Five student archaeologists are heading to a burial ground rumored to be cursed with evil that lurks in the dark.1
Among these five students are three boys and two girls ranging from nineteen years of age to twenty-three years.2
Valerie is the brains in this covert operation, she is twenty-one and has medium length straight brown hair, she has studied Archeology and Genetics for six years, after becoming fascinated with it upon turning sixteen and going on a field trip to help out in a real dig.3
Josh is the smartalic who winged his way through the class bribing other people with cash to do his assignments for him, he is twenty-two and has short black hair, he always thinks of himself as right and no one can tell him otherwise.4
David is the lazy one who only believes in the logical, he is twenty and has short dirty blond hair, stubble beard, and glasses, also goes mostly by the name Dave, he is a video geek who is there to film a documentary on the things that turn up there.5
Samantha is the obsessive type, she wants to know everything about this place and vows not to leave with nothing, she is nineteen and has long blond hair in a ponytail, she likes wearing jewelry so Valerie gave her a friendship anklet, she has read all about the place, the myths, and the curse, as well as interviewed the nearby villagers that started the rumors about the curse.6
and last but not least...7
Jason is the leader of the group, he is twenty-three and has short brownish blond hair, he is pretty strong and has been on five digs, he also studied Genetics as well as Astronomy.8
It is five o' clock in the afternoon when they all start setting up their equipment and tents...9
"Okay one thing all the villagers had in common was that they all said these "creatures" come out after sundown." said Samantha.10
"Yeah and with this area being on desolate ground it is going to end up pitch black out here in a few hours, so we're going to need a bunch of those dig lights out around the tents." Jason continued.11
Just before the sun was completely over the horizon a lady who had the looks of Fatima came into the camp carrying a platter.12
"Hello there." she said.13
"Hey, you're Keelana [key.lawn.ah] I interviewed you in the village last week." said Samantha.14
"Yep you sure did, I remembered you said you and a couple others were coming out here to document the ~evil creatures~ uh well anyway I thought you all might be hungry so I brought you some Sukil Lielay [Sue.kill.leh.lay] you'll love it to death just don't ask what's in it." Keelana said putting the platter down.15
"Did you this special just for us?" asked Valerie.16
"Oh heavens no, you see the village may seem dead at night but that is because everyone is so scared to be out at night that they do all their work in the daylight and skip breakfast and lunch...then at night time they all go inside and eat all three meals at once." Keelana replied.17
"If that's true then why are you at here? It is getting dark whhhhhooooo~" said Josh.18
"Well like I said I just brought you all some food, I am not as scared as the rest of the town but I should be getting back now...so goodbye." said Keelana as she left.19
After they ate they had a sudden urge to fall asleep and when they awoke it was close to midnight. As soon as they all sat up all their dig lights went out, the cameras were on the ground, pointing out towards the land, and recording....20
Immediately after all the lights went out they could see a whole bunch of yellow eyes staring at them and one pair of red eyes coming toward them slowly.21
"Ahhhh! Somebody fix the lights!" screamed Valerie.22
"I'm trying!" Jason yelled back.23
About the time the red eyes was right on top of them Jason fixed the closest light to Valerie and scared it away.24
"Dude~ like what was that?" asked David25
"I don't know it looked like some sort of freaking cat!" yelled Valerie still freakin' out.26
"Guys where's Samantha?" asked Jason looking all around after getting all the lights fixed.27
Valerie looked around too..."Jason~ Josh is gone too~"28
Jason got up and went to the edge of a light and yelled "Josh!....Josh!"29
Valerie cut in "Samantha!....Sam where are you!?"30
Jason was walking along the lights, "Jos~" he ran into Josh and screamed.31
"What dude!?" asked Josh tired of hearing his name.32
"Where were you just now?" asked Jason33
"I had to take a leak okay...why?" asked Josh in a sarcastic tone.34
"You didn't see anything out there?" asked Jason.35
"Nooo was I supposed to?" said Josh again being sarcastic.36
"Look Samantha is gone, our lights all went out, and we were nearly attacked by something in the dark." said Valerie.37
"Oh this is so stupid, look Sam probably went to the village or something." said Josh.38
"Then we need to go find her." said Jason.39
They had an argument and decided to split up, Valerie and Jason went to the village while Josh and David stayed at the site...once in the village they went around looking for Keelana's door, they had split up to try and find it and as they came back together...40
"Where is everyone? All the doors are locked and nobody is answering." said Valerie.41
"I know it is the same way over here." Jason said puzzled. 42
They ran back to the site to find Josh and David totally ripped to shreds, there was blood everywhere.43
"Oh my God! What happened here!?" screamed Valerie crying.44
"I don't know...[he looks around and spots the camera David was holding, blinking showing that it was and is on and picks it up]...but maybe we can find out." said Jason setting up the video cam to watch.45
VIDEO CAM SHOWS46
growling47
Dave's voice ~Some thing's out there can you hear it Josh?~48
Josh's voice Yeah so what it's probably just some dumb animal49
Josh gets in front of camera and looks between dig lights50
Josh's voice Hey anyone out there! show your face wussy coward51
Josh turns around and laughs52
something screeches and grabs Josh from behind53
Josh screams54
blood splatters onto camera55
Dave's frantic voice Holy sh-56
static57
Jason and Valerie looked at each other...58
"Check the other cameras set up around here..." said Jason.59
They both started checking different cameras...60
"Over here!" yells Valerie 61
Jason runs over and she sets up the tape again to watch...62
VIDEO CAM SHOWS63
growling64
Dave's voice ~Some thing's out there can you hear it Josh?~65
Josh's voice Yeah so what it's probably just some dumb animal66
Josh leaves cameras sight67
Josh's voice Hey anyone out there! show your face wussy coward68
Josh laughs69
something screeches70
Josh screams71
blood splatters72
Dave's frantic voice Holy sh-ahhhhhhhhhhhh!73
creature comes up to camera growling74
bears teeth drenched needle sharp teeth75
eyes glow green76
loud screech77
creature turns and leaves78
Valerie stopped the camera as the monster was leaving.79
"Look there...[she points to it's back ankle and looks at Jason]...that's the same charm anklet I gave Samantha before we came up here..." said Valerie starting to panic.80
"Are you saying that that thing is Sam?" asked Jason.81
"I don't know I just..."82
Valerie stopped talking when she heard growling behind her and they both turned around to see the green eyed creature standing there next to the red eyed one and the pack of yellow eyed ones behind them, they knew there was no way out and the creatures attacked and killed them both...83
[Fade to black]84
In the morning as the sun came up the creatures who were then sleeping transformed...the green eyed one was in fact Samantha, the red eyed leader was Keelana, and all the yellow eyed ones were the townsfolk...85
Four Years Later....86
Five collage kids are going camping in the woods near a little forgotten village...and so it continues...87
THE END...?88
Author notes
Okay here is my best attempt at another story.
hope you like it
A contest entry
- Supernatural Supreme by metcher.
103 points, ended September 1, 2006, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Umm...
This is a bit of a strange story. It doesn't make a lot of sense and the ending doesn't really tie up the loose ends. You had me a bit confused when you said they were yellow eyes then the red eyes were nearly upon them.
The introduction of five charcters at the start is a bit mind blowing and it bomabards the reader so they don't really remember anything.
I did like the story in some ways though. It does have a sense of suspicion in it. It is mildly scary but i would put some more work into making it darker and scarier.
Storywrite was made so authors could critique on other author's stories. Please don't take this personally, if you think i am just putting your story down. Just trying to help.
I would like to see a second part!!!beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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SWEET! AWESOME FREAKIN BACKROUND THIS WAS A GREAT WRITE
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Oooh, creepy, I like it ? But will my class, dunh dunh dunh, I'll let you know. Good write!!
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good
this deserves an applause

