as it was gone, though, she restored these.5

Hands jammed in her pockets, she kept her head down, her long, lank brown hair coming down over her shoulders. Her boots made small squeaking sounds when she took steps, and a mother with a [pram] stared as she passed, her baby sucking contentedly on a [pacifier]. Leia was almost ashamed, she couldn't see the mother's disapproving face - it'd be too much like her own mother's, all the way back in Coventry. The poor dear - she'd warned Leia, 'the Big City can chew you up and spit you out, and there's nothing you can do about it, it's just how it goes,' and had she listened? Not a bit, as an ambitious new adult, she was ready to get away from Coventry and be somewhere with people she hadn't known from birth and towns she hadn't grown up with. London seemed perfect - it was too huge to comprehend and too full of people to ever know too many of them. But it had chewed her up, and spit her out. Now she was a little stain on the corner of Bond Street, but she was finding ways of doing something about it. This isn't how it goes.6

She turned left on a corner, leading on to a small dark alley that she was particularly fond of. It wasn't a bad alley, nothing serious or illegal went down here, it was just a random alley that she'd taken a shine to for no reason. It was dirty and there was trash everywhere, and there were stray cats living in the dumpsters, but it meant well and it had started out life as a perfectly good street. Somewhere in her mind she had related this alley-gone-astray to herself; a perfectly good thing that had been corrupted and dirtied until it was something completely different.7

The alley ended and Leia walked into the first shop she saw, and with a pound-fifty she'd found in the street, bought herself a soda. A bright orange soda with tiny bits of fruit in it and fizz coming out all over the place. It made bubbles in her stomach, made her feel happy and young again. Despite being 26, she somehow felt that her life, her prime was behind her. She could only make do with what she had.8

'How're ya.' she nodded to the boy behind the counter, the one in trackies and reading Hello! magazine, her friend Des.9

'Hey.' he nodded back, as she pocketed the change and left.10

The first stop on her six-circle-plan-to-life-recovery was her sister's house. She needed money to buy clothes for her appointments. She couldn't show up to a job in a short skirt, high boots and a hoodie unless she wanted to get turned away. The doorbell had that beautiful ding-ding-ding-dong sound, the one all the married couples get when they have kids.11

Mel opened the door, Melanie her blonde older sister of 30 years, Mel her sister who had poured salt on snails with her when they were little and lent her records, Melanie the attorney with two beautiful children and a devoted husband. 'Leia!' she cried, and threw her arms around her, obviously pleased. Leia hugged back, glad to see someone glad to see her. 'Oh god, come in, come in!' Mel grabbed her hand and rushed her in, sat her on the couch and called the children. 'Steven! Rebecca! Auntie Leia's here!'12

Their feet thudded down the stairs, socked feet on carpeted surfaces. 'Auntie Leia!' they cried. Leia had forgotten how completely and unconditionally loving family really is. They jumped into her lap, four and three respectively, and hugged her. But Rebecca, remembering either her manners or shyness, jumped down and put her hands behind her back, her plump cheeks smeared with chocolate. Steven had always taken a shine to her though, and stayed with his arms around her neck. Leia rubbed his back gratefully, her nephew was a gorgeously affectionate child.13

'Would you like a cup of tea, Leia?' asked Mel, and before a yes could even escape her lips, she had rushed to the kitchen to fix two so they could have a drink and a nice chat. Leia wasn't looking forward to the chat, or to asking her sister for money, but dignity really couldn't come into play anymore - she was too far gone and the only way she'd catch up was if she asked for help.14

The children were shooed away after the fifteen minutes of his and how-are-yous, and Leia and Mel were sitting on Mel's plush leather couches that the money she got keeping innocent people from jail had bought, and with Leia's boots tucked under her in the crossed position she felt most comfortable in, she felt as out of place as it was possible to be. 'How is it that a burnout like me is sitting in a family room having a cup of tea?' Oh right, because she wasn't a burnout - she had just had her limelight moment, and it had just happened to last a couple of years.15

'So, Leia...' starts Melanie, rubbing the edge of her mug. 'How are you? How's everything going in Leia-Land?' Leia-Land was what Melanie used to call Leia's life without her when they were children. Growing up they were inseparable, and both had wished they'd been born twins instead of three years apart, but Leia was more outgoing and had more friends than Mel, and Mel had always wanted to break into that part of Leia she could never have, take a daytrip into Leia-Land.16

'Not so good,' said Leia, figuring she might as well leap right into it. 'I'm broke. More than broke, I owe the bank some money-'17

'Whatever it is, I can help you,' Mel said, leaning over and rubbing her sister's arm. She had missed her protector role.18

'No, no, that's - that's wonderful of you to ask, but I don't need money. Well, I do, but just enough for a suit, so I can get a job.' She was hoping for the secretary job she'd seen - nine to five hours, and decent enough wages. Close to her apartment, and a big company. But others had been hopeful: mainly in retail, record stores and clothes shops, they would do, but she wanted the secretary one for reasons she couldn't fully understand. Maybe it seemed more dignified, maybe she felt like she'd learn more useful things like how to use a computer or how to put someone on hold, maybe she just liked the idea of sitting around all day taking calls.19

'Why don't you come work for me?' asked Mel. 'I've got a secretary that just left 'cause she had kids - she'll be gone forever, and I need a replacement. What do you say?'20

Tears threatened to come to Leia's eyes. She knew it wasn't much for her sister to hire her, but the very idea that perfectionist Melanie lost to loving Mel made her want to cry, hug her sister, dance around the room, personify the emotion she was bursting with. She hugged her sister, and said thank you very politely, wiping at the bottom of her eyes.21