Fighting, Fucking and Farting1
I drove until the first signs of light peaked at us over the horizon and allowed rays of sunshine to wink at us. I loved it when I drove through one, the car would light up in sheer brilliance and I’d be so blinded I’d almost veer off the road. We had to loop around South East to hit Albuquerque. When the sun had risen fully I stopped in shiprock off of the old route 666 and called Amy. She gave me directions to her apartment. And then we were off, I can’t recall how many times I fell asleep at the wheel. Thank God for grooved pavement. The only conversation that ride was when Val woke up and said. “I wanna go to San Pedro Mountain, take 44.” Then she passed out. Sprawled out in the front seat, bare leg out the window hanging over the mirror. I laughed so hard I jerked the wheel too far to the right and almost hit the guardrail. Nevertheless I took the 64 exit and headed East. I stopped at a gas station and filled up, and I bought a pack of cigarettes, my first pack of filters in two months, I got a pint of whiskey and a quart of rum. Then a gallon of water. Everyone was up when I got back to the van, hung over and some, still drunk moaning and groaning at the vibrations of the running engine. I laughed and passed the water around then, the rum. “Oh man,’ moaned Janet from a pile of blankets. “Now I know what a rotisserie chicken feels like.” Every head spun around to look at her and she turned bright red. “Longstory.” 2
“Well,” groaned James with just a trace of a smile on his lips. “By all means…” 3
“He was like 6 foot 8 and I’m like 5 foot 2 the rest to your imagination. And this was after that damned hippie chick who wouldn’t stop talking about Joel the entire time.” I took a big swig of whiskey and drove on. 4
You could see San Pedro mountain in the N. East all 10,000 feet of it. Calling to us telling us we need to have a little heart to heart with mother earth, and damn, was she pissed. We promised her we’d come up within four days and explore her body in a genuine respectable way. First however, I had to see Amy.5
The Rio Grande is an Amazing river on the south east side of the Continental Divide beautiful rocks jut out the sides and canyons loom over the banks in great giant godliness. “Fuck Montana.” John cried “This is Gods country. I should call my Grandparents and tell them.” Johns Grandparents were strict Baptists, but only to themselves, they believed all religions had the right idea and you’d have to have a strict regimented system to spend eternity in splendor and bliss. So they tried to educate him in everything from Zionism to Hinduism. “They don’t care what it is as long as I’m scared of suffering.” He told me. “The thing is I’m not. And that makes them a little disappointed with me. But since I’m only seventeen They believe my ideas will change.” I looked at him, 6
“Let’s hope so, A man can’t think the same way his entire life.” 7
“I beg to differ.” Said Val next to me, all men think the same way until the day they die.” 8
“Yeah,” echoed Janet “Fucking, fighting and farting.” 9
“Damn.” said James “I fucked so much I thought I was gonna die.” Then he farted. 10
“Dude, I was sitting right next t you.” Yelled john and jumped on him I laughed and tried swinging at both of them using the mirror. Val rolled her eyes. We got to the Coronado Monument everyone got out to look for phones except me. 11
I don’t like calling people when I’m on a trip. Bad JuJu or something. I kind of abandoned Vanessa and couldn’t really face her right then. And well my mom….Well I feel like a dick for not calling her so I proceeded to get real drunk in the van. I was anxious to see Amy and kind of worried about her too. She gets kind of emotional and tends to overreact. And when I talked to her she was so worried. We were two weeks late. She’s always worried about me though. I drifted off into a daze wondering about her, how she’d be jumping all over the kitchen cooking food for us and getting sleeping arrangements. Calling friends to come give us a warm reception. She was dying to meet James and had already givin me some sarcastic remarks about him. Rich pretty Sicilian kid from Brooklyn. But she has the same taste in people that I do so I knew she’d love everyone.12
Driving down 25 towards the bright city of Albuquerque with tanned buildings and neat suburbia morning sunlight glinted off of windows in beautiful flashes of brilliance and inescapable glints of the sky’s reflection. People walking to work all had smile for each other. Some punk rock skateboarder kid stopped to let a group of suites pass him on the sidewalk. They all gave him smiles and nods as they headed on their way. A very tanned and beautiful dark-haired goddess sat on the stoop of a building downtown on Ash street conversing next to a train hoppin tramp. She in her slinky red dress and crossed legs with blue toenail polish. She lounged leaning an elbow on one step sandal hanging off of her left foot casually. The Tramp was leaning against the hand rail telling her something she must have enjoyed because she threw back her head and laughed. Everyone eyed the streets with a child’s curiosity. Noses pressed against the windows and me, eyes wide and head swiveling from one thing to another to yet another. 13
“Everything looks so….clear and clean.” Breathed Val in amazement, “It feels good here, almost pure ya’ know…” 14
“Yeah,” said John “Like if there was a disaster people would just walk out in single file. Helping each other.” 15
“Hey Joel” James started but his voice trailed off, he seemed mystified by the city, passing the park on Bloom with a huge fountain that had people dangling their legs and sometimes dunking their whole bodies in the water. He just gasped. I oggled girls walking down sidewalks with barfeet, I oggled middle aged women walking in barefeet. Hell, I oggled men walking in bare feet. “Hey Joel,” now there was mischief in that voice, 16
“Wanna get into a fight tonight.” I was drunk as hell by now and answered with a “Well it seems like a pretty big sin in this city so, yeah, I do.” He laughed but stopped abruptly when I parked in front of Amy’s building. 17
“Oh God almighty trapped in a mason jar.” He muttered. I laughed, I was used to seeing Amy pick extravagant places to live but this time she’d outdone herself. The front door was a stone arch with a hallway leading to the atrium like courtyard. Inside was a man made fountain complete with blooming lillypads. A little waterfall led the water into a stream that circled around the pool, little rocks stuck out and the water bubbled blissfully into the base of the pool recycling itself. “Wow,” I murmured. 18
“It looks like an Escher drawing.” The four walls that made up the front of the four towers of the castle were covered in ivy climbing up the stone walls thriving in the sunlight that seemed to enter from all angles. We climbed up the spiral staircase in the middle turret and reached the seventh floor. The only floor with only one apartment. Everyone shifted their weight at the door and waited. I hate knocking but givin the circumstances I felt it was appropriate. The door flung open with such force you could feel the air ripping at your hair. And there stood Amy, all one hundred and thirty pounds of her. Dressed in a T-shirt and jeans. Her eyes widened as big as her smile and before I could brace myself she had leaped full throttle into my arms and thrown me to the grown. Before I could get my bearings together she had kissed me on the nose and was already spinning John around the room. As soon as he got his balance back from her hug Val was swept up and James had been kissed before he knew it. We were pushed into the room and Amy was holding Janet’s arm and leading her in. Talking a mile a minute. 19
“Well, I expected you two weeks ago but then I got Joel’s phone call, and he wouldn’t call unless he really was close so I said to myself hmmmm…..I better get ready. So I’ve been cooking and cleaning all morning and I Ahem think everything looks good. Maybe you would too, if you saw it before hand, such a mess. So I walked around the city and gathered up flowers, oh don’t touch that one John honey, it’s foxglove very poisonous, don’t touch your eyes and for heavens sake don’t touch the nads who knows what sounds you’ll make not to mention what color they’ll turn……” 20
She trailed off with Val and James to show them the tour while John ran off to wash his hands. Janet and I hung back. She walked around looking at all the art on the walls when John came back in. 21
“Hey man,” he said “there’s like a bunch of your poetry on the walls over here.”22
“Really?” I walked over and sure enough some of my favorite writings were hanging on the walls. 23
“Janet, I bet Amy would love to have your paintings up here.” 24
“Nah.” She said “None of them are as good as the ones already up here.” 25
“Yeah.” Said John, “It’s not like you put amazing amounts of time and energy into them or anything.” “Yep” I started “and just because your art sells better than my poetry on lot, and even that’s up here doesn’t mean it’s any good or anything.” 26
“You guys really think so?”27
“Yeah.” I answered “Go get one man we don’t really have a great housewarming gift or anything. I think it’d be perfect. 28
“Great I’ll be right back!” and she sped off down the stairs of the building. 29
“So I figure we’d all have a nice dinner and go sit on the roof with a bottle of wine. Then tomorrow I’ll show you the city.” Amy’s voice drifted back into the room. I turned around and laughed. 30
“Amy, please Honey sit down.” Putting my arm around her thin shoulders I could tell she was trembling and I gave her a big kiss on the cheek, “I missed you and everyone here loves you.” She looked into my face studying it. 31
And her eyes widened. “I’m sorry,” her voice was so shaky and insecure. “I’m real sick and haven’t gotten the chance to get well yet.” 32
“I’ll take care of that.” Spoke James “Let’s go someplace a little more private.” Val gave me a dirty look but I grinned at her reassuringly and she warmed up. I snuk over to her and whispered in her ear. “Well what do you think?” “She’s wonderful colorful and I love her.” I beamed “Good I was hopin’ you would.” She led me over to the balcony and put her arm around my waist and tucked her head under my chin. “Why didn’t you call your girl today? You miss her, it’s written all over your face. Amy saw you for twenty seconds and she said you look older and more lonely than ever. You even drank booze today. We’ve all noticed it. James is really worried about you since we got to Charlie’s you’ve been withdrawn and sullen. I laughed and put an arm around her shoulders. “Relax, I’m much better now. Not sullen at all just happy to be lonely. She grinned and patted my side leaning into me and rubbed her cheek on my shoulder, “It’s weird isn’t it, the world were in right now is so far from the real world.” Yeah I said clearing my throat “I try to combine the two and it always fails, my home life is completely different from my traveling life. I don’t know why. Their both real enough but when I’m in one I can’t really think about the other….” The wind was so strong it was blowing my dreadlocks around. Newspapers tossed and turned in the gales and gusts of the soft autumn wind. Val pinched me, “Reality is cold out here, let’s go back in.”33
“Look Joel Look! Look what Janet gave me, it’s a masterpiece.” Amy’s face was flushed with pride and her voice cracked with excitement. “I’m gonna hang it up right here between the two hallways so when I read in here it’s in my direct line of site.” It really was a masterpiece and it took Janet almost a month to finish it. An assortment of blues and purples blurry shapes of bodies contorted in a forever still mess of one movement, it was about thirty people dancing all around arms came out of the sides and bodies were entwined everywhere. “Hey is this in Boulder?” Asked James loudly. “How’d you know that?” She turned bright red. “Remember when they made us wait in line for so long that everyone started dancing quietly cause you could just faintly hear the music, and the whole line was wearing purple and blue except for us?” “Yeah.” I cried “Is that us right there?” In the middle of all the oils there were five dots green, orange, yellow red and pink. We looked down at ourselves and at each other, all still wearing the same clothes only my orange Fluffhead shirt was so grimy and dirty it was turning burn auburn. Amy laughed and clapped her hands grabbed Janet and kissed her, then danced around the room with her. She spun Janet around who started to laugh so hard she couldn’t hold her balance. The oil was so textured it was amazing. The black stuck out further than the people and it really looked like the painter was in the middle of it all everyone was almost two feet away. The faces were all blurry and cast in shadow. That’s what I liked best about it. 34
We sat down and ate a dinner that could only be surpassed by Amy herself or my mother, and really talked. I finally felt good being in the now which doesn’t happen often. At home I waste my life and on tour I constantly think ahead. Amy asked us about tour and we told her how it was failing and sinking to a new low. “Everyone always talked about how it used to be.” James started, “I just got into it but I have a feeling that in a couple of years I’m not going to like what I see. Unless people do something about what’s going on now. “Drugs.” Val suddenly said. “Everyone is mixed up trying to make money for the next show and food and gas and recreational chemicals that they’ll succumb to selling everything and anything including the easiest,. Drugs. Now we all know I’m an avid user of chemicals but heroin and pharmies have taken over completely. I used to love being all fucked up on molly and acid at the end of the show because well, everyone was. And I felt like it was alright because everyone was on the same wavelength as me. But now since selfishness and greed have taken over everyone assumes your by yourself.35
“Yeah everyone seems like they have a secret on tour, privacy is okay of course, but when you breach that privacy they hold it against you because they got insulted. It’s like when you don’t know someone you can just ask them their name and when their from. You can’t just jump into the conversation. Personality has merged with the scene and it pisses me off.” I spoke with a quivering voice. And James came in to back me up. “No ones neighbors anymore, sure we use the term but it’s bullshit. All everyone does is whisper and look around.”36
“Joel, James you two whisper and act shady every time you talk about dope or fixing.” Janet’s face was flushes as if she had spoken voodoo, crossed a line. John did too. Like they had entered a new threshold of privacy. 37
“First of all Janet,” I spoke quietly, “There are no borders between us, no barriers to cross. I’m not going to bite your head off. We agreed that everything on this trip would be open and honest. Second of all…….” I trailed off and glanced at James who looked seriously pissed off. “And second…and second, dope’s already a part of our lives do you really want to be more involved in that lifestyle? We Never hide it, never deny it but still don’t feel as though we should pass off our own stupidity to three beautiful souls. I personally don’t want to be responsible for turning your auras to a shit colored dead brown.” I nodded. “Yeah we would have fixed in front of you but who in the hell wants to see that? I promise we’ll involve you as much as safety can allow.” James looked up, dinner was finished. “speaking of fixing……where can we go?” “Right here” said Amy, as she took out some cleans and a spoon. I laughed and reached for my cooker.38
The Start of Things Yet to Come.39
We climbed the stairs to the roof silently. You could just hear the creaks of our footsteps and my knee bones popping, it seemed that, if listening closely enough you could just make out the whishing of our shadows slithering against walls coming alive from the emergency exit lights. Everything in a beautiful red haze. When we opened the top door the air rushed in and down the stairs as if the building itself were taking a deep breath of the cool New Mexico air. We had all blown a lot of molly and it was taken hold of us now, we lay on our backs without clothes and looked over the city. You could see the church steeples and all the rectangular shapes of apartment buildings holding refuge to horrible lives and all the sad misery encompassing the mountains. Inhabiting the sad lonely eyes of the Indians we pushed back into communities, because we as people couldn’t deal. “Somewhere out there,” Amy sighed is a drunk Indian raping his wife and beating his kids.” A car screeched in pain somewhere and two gunshots fired . We waited in silence for the inevitable, hoping for it. But no sirens arose from the darkness.40
Traveling across vast deserts and overgrown valleys I realized one major thing. If you can say the right thing to the right person at the right time, noone’s a stranger. We had traveled from city to city relying on the kindness of people we could only grow to love. I had met only a few people whom I have loved from the very first words. Now that Amy was here I felt a connection with my kids that grew stronger everyday.I knew everyone felt it. From the first day I had met them in Chicago that I night I felt a kinship bond almost stronger than I had with Vanessa or my mom, maybe stronger.41
Back on Cape cod growing up I had friends that I owe a lot to. They changed me, watched me grow up, metamorphasizing into the man I would become. I was looking for people to go to the next level of human evolution with me. People who only wish to edify themselves. These people are hard to come by. Everyone can change their lives with a little work but I wanted more than change I wanted my outlook to change. And I wanted to be able to do it anytime I wanted. When you do find these people hold on until the rides over you will all look at each others smiling sweaty faces emerging out from chrysalises and just wonder how your still alive. With Amy, John, James, Val, Janet and I , we knew happiness would come easily. These people had helped me make others happy while in a state of depression because depression can be so much fun. We all had our own states of perpetual emotions, Amy, always bubbly and cheerful with a genuine concern for everyone. John was bright and optimistic with a sense of awe and confusion for everything he saw. I was lonely and always eager to explore the next corner, James was an angry ball hatred and extreme prejudice giving a helping hand to only those he saw ah true friends. Janet was stern and conservative, direct. Passions ran high into everything she believed in. Val was filled with anxiety and mistrust apprehensive about everything that was new only because she was scared. If she thinks about her next step she will jump full-throttle head first into oblivion. These were the people I had traveled so far with, these people part of my naked rolling around on rooftops society. Giggling incessantly and shrieking with laughter just for the sheer brilliance of it all. We all wanted to jump into each others psyche one by one, feel what the other was feeling. We would live out each one another emotions, paint our auras as it were. We would start with john.42
Author notes
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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