The Empty Church

I ran to the huge door1

Banging on it with my fists2

Crying to get in3

But nothing but my whimpers4

Nothing but my heart breaking5

Was heard6

I began to give up7

When a hand reached out to my shoulder8

"My child, what is wrong?"9

The preacher's gentle words soothed my tears10

I asked for the lock opened11

And with a single push on the wood12

The door opened easily with a silent coo13

I walked into the church14

In the pews15

I saw the members of the church's images16

Singing to the joyous music of the piano17

I saw myself18

Meirly six years old in my white frilly dress19

Singing beside my mom and dad and brothers20

For once, we were all singing21

I smiled and slowly walked up the isle22

Feeling the floor as light as air under me23

My hand reached out to the wodden pew as I looked in it24

It was empty but my memory filled mind filled the pew25

My sister's wedding26

The best man, the ring bearer, the ushers27

I looked in the pew across from the one I stood beside28

I saw myself again29

My white flower girl dress spun around as I twirled anxiously30

I looked up, almost as if I was looking at myself now31

I knelt down gently, reached my hand out to touch the ghostly face32

When the preacher's voice rang out33

"My dear? Are you done?"34

I looked back at him then back at the pew only to find it vacant35

My eyes drifted around the church then landed on the crown36

The crown of thorns37

I stood and floated over to the statue that hung on the wall38

I touched the wooden foot when instead of wood39

I felt flesh40

My hand jolted back to my chest in fright41

A voice rang out again42

But this time, it was not the preacher's gentle tone43

It was much softer and in a hush44

"Dry your tears my child..."45

I looked up at the face and my heart skipped a beat46

For an instant, a brief magical instant47

I saw the face with the blood trinkling down his forehead48

"It hurts lord...and it won't leave me alone."49

My voice echoed as I spoke and slowly folded my hands in front of me50

I gulped hard, waiting for my response but I did not hear anything more51

My eyes closed, as if they knew to do just that52

And my mouth opened53

Instead of a whimper of pain54

Words came from my trembling voice55

"Father...you said that everything happens for a reason56

What is the purpose of this pain Father?57

I do not understand, you create harmones and love58

But when it backfires, oh Lord what am I to do?"59

Tears appeared back into my view60

In the corner of my eyes I could see the preacher walking out of the church61

He had heard me62

I would have been overcome with embarassment63

If the tears and pain hadn't blocked my thoughts64

I wept in front of the cross65

Holding onto the foot that now felt like wood again66

Muttering the little nonsensical words I had as a child soothed me67

When the memories and tears stopped flowing68

I looked around to find that everything was dark and gloomy around me69

But my face lightened as my mood lifted70

I felt that same hand on my shoulder 71

And expected to see the preacher when I turned72

Instead, I saw nothing but the cross73

I looked up and a thankful smile formed on my face74

My feet carried me to the front of the church again75

Where I turned and took one more glance at the cross76

The ghostly figures had appeared again77

Singing to the same religious song as before78

My smile softened as I stepped out of the church to see my parent's car drive up79

They looked at me with bewildered eyes80

"You were in the church? We thought you were out walking.."81

Their voices were confused and startled82

While mine was soft and hushed.83

"I needed some time to myself."84

I left it at that and before we departed from the church85

I took another look back and prayed once more86

It took about five to six months to heal the original pain87

And I'm still healing from the other88

But since that desprate night89

I have never looked at that wodden cross90

At the crown of thorns91

The same way92