Never Too Late = Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven...1

“You should’ve called first, Maddie. I didn’t want you of all people to see this.”2

“If you didn’t want me to see it, why did you do it, Andrew? We’re next-door neighbors, Andrew. If I hadn’t seen it, someone would’ve and I would’ve heard about it. God, Andrew, what the hell?”3

“Maddie, come on. You blew me off for some other guy, how is this any different?”4

“I didn’t do it deliberately. I didn’t do it for vengeance. I didn’t do it because I was jealous. Motive makes things a hell of a lot different, Andrew.”5

I was sitting on the edge of Andrew’s bed, his ancient, threadbare stuffed dog in my lap. Andy was standing against the closed door, arms folded over his chest.6

After coming home from Dylan’s and leaving a message with Jeremy’s housekeeper that finalized our break-up, I’d gone outside with the intention to walk over to Andy’s when I had spotted him in his driveway, leaning against a strange car, with a stickly, skin-bearing red-head plastered against him, their tongues down each others throat.7

And my heart didn’t break at the sight. It didn’t even crack, seeing him with another girl like that. Sure, I was pissed, but who wouldn’t be in this situation? He threw a fit and made me feel like crap for spending time with someone I’ve known forever, he claimed and acted as though he was in love with me, and then, next thing I know, his tongue is down some slut’s throat. But at the same time – it didn’t hurt. I didn’t want to castrate him and I didn’t want to slit the slut’s throat. I just wanted an explanation.8

“Did you kiss him, Maddie?”9

I didn’t answer, didn’t break eye contact with the stuffed dog in my lap.10

“So I figured.” Andrew took a deep breath, “Look, Ivy has been crushing on me for the past year or so and I always blew her off in the hopes that you would come around. I figured you had decided to erase Jeremy’s memory by moving on with this new jerk-off, so I decided I may as well give Ivy a chance. You didn’t even consider choosing me, so why should I give you any more chances when you won’t even give me one?”11

“Andrew,” I sighed and closed my eyes, “I’m not saying you should give me another chance. I’m not even saying I want one. But you can’t yell at me for spending time with someone else when you’re just going to turn around and do the same.”12

“It wasn’t that you were spending time with him, Maddie. After what happened in the cemetery, after the fight, if that had meant anything to you on a more-than-friends level, you would’ve called me when you were done being questioned. Even if it were just to let me know you were done. Think about it, Maddie. You were so wrapped up in this kid you didn’t spare me a second thought.” Andrew pushed away from the door and walked over to kneel in front of me. “I finally figured things out, Maddie. It may have taken me forever, and my final timing may totally blow, but I figured it out. You and I are not meant for each other. We aren’t, Maddie. Not even close.13

“I’ve known you forever, and it was easy to talk myself into thinking I was in love with you. But it was just the easy way out. It was easier to say, ‘Sorry, I’m in love with Maddie,’ than to actually take the chance on loving someone else. I knew you would and will never leave me, so you were safe. I also knew you would never even think to think of me that way.14

“Then, I guess, I talked myself into it so well that I actually started to believe it. Jenna started to notice that I treat you differently than other girls and started making assumptions. I didn’t refute her thoughts because I thought maybe it would get you away from Jeremy.”15

My mouth dropped in anger and I started to speak, but he placed his forefinger on my lips to silence me, then parted his own lips and quietly finished, “I don’t know. I let it go too far. But I know now that I was wrong. And it would be wrong to hold that over your head and stop you from being happy with this new kid.”16

All I could do was stare, speechless, at him. How do you respond to a speech like that? Seriously, how? So I sat there and I stared and the time ticked by so slowly.17

“Maddie? You okay? I really hope you’re okay. I’ve known you forever and better than anyone else. I know you want this new kid more than me. Don’t tell me I’m finally wrong…” he trailed off, rubbed his thumb over my knuckles on my left hand, stared searchingly into my eyes. “Maddie?”18

I looked at him, then down at our joined hands, then back up, “Um. Well. Wow,” I looked back down and exhaled. “Jeeze… seriously?”19

Andy nodded, rubbed his thumb over my knuckles again.20

“Well, yeah, I guess you’re right. I mean… Dylan’s so different, so wonderfully different.” I sighed and Andy’s eyes flashed. I nodded, took a deep breath, blew out, and laughed shakily, “Well, okay, then… then—I guess we’re okay then. We’re good. We’re fine. We are, right?”21

My brow furrowed at Andy’s hesitation. “Right,” he finally said quietly. “We’re good.” Andy squeezed my hands gently then released them and smiled softly. “Now get up and get going. Don’t wanna leave Dream Boy waiting.”22

His voice was tense, almost strained, but I was too lost in my own world of wonder and confusion to notice. I grinned and stood quickly, leaning down to kiss Andrew on the cheek.23

“You’re wonderful, Andy. So wonderful. You were so out of place to let all of that happen, but you’re wonderful nonetheless. I love you, Andy.” I rested my hand against his cheek, the cheek I had just kissed, and smiled softly.24

“I love you, too, little dove.”25

I laughed happily and ran out of his room, out of his house, and in a way, out of his life. I dashed across our front yards and up the walk way to my front porch. But I stumbled to a startled stop when I saw someone sitting on my front steps.26

“Mallory,” I breathed. She had her knees drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, and her chin resting against her right knee. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, her face devoid of makeup, and her eyes red-rimmed from tears of grief. I spoke her name again and walked over quietly, sitting beside her.27

“Honey, come on. Talk to me.”28

“I killed him, Maddie.”29

“Derrick? Honey, no, you didn’t. It was an accident.”30

“If I hadn’t told him, Maddie… If I hadn’t told him I’d met somebody else, if I hadn’t told him I might be pregnant with someone else’s baby, if I hadn’t told him, he’d still be here.”31

“Mallory, you don’t know that. Anything could’ve caused the accident. What you said to him may have had nothing to do with it.” I put my arm around her and hugged her close.32

“May have, Maddie, that’s the key phrase - may have.”33

“Mallory, listen to me – you did not kill him.”34

“Yes, I did. If I hadn’t lied to him, everything would be okay. He would still be here and my heart would still be alive and everything would be okay. Everything would be okay.” She dropped her forehead on to her knees as a sob escaped. I hugged her close and rubbed my hand over her spine, shushing her sobs. Then my hand paused.35

“Wait – what? You lied? What do you mean you lied to Derrick?”36

Mallory continued to sniffle and hiccup. She took a deep, ragged breath and smeared the mascara across her ivory cheeks, “I lied, Maddie. I told him I was pregnant when I knew I wasn’t. I told him there was someone else when there’s never been anybody but him. I told him I wanted to take a break from us, a permanent break, when facing just a few hours without him was agony in itself. I lied to him, Maddie. I broke his heart and he died because of it, because of me.” She paused to drag in another deep, ragged breath.37

As she worked to get her breathing under control and I searched her pockets for her asthma inhaler, I whispered, “Why, Mallory?”38

“Because breaking his heart was inevitable.”39

“How was it inevitable?”40

“It just is—was. Relationships never work. There is always someone having doubts, someone getting hurt. There is no such thing as always and there is no such thing as no one else. Maddie, when you’re in a relationship the odds are against you. The odds are always against you.41

“So I figured it would be best, for the both of us, if it ended now, before we started to hate each other.”42

“So you lied? Why not just tell him what you just told me?”43

“I tried to, Maddie. But every time I tried he would start talking about our future. And he was always just… so happy. So happy to talk about us and what our wedding would be like and who our kids would look like and what we would name them. I just couldn’t do it.44

“Then, about a week before… before, you know… we were at his house, lying on his bed, just talking and he started laughing about how so many of his friends are just—were just amazed by how strong we were and how we would probably be together forever. And I started to cry, I tried explaining that there is no such thing as forever and he just kept telling me that we were different, we were special, we would be the lucky ones. But he wouldn’t listen to me and I got mad and I left. The next day I had it all planned, how I was going to dump him. And I got nervous and ran to the bathroom to throw up and you happened in and for whatever reason I told you I was pregnant. I don’t know why, but it just snow-balled from there and I couldn’t stop it.45

“Next thing I know, I’m lying in a hospital bed and my mother is telling me he’s dead. He’s dead. Dead, Maddie. I would rather have ended up having him hate me than have to face life without him. But I can’t hit erase and rewrite it.” she started shaking, her breath hitching unevenly. I handed her the inhaler I’d found in her purse and she pumped it into her lungs. When her breathing was steady again she looked over at me, eyes brimming with tears, “I just miss him so much, Maddie.”46

And she crumpled against me, a mess of tears and mascara.47

To be continued...48